Dunkin' Donuts "Haunchies"

I’m excited by a new product that showed up literally on my doorstep today (well, I was buying coffee on my way to work and saw an ad for it). I’m afraid it might fail, however, due to lack of conviction by the parent company, and everyone else involved, it seems. The ad was small and washed out, with a terrible picture. Food photography is an art, but that doesn’t mean you can just close your eyes and snap the picture. A photograph of a delicious looking plate of spaghetti, for instance, is not spaghetti at all—but I’m completely off the subject.

I’m talking about new DUNKIN’ DONUTS “HAUNCHIES”—bite sized snacks for when you’re too busy for a whole donut, I guess. The existing product copy says: “It’s not a donut… and they’re not holes—new Dunkin’ Donuts Haunchies—for when you’re on the go.” I kind of like the off rhyme, but generally I find this pretty awkward and poorly written. I’m going to try my hand at writing a new ad, and then maybe try some of the Haunchies themselves, myself—see, for some reason everything about this product seems to come out awkwardly! Well, let’s give it a try:

“When is a donut hole not a donut hole? When it’s a CHAIR! That’s a joke! To soften you up to the new, bite-size(ed) snack from Dunkin’ Donuts, called The Haunchie! Though it shouldn’t take much softening, really—The Haunchie is soft, and as delicious as it looks. More delicious, really. And sugar-coating isn’t necessary—The Haunchie already took care of that. It’s not a donut, and it’s not a hole. Well, a donut hole isn’t really a hole, is it? There’s something to think about. When is a donut hole not a donut? When it’s the NEW DUNKIN’ DONUTS HAUNCHY. Or Haunchies, when it’s plural."

IT’s harder than it looks, this advertising business. Maybe I should leave it for the professionals. But really, I think this Haunchy, or Haunchies, is, or are, just a hard product to deal with. Awkward, and kind of messy. But that’s probably what they thought about hot dogs when they were first invented, and look where hot dogs are today!