An Open Letter and Apology from the Editor

Over the last dozen or so years, The Moss Problem has been a leader in reporting on cutting edge entertainment, sports, and political news, as you all know. In recent months it has come to light that the fine reporters and writers for The Moss Problem have been paid far lower than industry standards for similar work, and in some cases have been paid late, and with "latex checks." While it is my position that many of these allegations have been exaggerated, I do admit, as editor for this journal, a responsibility for cutting corners and trimming fat where editorial content is concerned.

From this day forth, as a remedy for these conditions, and in order to maintain stringent artistic standards in these harsh economic times, it will be henceforth the policy of The Moss Problem to award writers and artists by means of full editorial credit only, in lieu of monetary compensation. It is our belief that by eliminating the stigma of payment for writing and artwork, the credibility and journalistic integrity of this journal's contributors will be increased, which will benefit everyone involved, including the reader, who will rest assured that no thought of anything but passion for the subject matter was a contributing factor in creation of the work. In this way, the reader will be assured of the highest journalistic integrity, we believe, available in both print medium and over the World Wide Web.

In a similar vein, I would like to, at this time, confess that for the last quarter of a century, or perhaps longer, I was under the impression that the proper and preferred method of disposal for paper towels in public restrooms was to deposit them in commodes. So deluded was I, that each time I would see an official or hand-written plea to please, do NOT dispose of paper towels in toilets, I read it--apparently due to both my believing I knew what was preferred, and my dyslexia--as a plea to do exactly the opposite of what they were requesting. So, yes, it has been I, Anthony Franciosa, who has been depositing paper towels in toilets from New York to London, from Paris to Milan, from Buenos Aires to Beijing, and in all points in between. And especially at Starbucks locations in the greater Los Angeles area. For this I sincerely apologize.

Northern Toilet Paper

My favorite toilet paper doesn't have perforations. No, my favorite toilet paper is free toilet paper. But I don't need the perforations. Northern toilet paper, which is quite pricey due to its softness, has perforations running lengthwise, down the roll! I mean, like, from beginning to end. Why is this? Because when you try to tear off a piece to use it, it tears lengthwise, which is maddening.

I remember a thing in Mad Magazine when I was kid, a cartoon about "planned obsolescence" which was the first time I'd ever heard of that concept. It's funny-- at the time I thought it something more in the mind of the consumer. It always seems like that malfunction must be built in. I didn't realize or actually want to believe, at that young age, that that is the way things work. Well, I guess they used to hide it. Now they just put obvious perforations right through the roll, for no apparent reason, figuring that people are too cynical, distracted, braindead, and depressed to really care. They're probably right.