Advertising Awards 2009

Lauren found a dream on her laptop.

Wendy's New Sweet & Spicy Asian Chicken

The flight to the mountaintop thwarted by starvation and disease, Pamela Anderson nude and Jennifer Love Hewit nude. A Botticelli nude greeted us with the first bite, and again and again memories persisted. We entered the valley with great trepidation and made our way among the vast and treacherous footholds of wisdom, we ripped the top off of the henhouse and our eyes were met my flightless birds also songless, though bathed in riches, saffron and rubies. Alyssia Milano nude,Pamala Hewit nude, slithering on the East side of the mountain, melted by early summer runoff and fermenting ecstasies Each bite was met with full shock and discovery of contradictions, sweet and sour, hot and not-so-hot, flavorful and tasteless, inexorable and uxorious, limber and lumber, the chimps set sail. Trapped inside a four foot square cell for the winter with Camoran Diaz nude we hibernated like the ducks and geese, mewwing, and purring, dreaming of a past when fangs and claws ripped flesh from the earth and the durian and the christian. David Thomas would not love this, head of the boy scouts of America, head of PereUbu, head of the severed. The Francis Bacon hallucination hanging in the trees at the edge of the park, glowing orange, swallowing up all around it.

New Mountain Dew VolTage

I just saw this in the store and immediately bought it because, for one, it's NEW, and also because I was attracted to the light blue color of the liquid itself. I will buy any and all food that is the color blue... at least once. As with all new products, and especially energy drinks, I expected the worst, but I was pleasantly surprised that it has a pleasant flavor for an artificially flavored soft drink. Though the word “soft” is hardly appropriate for highly caffeinated Mountain Dew of any variety, except for Caffeine-Free Mountain Dew. The word for that is: pointless.

Apparently they had a contest to pick the new flavor in a national contest called "Dewmocracy" — claiming that it was created by DEW drinkers, which of course isn't true. But I guess they did offer three possibilities, and had a vote... though I'm skeptical about the fairness of the process, as DEW drinkers are the kind of people who will compulsively vote like a thousand times. Letting DEW drinkers pick anything is a scary idea; if they were the only ones voting for president... I don't want to think about it. Can you picture: President David Allan Coe?

The good news is that this stuff is not only drinkable, it's pretty darn good. No identifiable flavor really: I'd call it blue, or artificial blue flavor. There is a small amount of ginseng, supposedly, but don't count on it being any more than would sit comfortably on the head of a pin. There is brominated vegetable oil, which all the good soft drinks contain. And the best, and most surprising thing, it's not too sweet! I don't know how THAT happened, but it's a welcome "DEW-velopment." Though, for my taste, it could be less sweet still. And don't worry, there is still enough caffeine and sugar to give you a hefty lift, before dropping you about a half hour later like a baby from the greasy fingers of a bad, crack-head boyfriend. But then you buy more, and more, and more. It hasn't been determined yet, at press time, if it makes you pee blue.

Open letter from Anthony Franciosa to Moss Problem writers

I had my accountant look over the books for The Moss Problem and he tells me we are in serious financial trouble. As many of you know, it has long been my preference to let people motivate and govern themselves while I simply fulfill my roll as sage, guidance counselor, and small town traffic cop. But with the recent upheavals in the economy, I, and indeed WE, no longer have the luxury to lackadaisically lollygag, loaf, and fuck around, and get paid for it. I realize that your writers’ salary isn’t much, but take a look around you! Many fine, longstanding journalists at publications more formidable and with a greater advertising base than this one have been shown the door and are now working as baristas and bike messengers. Maybe I let you people slide for too long, and you haven’t had the benefit of fear or hunger to motivate you. Well, sorry to say, things are gonna change, baby.

Some of you haven’t written a single article IN THE PAST YEAR. We cannot allow this kind of sloth to continue if we’re going to compete with the big boys. You people are cashing your paychecks—for what? To grace our contributor list? Readers aren’t stupid; when they see no new articles appearing in our pages, it means only one thing to them: no new articles. Soon, they will look elsewhere for news and intellectual stimulation. I really don’t want to have to let any of you go, but if things don’t change I will soon be forced to make cuts. I will be forced to trim, and even, though I hate to say it, perform surgery without anesthetic. And finally, I will be forced, though against my aesthetic judgment and warmer feelings, to separate the wheat from the chaff.

From today on we must have changes. Big changes. If you writers aren’t going to come up with articles, I will have no choice but to cease calling you writers. I will call you deadbeats. Unless one of your brilliant postings is titled: “An open letter to Anthony Franciosa: Why I Should Continue To Get Paid Even Though I Make No Contributions To The Moss Problem." Well, here it is. I will just cease to pay you, that’s all. You can go off and write for Yelp, for all I care. And it has come to my attention that some of you already do. Please explain THAT to me.

From this day forth, writers, don’t even bother coming into the office unless you plan to leave copy on my desk. And you’re going to have to spell-check it yourself, because the first ones to go are our copy editors and fact checkers. That is, after the accountant, who I really didn’t need to tell me we’re in deep financial shit. At any rate, hear me out: If you aren’t coming to the office with an idea and some inspiration, don’t bother to come in at all. If you aren’t coming into the office operating at 110%, don’t bother to come in at all. We must look at every day like it is the Superbowl, but even more than that, the Superbowl of The Future, where the losing team gets euthanized, carved up, and barbequed at post-game tailgate parties. In short, if you are not coming into the office to PERFORM, stay at home and do whatever the hell it is that writers do when they’re at home. Procrastinating is my best guess.

With all due respect and no offense intended,

Anthony Franciosa

Broadcast Sports and I Won't Last A Day Without You

Little by little, free broadcast sports coverage is being taken away from the poorest segments of the Untied States population, and it looks like by the time we get through these dreadful single digit years, if you don't pay for cable TV sports specific networks, you will be shitouttaluck. I don't even care to look into digital broadcasting implications, as obvious as it is that all technological advancements are mostly about wringing even more money out of the masses of barely-able-to-afford-anything-anymore, especially food. But let's just say you decide to get by without food and want to be a sports fan. If you live in a city you can still go to a baseball game (as long as you're not in Boston), though don't pick that day to resume your diet, because a hotdog is $15 and a bottle of water is $5. You could save all year and maybe afford an NFL game, but pro basketball has long been affordable only to corporations. If you happen to have a TV, and actually LIKE Notre Dame, you can watch college football. By early next decade, however, the bowl games will be on cable only, and the Final Four are sure to follow that trend. If you have no TV, like me, you won't have to deal with all that digital conversion bullshit, but say you want to find some sports on the AM radio, like in the old days? Forget it!—though you may be lucky and find some so-called Christian bullshit that is so far out even Christians can't stomach it. Most of radio is now, however—as is most of broadcast TV—infomercials—and if you happen to be INSANE and enjoy infomercials, you must now endure commercials during your infomercials. There was a brief window where the Internet seemed like nirvana for sports fans, and indeed these days it's the only place I can find anything at all, but the golden age is over, and soon the Internet will be so gummed up with information gathering robots and animated commercials that it won't work at all. It's more or less there already. You can still get a newspaper, of course, if you have the patience to page through advertisements for the Internet to finally find a poorly written, uninspired article. I was thinking—what IS the opiate of the masses anymore? Is there still $1.50 a six pack beer?—because you sure can't afford cigarettes, taxed as they are in order to pay for the sports arenas that only the rich can afford to visit. What if they decide to tax lottery tickets, someone asked me, and they go up in price like cigarettes? Lottery tickets are ALREADY tax, I reassured them, the rich finding yet another way to tax the poor. I'm sitting here on a grimy Saturday wondering exactly how much it will take before The Revolution, or will there be no Revolution? If there is none, does it mean that the powerful have so totally learned how to control the not-powerful, that they have completely enslaved the—with little, malfunctioning electrical devices, to play with, and direct their anger towards—and the terror of the disappearance of all civil rights? Or are the powerless sitting back and waiting, doing the only subversive thing left that costs nearly nothing, reading books? My pessimism answered that question as you might imagine, and I found it necessary to take refuge in the only drug I have left to me, the Carpenters. Or more specifically, the song "I Won't Last A Day Without You." That song is so far beyond "one day at a time"-- it is pretty much a surrender of existence-- the only thing left is a glimmer of something once idealized as love. I mean, it's probably not even about another person-- it sounds like it could be an ode to a magical antidepressant drug, or maybe a commercial for a cheap, canned cocktail. I could dedicate my life to this song; maybe I have. It is the most compelling pop song ever written, and has the perfect verse and chorus combination, like a punch to the gut followed by punch to the face. But then, most weirdly is that horrible bridge, unimaginable, bad, and out of place--you know, "touch me and I end up singing"-- it's so wrong that it always makes me think about "improper" touching, if you know what I'm saying. I guess you could say it's like the thorn on a rose, but still, a thorn is one thing-- you don't see a human turd on a rose. And then there's that line, "When there's no getting over that rainbow," which I know is meant to mean when it's impossible to reach that world “somewhere over the rainbow,” but to me has always had a different meaning. To me, "no getting over that rainbow" means not getting over, as in not dealing with, not coming to terms with. It's like they're singing, “when you can't really find a way to deal with that rainbow, when you can't come to terms with it.” That's what makes this song, to me, magical, and it's exactly the best example I can come up with of how there might be a glimmer of hope in this fucked up, fucked up, fucked up beyond belief, world.

Something I Thought I'd Never See

Here I was in New York City, walking around, and then I see this sign on a corner store that shocked me. It was an advertisement for Marlboro, and it said: "Special Price - $9.00!" Special price? $9.00?!? Okay, so I've been living under a rock. But still... it's shocking.

Has the psychology of the cigarette smoker changed considerably now that his product has doubled, tripled, quadrupled... what do call it when something has elevated TEN times? Is is still possible to "bum" a cigarette? Is anyone at all, under these dire economic conditions, going to START smoking?

I don't love cigarettes, or smoking, or tobacco companies, or even the idea of smoking. I haven't for a long time. But this reminds me of that scene in Soylent Green where the guy has a jar of strawberry preserves and explains that cost $50!

New Postage Stamp: Stumblebums

(no image available) I am excited about the new postage stamps: famous stumblebums in US history. I understand that the series will include five different, famous stumblebums dating from the late 19th century to the present day. The images will be nostalgic, slightly comic renditions depicted by a notable contemporary artist, not yet announced. There are rumors that they are being drawn by Daniel Clowes, but that is not confirmed. If anyone has information about the artist, or those being "honored" by the stamps, please comment here!

Jonathan Lethem's website

I was looking at the main page of Jonathan Lethem's website,
which reloads every 20 seconds with a new, entertaining image,
when some music came on. It sounded kind of like David Bowie, though I don't think it was.
It was a modern sounding pop song, which I didn't like very much, but it really seemed to work with the images, even though nothing matched up or anything.

I happened to have another tab open to a sports website, and little did I know an ad came up and that was actually where the music was coming from! Not from Jonathan Lethem's website at all. (I don't know why that happens-- how you can have stuff opened in multiple tabs and the music for all of them will play at the same time.) Anyway, Lethem might consider adding some music to the experience. In case you want to try to recreate this phenomenon in your own home, the ad was for the Outback Steakhouse.

Yahoo: From "free email" to EMAIL FREE

Yahoo was my very first email, and I'm still using the first email address I've ever had. But recently they changed to "new" Yahoo, which is, of course, supposed to be better, but, of course, it isn't. This is no surprise, of course, and I realize that they have done this so that they can support ads better. After all it doesn't cost anything. But there is an option to get a pay version which doesn't have the ads. Not merely annoying, the ads slow things down and cause it to crash...

What am I saying here? Am I on drugs? I'm trying to rationalize all this calmly, I sound like some kind of demented, brainwashed Yahoo salesman or something. What it comes down to is that we had a completely reasonable, working, free email, and they made some corporate and technical decision to SCREW US ALL. It no longer works. It's no good. On a scale of one to ten it gets MINUS ONE MILLION. It's a headache and a nightmare. Yahoo is now the worst piece of shit on planet Feces.

But there is a silver lining! As there always is. This entire fiasco has made me see how much I am dependent on my email. When I quit smoking back in the spring of 2008 I thought I was free of drugs and the iron grip of addiction. But no. I was still addicted to this email and didn't know it. But this incredibly lame development has made see how bad off I was, and now I am ready to begin my new life: email free.

Grape Soda

In times such as these, nothing satisfies me like a grape soda. I was thinking of proposing the Nobel Prize to the chemistry team who invented artificial grape flavor, back in the Twentieth Century. You cannot scoff at a good artificial flavor. Take, for instance, artificial vanilla... please! I cannot deal with it, eat it, or even smell it in a candle or car air freshener. It gives me a migraine! The difference between real vanilla and artificial vanilla is like the difference between diners and McDonalds, between fresh vegetables and bunched up wet toilet paper in a public toilet, between Venice and cheap piece of shit Venetian blinds that fall down whenever you open or close them.

I was going to suggest that the flavor of grape soda somehow captures the essence of real grape, but it is of course nothing like real grape. What it is, artificial grape flavor, and grape soda, is an amazing flavor all of its own, sublime in its own way. Also, it always reminds me of the scene in "The French Connection" where Gene Hackman is trying to follow the guy in the subway and tries to be inconspicuous by stopping at a vendor, where he says, "Get a grape drink?"

Solar Moss

Northern Toilet Paper

My favorite toilet paper doesn't have perforations. No, my favorite toilet paper is free toilet paper. But I don't need the perforations. Northern toilet paper, which is quite pricey due to its softness, has perforations running lengthwise, down the roll! I mean, like, from beginning to end. Why is this? Because when you try to tear off a piece to use it, it tears lengthwise, which is maddening.

I remember a thing in Mad Magazine when I was kid, a cartoon about "planned obsolescence" which was the first time I'd ever heard of that concept. It's funny-- at the time I thought it something more in the mind of the consumer. It always seems like that malfunction must be built in. I didn't realize or actually want to believe, at that young age, that that is the way things work. Well, I guess they used to hide it. Now they just put obvious perforations right through the roll, for no apparent reason, figuring that people are too cynical, distracted, braindead, and depressed to really care. They're probably right.

Pandora

I am listening to, as I write this, Pandora radio, which someone, as we used to say in the Sixties, "turned me on to." First of all I have to say I am someone who vastly prefers the vinyl record to any other kind of music listening experience, and it kind of amazes me that after 40 years of technological advancement, I'm sitting here listening to music on a device (emac) that looks and sounds much the same as this filmstrip thing I had when I was a kid, which played a story via film strip (I think it was called "Show and Tell" but I'm not sure) with audio provided by a record, and thus functioned as my first audio system. Pandora radio is a website in which you can enter a song or recording artist name, and then it will attempt to play similar music, creating, in effect, your own personal radio station.

It's an interesting project, and fun just to see how well it works, musical tastes being as extremely subjective as they are. I'm a little worried about the name Pandora, as well-- there is something ominous in that-- because of the well-known myth, the implications of Pandora's Box, etc. By the way, when I searched for Pandora's Box I discovered that there is an S&M/Fetish club by that name right in my neighborhood! I did not know that-- open for lunch, too! “I'll have a bagel and cream cheese and my balls stomped on with stiletto heels.” They do have some great looking rooms-- it could supply all the sets for the next Frankie Latina movie. The "Rubber Room" isn't open yet, but when it is, I'm there!

Sorry about that digression. I suppose the INTERNET could be renamed Pandora's Box, so I am just not going to worry about it. In my "test drive" this morning, I selected the song "Pandora's Box"-- the Aerosmith version-- (you know in THEIR version, they weren't referring to a cedar chest) to see what I get-- and it is a pretty interesting selection of songs. You always dream of going to a bar and they're playing a song you like, and then another, and then another! It NEVER happens-- though actually I knew some DJs in my former place of residence who could do that. What is nice is if there is music you are familiar with and then something you like but never heard before. I have to admit, that it is working pretty well today! There is a huge variety, and I'm not hating any of it. Also, they happened on a couple of really old things I have completely forgot abut, like a song from John Sebastian's "The Four Of Us"-- crazy.

My concern is that since there is a "guide us" function where you can indicate a thumbs up or down function for each particular song, if that affects not only one's particular ongoing personal choices, but the overall selection, that the mass influence (by the inevitable population of music geeks and obsessives sitting there approving and disapproving all day) will eventually lead from eclecticness to an unpleasant homogenization. Also, there is the "payola" potential, as with all radio stations in history. Also, there seems to be a pretty heavy preference to Rod Stewart. I mean, The Faces, too, and I love Rod Stewart, but you could hear Rod Stewart yelling after hitting his finger with a hammer, and it would STILL sound like Rod Stewart.

But overall, I'm pretty fascinated with this. I want to see how obscure they get-- what's the most obscure song or artist I can think of that will be my radio station. I guess my overall observation, at this point anyway, is that Pandora is "nifty."

Sports News

Contrary to as previously implied, Randy Moss, football player, has no affiliation with this online journal. Our lawyers made us say that. That's not true, we don't have any lawyers. If we did, though, I'd be hitting them up for a job making copies or something.

Best Restaurants 2007

The best Mexican restaurant in Milwaukee whose name I can't remember someone please help me out and I'll edit this I can't even search for it because all you get is those bullshit melted orange cheese and Koolade margarita places!

Fili's Family Restaurant - Cudahy, WI - best breakfast buffet EVER.

Ikea Cafe - multiple locations, for when nothing but lingonberries will satisfy you.

Paul's Omega, S. 27th, Milwaukee - best low impact art experience south of Alpine Village.

Alpine Village, Mequon, WI - best art experience anywhere if you include the schaum torte.

Chet Morton's Steakhouse, Bayport - it's no "mystery" why this is on the list.

Plaza Cafe, Milwaukee - just because if it wasn't there, there would be nowhere to eat breakfast in the entire 53202 zipcode.

No Room 4 Dessert, no locations - who needs dessert anyway.

Bayview Family Restaurant, Milwaukee - cheapest and best homefries (with onions) in the "american fries" region.

Roundy's Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, everywhere - the expected dip in quality did not happen, though the possible merger with WA Mutual Bank has us worried.

Beans and Barley, Milwaukee - first place in my experience that's been able to make sandwiches with gluten-free bread. Also, Frank S.

Plop, New Haven - who would have thought that formless comfort food could come in so many shades of brown?

Bombay Sweets, Milwaukee - the only place in Milwaukee to get Indian food under $100.

The Train Bar, Milwaukee - because I love a good myth (I still don't believe it ever existed) and have heard of no Haunchyville eatery as of yet.

Pretend, New York City - saw Chan Marshall there last week!

Conejito's, Milwaukee - eat there now before it gets moved to the Smithsonian!

Les is More, Brooklyn - just goes to show how wrong you can be. (That's a Lou Reed quote, and Les is More is closed.)

Reben Luncheonette, Brooklyn - my new hangout.

Best Books of 2007

Fischer's War by Lei Marx
Interrogatives by Lance White Thurman
Deadly Meditation by Michael Pope
The Plural Principle by R.E.I. Kranz
Purring by Wang Newton
The Book of Andy by Andrew Brisket
Paranormal Jesus by Brian Banov
Burned Out by B. Sophie Dance
Conversion Therapy by Michelle Chiggar-Valdez
To Enter The Building by P. Clumm
Hill & Wing by Eustice Richardson
A Tisket A Tasket A Murder by Elaine Plover Churchill
Along The Road by T.M. Copp
Rhymes With Baghdad by Christopher Lorenzo


--Allison Pripet

Best Music of 2007

"K —12" album, vinyl only, by April 15
"That Makes Me Puke, This Makes Me Pee" song by Vanessa Di Ambrose
"You Can Learn English!" MP3 by Feji
"Allergic to Houndstooth" CD by Trisdam White, Jr.
"Whet Dreamz" box set by MegaMillionz
"Fiasco Fiasco" CD by The Molotov Martinis
"Every Time I Make You Cry" song by the Hoodie String Pullers
"Wet Fartz Theme" download by the Wet Fartz
"My Head Almost Came Off" video by Portable Sound Laboratories
"Hedging (Dance Mix)" extended 12" vinyl 45 by DjHi
"Dotting My T's" CD by Cross-eyed Charles


S. Katona

Best Television of 2007

Note: I find nothing so addictive and depressing as sitting with a TV remote and hundreds of stations on cable and going through them one by one. It makes me terribly afraid of the end of civilization and also long for it.

I decided, finally, what I needed to do is go on a marathon TV binge, see what is out there, and then never watch TV again. Here is a list, in no particular order, of the best, the worst, and since I don't have to decide, I won't.

Scratching Post
City Desk
American Meltdown
Pack Rats!
your dumber then a stump
A Roll In My Wool
Agony of Defeat
19 Century Viceroys
Uma Makeovers
Hangin' Judge
Eat Bugs 4 Buck$
Youtube Theatre
Fuzz Busterz
Nancy Drew (hearts) Scooby-Doo
Marlin Perkins Smackdown
American Mess
Crotch Busters (Caught On Video)
From The Jaws of Victory
Tale of Two Dorms
This Old Box
Angela Lansbury Always
Judge Reinhold
Lottery Follies
Fashion No-No's
Crack Neighbors
Busted Again! (On Tape)
Anal Nightingale
Married 4-Ever


--Randy Russell

Top Movies of 2007

Top Ten and then some. In order of good to awesome.

Michael Picasso
Royal Person Inside
Pretty Girl Costumes
Make
Quotitdian Now!
Revising Emily
True Red
The Emulsifiers
Gravelly Witherspoon
Irish Recovery
Twisting Alabama
American Hottie
The Desk and the Microscope
The Last Great Mid-October
Reuniting Charlie Goodspeed
1000 Dull Moments

Year End Best Of Lists

We would like to include some year end "best of" lists for 2007. I realize that most publications release those lists sometime in December, and the reason for that is no secret: it's all about selling products at Christmastime. If you, as an artist, happen to come out with something between, say, December 15 and the end of the year, however, you're kind of screwed in the "best of" department. Also, a lot of "best of" lists, naturally, are weighed toward the end of the year. It's not really fair to make those lists, say, on the same day you have just seen a new movie or heard a new record-- of course that's going to be more prominent in your mind. And as far as books go, obviously, one needs a few days to read it.

That's why I argue that January is the month for "best of" lists for the previous year. Some of our writers will (hopefully) be presenting such lists in the coming weeks. Hopefully our readers will weigh in as well.

Oh, and a fifteen day late HAPPY NEW YEAR from Kate, Randy, myself, and everyone else here at THE MOSS PROBLEM.

AF

MEMO: note to writers

Please note: it is not necessary to write the TYPE of review as part of the TITLE (i.e. "MUSIC REVIEW: Beck Further Plagues Us With His Damn Self"). We trust our readers to figure out what it is that's being reviewed. And in the instances that they can't, that's kind of interesting in itself.

I realize that it might be more appropriate to discuss this with an interoffice memo. But we have no secrets here at The Moss Problem. In fact, it might be as good a time as any to discuss pay cuts with writers. The $1 per word fee is going to have to be cut drastically (really drastically, I'm afraid) (don't make me spell it out) until if figure out what the hell is happening with this divorce settlement. For now, anyway, write what about what you love (or hate) for love, and you will be rewarded with love, and the world will be filled with love (except for the world of Tony's Marriage).

love,

Anthony Franciosa, Editor

Sports: NFL Playoffs

I could talk about how disillusioned I was when the Boston Patriots became the New England Patriots when I was 11. It's been on again off again with sports and me ever since. I've been paying a little attention, however, to the Patriots this year, mostly because one of our esteemed founders, Randy Moss, is playing. If you don't know, the "Pats" haven't lost a game all year. That rarely happens. If you hate the Pats, as it is easy to do, you now can hope for one thing: they make it to the Superbowl, then lose the final game! I'm trying to think of a tragic equivalent for that, in sports or otherwise, but I can't!

Aside from all this, the one interesting thing I noticed in the one game I watched is that New England quarterback Tom Brady seemed to have been amplified. I've always said that the next frontier in televised sports is sound-- good onfield mics would change the way we view the game. The only reason they don't do it yet is because the profanity and its relationship to image. In one game, however, I seemed to notice this intensified sound. It was really nice-- it added a sense of urgency and excitement that's missing more and more as televised sports increasingly resemble video games.

The amazing thing I noticed in that game was that Tom Brady seemed to be yelling out his counts (and whatever else it is that quarterbacks seem to yell) in GERMAN! Is he German and I just always assumed he wasn't? How does the team understand him? Anyway, it sounds pretty aggressive and scary, and I think it must scare the shit out of opponents.

DVD review: The Time Tunnel

I was looking forward to getting the same freaked out feeling I had when I was a little kid watching this TV show, from 1966, on DVD, but this was definitely a case of: whatever had enhanced my memory was gone now. I suppose it was just that I was young, so maybe I focused on that really cool oval shaped tunnel, which still looks pretty great, but you rarely see it. The production is just too transparent for an adult-- it looks like an excuse to use available historical studio sets, and you almost feel like they wrote the episodes based on whatever set they could get use of cheap.

The show is about these two guys who go into a time machine and get lost in time, just kind of thrown from one historically relevant event to another. They usually land on something like a hay bale instead of a picket fence, which is good. Then they interact with the events, using their knowledge of history to make sure nothing really changes. The basic problem with time travel stories always seemed to be that you could take one of two approaches. One is that nothing can really be altered-- you go back, screw things up, threaten to change the course of history, then work your ass off to make things stay just as they are. Which would have somehow happened anyway, even if you just sat there and smoked a pipe-- because that idea is like destiny-- everything is fixed. The other idea is that there are infinite strands of possibility and you might affect one, but not all of them, so essentially you could get bounced into a situation countless times, do something different each time, and it would just mean pretty much nothing. Both of these ideas are just a big drag as far as a story goes. The one good time travel story I ever saw was the movie "Primer" which takes a practical, and close to believable, approach to time travel, and is fairly gritty, scary, and mind blowing.

I watched one of these Time Tunnel episodes-- one with space aliens, because I thought that might be interesting. The two travelers, Doug and Tony, end up on an alien ship traveling to Earth in the 1800s-- so they end up dealing with aliens AND some cowboys and old codgers in the American West. The funny thing is, the aliens are gathering "protein" for their starving planet, and they do it by getting Earthlings to round up supplies that they can take back. So they're like gathering up boxes with cans of beans and loading them on the ship, and you're thinking, No, No, NO! That's going to take forever!

Really, the best thing about this show is Doug and Tony's wardrobe. They go through all of the world's history wearing the same thing-- Doug has pretty square, or hip (depending on what time period YOU'RE in) wool suit, with a sewn on belt! It's pretty great. And a tie, I think it's orange, but tasteful. And he has a great haircut. Tony is supposed to be considerably more hip, but he isn't-- his hair is long, and he wears some tight slacks and a dark green turtleneck. Now if the whole show was about fashion, rather than wars and disasters, that might have been really interesting.

Blog Review: www.perezhilton.com

http://www.perezhilton.com

Perez Hilton is a schlubby guy that lives in Florida. A few years ago Perez decided to start blogging about celebrities lives and since then his blog has become (next to TMZ.com) the #1 looked at celebrity blog in the country. Perez has several people working for him, updating his blog by the minute on recent celebrity gossip. His biggest target is Britney Spears. After her recent performance on the MTV music awards he wrote her a letter telling her how much she sucked and posted it on the blog. Hilton's website has become such an authority on celebrity gossip that excerpts from his letter to Britney have since been quoted throughout mainstream media. The blog has developed such a large following that he now wields power over star's careers, making them and breaking them.

Perez loves Amy Winehouse, and hates Britney. Visit the blog any day and you will find that Perez thinks Heath Ledger is washed up and balding, Mariah Carey's new perfume smells like shit, and that both Wil Smith and his wife are homosexuals. Perez himself is a fat pasty white dude who changes his hair color more than a suburban 16 year old goth kid.

The attraction is Perez's ability to discuss celebrity rumors that would be otherwise too risky for the pages of People or Star magazine. The beauty of this sort of "journalism" is that it's a blog, and therefore no one edits out anything housewives would find insulting. No funding for printing costs. The only thing Perez has to worry about is his image, and watching it grow.
Perez Hilton has recently been offered to host his own show on VH1.

A waste of time reading about celebrities lives, I know. But if you are stuck at a desk job...or you teach at a college, and you need something to talk about with your students...sites like these can be helpful.

CD Review: ARCADE FIRE "Neon Bible"

This is the recent CD by the band Arcade Fire, not to be confused with Arcade, or Panic in the Arcade. This is the Arcade Fire from Montreal, though not to be confused with OF MONTREAL, who they sound EXACTLY like. Though Of Montreal aren't from Montreal at all, but Georgia. I have a feeling they are all just doing this to confuse me. Kids these days!

The cover of this CD is so incredibly ugly as to say, "We are trying to make this as ugly as possible, and we have succeeded." It does recall the ugliness of early computer art and video games of the Pac Man era rather well, which a lot of people naturally have nostalgia for, though it makes me quite nauseous. It is in a sense saying, "while neon itself if very beautiful, these photographic representations of neon, especially when presented in a CD art format, are just hideously small and weak." I agree, and maybe that is a comment on the band-- how tinny and pathetic they sound coming through my CD boombox speakers. But it's a LARGE band-- like seven people, and you have to think that maybe LIVE they have a glorious sound. That is if you can get close enough to the stage! This band is popular. Anyway, they must not be too greedy, with all those people, and they must be able to get along. I'd like to think I could get along with them, and be friends. That is why I'm trying to write a good review!

I'm kind of fascinated with the CD booklet which is all black and white, which includes more studiously failing neon pictures, but also some people in a theatrical setting, lights, places, and pipe organs which are beautiful in black and white. It's all very kind of weird in that backwoods way that says, "Yes, we're Canadian, we're living in a Guy Maddin world." Which is... you know they probably are. Anyway, here I am, saying what they're saying, and really failing to review the music. I'll try to do better.

I like the sound of these songs, they are very theatrical and large, and not afraid to build and build to an embarrassing emotional peak, like a Roy Orbison song. There is a lot of complex orchestration, but still a pretty clean sound. I mean, not my cup of tea, really, but then what is. No very much, and certainly nothing popular. I'm a little concerned with these folks, to tell you the truth. That one of them might be a giant egomaniac, or a dangerous narcissist, and the others are going along for the ride, for the excitement but eventually will find that they are the fuel that is necessarily to feed this one enormous furnace of a person. I mean, I'm just guessing, and I have no idea who is who-- I'm just trying to interpret from the music.

I like this idea in this song "No Cars Go"-- I THINK. That gets my attention, anyway. "Between the click of the light and the start of the dream"-- what does that mean to you? In my experience, that's as close to death as I usually feel in a day. Is that the place where NO CARS GO? Even in Canada, that's the best you can do? How about Hudson Bay or something. I WANT Canada to be, perhaps, more than it can, in reality, in a practical way, be.

I like songs about dreams, and dream worlds. The record starts out really pretty nicely with a noisy pop song, struggling to keep its jauntiness under control, but then the singer eventually breaks into full emotional mode and sounds just like David Byrne. It seems to me if someone in your band sings like David Byrne, you'd let someone else sing a little more, preferably the woman in the band. Think how much better Talking Heads would have been if Tina Weymouth would have sang most of the time. I'd still be able to listen to them.

Okay, I know that's kind of personal, but I didn't get this old so I could go around worrying about offending people. Especially not a bunch of artsy fartsy Canadians. The second song sounds like... come on... it sounds EXACTLY like this song from about 15 years ago by... shit! I can't think of it! Someone help me out here!

Okay, I'm going to have to put this song on my COMPUTER until I can figure it out. That's the kind of thing that can ruin several days for an OCD guy like myself. Why do I BEND OVER BACKWARD for these people?

SUMMER BABE

Women With Chocolate Chip Nipples

An athletic middle aged woman just walked into my work. She had tiny breasts, a sports top on, and no bra. She had these awful hard nipples poking through her shirt, I've heard some people refer to them as chocolate chips.

Anyways, I was really offended. I didn't know where to look. It's sort of like a man with really tight pants walking around with a hard on, you notice, they notice, their wife notices, but no one says anything.

Tiny little pointy nipples are gross, and should be covered by draping fabric.

SHE LIVES IN INFAMY: CONVERSATION WITH HER EMINENCE, LISA CARVER

Conversation started August 15,  2011
8/15, 2:11pm
Darius Smith
Hi, Lisa. Expect a package, including some "collector's items," valued eleven dollars or less.
Each, not total.
Within a week.
Lisa Carver
8/15, 3:20pm
Lisa Carver
I loved the last package! In fact, I burned some Michelle Obama earlier today!
September 21, 2011
Darius Smith
9/21, 8:20pm
Darius Smith
ja wohl !!
September 24, 2011
Darius Smith
9/24, 5:59am
Darius Smith
"Jailhouse Rock"
November 18, 2011
Darius Smith
11/18, 5:23am
Darius Smith
hi
Darius Smith
11/18, 6:20am
Darius Smith
Hi.
Darius Smith
11/18, 6:27am
Darius Smith
Lezzie!
sux
STABBER
Darius Smith
11/18, 7:17am
Darius Smith
www.gay.com
December 26, 2011
Darius Smith
12/26, 8:22am
Darius Smith
hi
December 29, 2011
Darius Smith
12/29, 1:14pm
Darius Smith
Have you read HIROSHIMA by John Hersey?
Darius Smith
12/29, 3:06pm
Darius Smith
Have you read WHITE LOTUS yet?
Lisa Carver
12/29, 3:07pm
Lisa Carver
Almost done with it. It's great! Never read Hiroshima, no.
Darius Smith
12/29, 3:07pm
Darius Smith
I have a copy for you!
Later 2012: THE WALL
January 4, 2012
Darius Smith
1/4, 1:06pm
Darius Smith
"Hi."
January 5, 2012
Lisa Carver
1/5, 6:03pm
Lisa Carver
Hey there! You won two items on eBay and pretty soon they're going to yell at you!
January 5, 2012
Darius Smith
1/5, 10:30pm
Darius Smith
I tried to pay today. Failed. Will try again tomorrow.
January 7, 2012
Darius Smith
1/7, 2:43pm
Darius Smith
I'm trying to get money to PayPal and YOU!
Lisa Carver
1/7, 2:43pm
Lisa Carver
The Man is against you!
Darius Smith
1/7, 2:43pm
Darius Smith
THE MAN!
YES!
I can send you a money order Monday if you want instead.
Lisa Carver
1/7, 3:25pm
Lisa Carver
Whatever works for you makes me happy. My physical address these days is 593 Tolend Rd., Dover NH 03820. White Lotus was one of the most powerful books I ever read, by the way. Thank you for sending it.
Darius Smith
1/7, 4:09pm
Darius Smith
M.O. to you Mon. HIROSHIMA by Hersey to you by Spring!
January 13, 2012
Darius Smith
1/13, 7:03am
Darius Smith
Just now ordered LISA DIARIES and DRUGS ARE NICE from Amazon (NOT the freak sub-contractors!) for my brother living for 5 years on a horse farm in Kentucky w/his gift card christmas gift...my first order from amazon (brother is 44 married no kids ever 2nd marriage Jack-of-All-Trades or whatevs. And GenL, thank YOU for being YOU!
Darius Smith
1/13, 7:39am
Darius Smith
Whatevs, Flowerpot! Luv Ya
January 16, 2012
Darius Smith
1/16, 5:06pm
Darius Smith
hi
March 29, 2012
Darius Smith
3/29, 4:07pm
Darius Smith
Sorry about the cheap dress. Also sorry about BUTTERFIELD 8. Hope you're well.
Lisa Carver
3/29, 4:19pm
Lisa Carver
You are very kind to send presents! Any dress is a good dress.
Darius Smith
3/29, 7:12pm
Darius Smith
no title certainly packs a wallop to phrase it mildly
whatevs ill write you a letter SOMEDAY ack ack ack
March 31, 2012
Darius Smith
3/31, 5:41pm
Darius Smith
no title
April 1, 2012
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:34am
Darius Smith
sorry
Lisa Carver
4/1, 10:42am
Lisa Carver
What are you sorry about???
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:42am
Darius Smith
nothing
Lisa Carver
4/1, 10:42am
Lisa Carver
Good!
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:42am
Darius Smith
ok
No Title is difficult reading, even worse than Faulkner!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:13am
Darius Smith
Nobel Prize for Lisa Carver 2112!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:31am
Darius Smith
You are Johnny Bravo III
Lisa Carver
4/1, 11:32am
Lisa Carver
If I got a Nobel Prize for __________, maybe then I'd be able to sell more than 150 copies, and make back some of the $12,000 I spent publishing it!!!!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:32am
Darius Smith
yes!
Lisa Carver
4/1, 11:41am
Lisa Carver
I know you're having money troubles of your own... are you going to be okay if you win all those things you bid on? I don't want to make you further in the money hole!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:42am
Darius Smith
i have money!
Darius Smith
4/1, 12:20pm
Darius Smith
luv of munny is the root of all evole!
evol
Darius Smith
4/1, 12:37pm
Darius Smith
luv of lisacarver is the root of all eevill [evol]
Darius Smith
4/1, 1:11pm
Darius Smith
carversmacks
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:13pm
Darius Smith
Sugar Smack
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:44pm
Darius Smith
Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe 1930s
Lisa Carver
4/1, 2:45pm
Lisa Carver
That was a good book!
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:45pm
Darius Smith
yes!
Darius Smith
4/1, 3:18pm
Darius Smith
YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN is the only Wolfe I've read.
Darius Smith
4/1, 3:45pm
Darius Smith
Ask me if I'm high.
Darius Smith
4/1, 4:38pm
Darius Smith
"Are you high?" "No."
Not at all.
April 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/1, 8:12pm
Lisa Carver
All the Thomas Wolfe books are worth reading.
Darius Smith
4/1, 8:16pm
Darius Smith
Read a VERY NICE bio from the 80s/90s
RADICAL CHIC or MAU-MAUING THE FLAK-CATCHERS
neat-o
wham-o
Tom Wolfe o'course.
Darius Smith
4/1, 9:18pm
Darius Smith
THE ELECTRIC KOOL-AID ACID TEST
THE FIRST THIRD by Neal Cassady
THE SUBTERRANEANS by Jack Kerouac
NAKED LUNCH II
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:43pm
Darius Smith
Cars Police Blondie 1978
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:45pm
Darius Smith
Kars Bobbies Redhead 2112
April 2, 2012
Darius Smith
4/2, 1:39pm
Darius Smith
THE CULT ["Love" LP 1986] UK
Two Brroke Dirls [TV]
Two Broke Girls [TV]
ME @UnderWhelm www.twitter.com/UnderWhelm
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:21pm
Darius Smith
Thrill Kill KuLt Anti-Seen DoublePlusGoodBasementStomp85
Laughing Hyehas/ Negatgive Approach/Necros/Electric Eels
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:37pm
Darius Smith
Ragged Bags, Pussy Galore, White Stripes/Beat Happehing. Nirvana, Courtney Love 2112 SeaLab2020 "Fade Into You" /1990s/USA//Mazzy Star/TheseImmortal Souls
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:51pm
Darius Smith
Elipper American Music Club, Slovenly, Avehgers ",Anathema, Dicks; The Rifle Club, Gun Club, The Next Nothing; Sistern, The Yips, Channel Five, Kansas, Chicago, The Great Plains, Mike RepAndTheQuotas; Early Th0masasJeffersonSlaveApartments. Clay, The Suburban Zone
Beatles/Stones/Who/Doors/Janis joplin/JimiHendrixExperience/Animals
Darius Smith
4/2, 3:58pm
Darius Smith
And, of course Suckdog 80s-90s USA
April 3, 2012
Darius Smith
4/3, 3:40am
Darius Smith
I wish Gilmore Tamny would commit suicide.
whatevs
Nite!
April 4, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/4, 6:25am
Lisa Carver
Why? Gilmore Tamny is a nice lady. Darius, I can't stop worrying about your bidding... with postage, you're bidding around $150 now. You send a couple emails about not having enough money for food. I don't want to take your food money!!!
Darius Smith
4/4, 8:59am
Darius Smith
Loss
April 6, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/6, 2:38pm
Lisa Carver
Darius, I am just too worried about taking your money and then you'll not have proper food or medicine or air conditioning or whatever you need for bills the next month. I read every email you send out, even though I don't usually respond, and it seems like the state or your family is able to give LESS money every month (I know I am experiencing the same thing in regards to the money I need for my children). So here's what I'm going to do. I think you bid too high, so I'm going to cancel your high bids, and then when the auction is over, I'll send you a Second Chance offer at a lower amount, and then you can choose whether or which ones you want to re-bid on at a lower cost. So you'll have the choice, but you won't be obligated to. Sound good?
December 12, 2012
Darius Smith
12/12, 5:34pm
Darius Smith
OK Luv to Luv Ya, Baby OK
December 13, 2012
Darius Smith
12/13, 10:15am
Darius Smith
Rape is Wrong!
December 14, 2012
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:42am
Darius Smith
My no title was stolen from me last nite! I read it in the State Hospital. Again, a difficult and worthwhile read. My ex-guardians confiscated my Rollerderby collection in June. Heck!
Lisa Carver
12/14, 10:44am
Lisa Carver
Thieves and Confiscators are Wrong!
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:44am
Darius Smith
I'll say!
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:51am
Darius Smith
You didn't make the top six in Our Standings. Why? Because you're a Zero!
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com
You are Neat-O. Gen L available?
Lisa Carver
12/14, 10:54am
Lisa Carver
No Gen L.
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:54am
Darius Smith
ok
she said she said
when i was a boy/everything was right
Lisa Carver
12/14, 11:04am
Lisa Carver
There are only three left of the DVD you bought.
Darius Smith
12/14, 11:04am
Darius Smith
ok
Weird. I'm like the least likable guy ever and today I have 200 frenz. Again, weird.
Lisa Carver
12/14, 11:07am
Lisa Carver
What? You're trouble, I could see that, but you're not unlikable!!
Darius Smith
12/14, 11:07am
Darius Smith
thanx
ok
December 15, 2012
Darius Smith
12/15, 9:04am
Darius Smith
"Hi,"
Darius Smith
12/15, 9:14am
Darius Smith
Zap!
December 16, 2012
Darius Smith
12/16, 12:02pm
Darius Smith
What's so funny about peace, love, undersdtanding, war, hate, confusion, and rape?
December 16, 2012
Darius Smith
12/16, 8:26pm
Darius Smith
We Love You The Rolling Stones/The Psychedelic Furs [1967/1979]
December 17, 2012
Darius Smith
12/17, 10:49am
Darius Smith
I may come into some cash today, want to buy more of your scattershot works. Gen L Forever
December 18, 2012
Darius Smith
12/18, 8:58am
Darius Smith
Ex-Gu rdians stole ROLLERDERBY collection and 60s Italian typerwriter!
DWIGHT and DIANE SMITH/8862 Kenwood Road/Cinncinnati/OH/45242 ph. no, 513-791-6360
Darius Smith
12/18, 9:38am
Darius Smith
Call me at 513-351-3261 anytime!
Darius Smith
12/18, 9:56am
Darius Smith
Susan Flanary Johnston 513-351-3261 0r 513-6163029
Darius Smith
12/18, 11:05am
Darius Smith
We Are Called
December 19, 2012
Darius Smith
12/19, 7:11am
Darius Smith
i owe you money
Darius Smith
12/19, 8:26am
Darius Smith
i am hyper-modern, myself
Darius Smith
12/19, 8:31am
Darius Smith
stay cool
December 19, 2012
Darius Smith
12/19, 3:37pm
Darius Smith
Now 90% of My nLisa Carver items have been stolen~
Darius Smith
12/19, 6:15pm
Darius Smith
Interview Casey A thony in Fla. this Winter?
Darius Smith
12/19, 6:47pm
Darius Smith
Casey Anthony
Darius Smith
12/19, 9:17pm
Darius Smith
Interview Bret Easton Ellis in LA!
December 20, 2012
Darius Smith
12/20, 4:50am
Darius Smith
is it cold?
December 20, 2012
Darius Smith
12/20, 12:18pm
Darius Smith
fun?
worthwhile?
of course darius!
Darius Smith
12/20, 3:05pm
Darius Smith
you are/are not gnostic
12/20/12Lisa Carver missed a call from you.
December 21, 2012
Darius Smith
12/21, 7:37pm
Darius Smith
Nor'Easter?
December 22, 2012
Darius Smith
12/22, 7:52am
Darius Smith
OK
Darius Smith
12/22, 8:02am
Darius Smith
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
December 30, 2012
Darius Smith
12/30, 11:29am
Darius Smith
IOU $25
December 31, 2012
Darius Smith
12/31, 7:29am
Darius Smith
Happy Nu-Yrs. Eve, Leeza Gibbons!
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:10am
Darius Smith
IOU $35
I may not be The Fonz but I'm the next best thing! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:13am
Lisa Carver
Hi Darius. A happy and free 2013 to you, too. Thank you for still loving Rollerderby, but please only bid on what you can pay for right away, as I get charged by eBay just for listing, so when you don't pay, I still get charged.
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:14am
Darius Smith
I almost always pay except when I was bidding hundreds for Dame Darcy original art!
I get $65 from the state today.
All my Rollerderbys were confiscated and destroyed by my dad and Diane while I was in the hospital. I still have #22 tho.
Happy New Year, Lisa Carver! You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown....
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:17am
Lisa Carver
I found the Debbie Jaffe interviews you weren't able to pay for because you got locked up, and I will stick them in your package free as a celebration of getting out, but you have to pay for the book and DVD you ordered a couple weeks ago of eBay is going to cut you off automatically!
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:17am
Darius Smith
ok
yes
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:17am
Lisa Carver
Or
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:17am
Darius Smith
$35 i know
Can I send you a money order or do you insist on PayPal only?
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:36am
Darius Smith
Wha.
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:56am
Lisa Carver
Money order is fine with me, but since you ordered on ebay, they only accept paypal. I will try to cancel your order there. My address is 168 Central Ave., Apt. 4, Dover NH 03820. You know, I would not be offended at all if you put 22 up for sale on ebay or elsewhere. I see people getting $15, $20 for that sold out issue. I would be happy for you to be getting the money for it! Happy day to you!
Darius Smith
12/31, 9:13am
Darius Smith
Thanx!
Lisa Carver
12/31, 10:49am
Lisa Carver
Do you get SSI? If so, did you know you got a 1.2% raise starting today?
Darius Smith
12/31, 11:27am
Darius Smith
SSDI/SSI first raise in 5 years, I think.
December 31, 2012
Darius Smith
12/31, 2:35pm
Darius Smith
I'm Not OK/You're Not OK
Just Kidding
January 2, 2013
Darius Smith
1/2, 12:43pm
Darius Smith
Luv Ya, Sweet Nothing! Suckdog is worse than Yoko, again I luv it!!
January 3, 2013
Darius Smith
1/3, 3:29pm
Darius Smith
You Are Pretty!
January 4, 2013
Darius Smith
1/4, 3:46pm
Darius Smith
IOU $45
Lisa Carver
1/4, 3:57pm
Lisa Carver
I know. Send me a money order. I found an old letter of yours I set aside along with the interviews with Debbie Jaffe.
Darius Smith
1/4, 3:57pm
Darius Smith
OK
January 8, 2013
Darius Smith
1/8, 1:27pm
Darius Smith
Darius Smith: ___________ is Amazing/Upsetting/EntirelyCorrect/Effortless/Futuristic/All-New!/All-Now!
Lisa Carver
1/8, 1:40pm
Lisa Carver
Thank you. Best review I've gotten, I think.
Darius Smith
1/8, 1:41pm
Darius Smith
As always you are maybe, at times, THE WORLD'S FINEST!
January 10, 2013
Darius Smith
1/10, 6:15am
Darius Smith
Stupid Ohio!
Gimme the White Cliffs of Dover!
January 18, 2013
Darius Smith
1/18, 3:09pm
Darius Smith
Will send $45 m.o. Wednesday.
Lisa Carver
1/18, 3:09pm
Lisa Carver
Great. I still have your various extra papers.
Darius Smith
1/18, 3:09pm
Darius Smith
Kool Kings
January 28, 2013
Lisa Carver
1/28, 7:43pm
Lisa Carver
What did you order? I have 5 issues of Rollerderby, _________, and the suckumentary. Did you order something else, too?
Darius Smith
1/28, 7:49pm
Darius Smith
No Title
Lisa Carver
1/28, 7:50pm
Lisa Carver
Yeah, that's __________. I think $45 is too much. Want the Rollerderby book, too?
Darius Smith
1/28, 7:54pm
Darius Smith
OK, thanks!
January 30, 2013
Darius Smith
1/30, 6:37pm
Darius Smith
I escaped from the hospital today. They let me go. I can receive your parcel.
Lisa Carver
1/30, 6:37pm
Lisa Carver
Good.
Darius Smith
1/30, 6:38pm
Darius Smith
Yes.
Darius Smith
1/30, 7:58pm
Darius Smith
Live Through It
Lisa Carver
1/30, 7:59pm
Lisa Carver
Is the address the same as what's on the envelope you sent me?
Darius Smith
1/30, 8:00pm
Darius Smith
Yes!
Live Through This
Darius Smith
1/30, 10:11pm
Darius Smith
Gimme Shelter
January 31, 2013
Darius Smith
1/31, 8:09am
Darius Smith
$20.00 for novel?
Lisa Carver
1/31, 8:10am
Lisa Carver
The gerbil novel? It's only two pages!
Darius Smith
1/31, 8:24am
Darius Smith
$10.00?
Darius Smith
1/31, 10:24am
Darius Smith
$35.00 nxt Tuesday?
next
Lisa Carver
1/31, 10:25am
Lisa Carver
Let's wait and see how the auction plays out over the next six days.
Darius Smith
1/31, 10:32am
Darius Smith
OK
February 11, 2013
Darius Smith
2/11, 11:35pm
Darius Smith
days at the psych ward
February 12, 2013
Lisa Carver
2/12, 6:39am
Lisa Carver
I hope you're doing all right.
February 13, 2013
Darius Smith
2/13, 8:20am
Darius Smith
i was tring to say that I missed your parcel becase I was in the hosp.
Lisa Carver
2/13, 8:54am
Lisa Carver
What happened? Did someone hold it for you, or is it being sent back to me?
Darius Smith
2/13, 8:57am
Darius Smith
Prob. left outside my door. Swiped!
Lisa Carver
2/13, 8:58am
Lisa Carver
Oh nooooooooooooo!
Darius Smith
2/13, 8:59am
Darius Smith
I still have __________
Lisa Carver
2/13, 9:01am
Lisa Carver
It may still be in transit. When did I mail it? A week ago or so? Media mail can take a week or more.
Darius Smith
2/13, 9:03am
Darius Smith
I hope so. Once a guy sent me Weed UPS left ii in the hall the package was even ripped but all they saw was books and left it alone
I don't get why my dad kept like 20 Rollerderby mags!
February 15, 2013
Darius Smith
2/15, 12:14pm
Darius Smith
is your address 168 Central Ave.?
Lisa Carver
2/15, 12:16pm
Lisa Carver
Yes, why?
Darius Smith
2/15, 1:10pm
Darius Smith
Magical Mystery Parcel on the way! Help is on the Way!
Lisa Carver
2/15, 1:16pm
Lisa Carver
Yay!
Darius Smith
2/15, 1:16pm
Darius Smith
Right On! Magazine! Jet Magazine!
Darius Smith
2/15, 2:15pm
Darius Smith
See! Michelle Williams airbrushed like never before!
See! The Shocking Virtue of Selfishness!
See! The Origin of the New Gods!
All of this and Frankenstein,too!
February 15, 2013
Darius Smith
2/15, 8:32pm
Darius Smith
New parcel goes out Tue/Wed to YOU.
February 16, 2013
Darius Smith
2/16, 9:41am
Darius Smith
"I buried Paul"
February 17, 2013
Darius Smith
2/17, 6:36pm
Darius Smith
Luv is all u need.
February 17, 2013
Darius Smith
2/17, 10:07pm
Darius Smith
WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR, LISA? I WANT TO FOLLOW YOU, LISA, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU STAND FOR!
February 18, 2013
Lisa Carver
2/18, 8:34am
Lisa Carver
I think I'll take a seat!
Darius Smith
2/18, 8:34am
Darius Smith
pk
Miss You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hic-dnps6MU
ovv.
pbv.
February 19, 2013
Darius Smith
2/19, 2:04pm
Darius Smith
Hey!
February 21, 2013
Darius Smith
2/21, 11:08am
Darius Smith
Boredom! Boredom! B'dom, B'dom!
Lisa Carver
2/21, 11:08am
Lisa Carver
I got your package, thanks so much. I look forward to consuming the books!
Darius Smith
2/21, 11:13am
Darius Smith
Yay!
February 22, 2013
Darius Smith
2/22, 12:43pm
Darius Smith
Did you receive my m.o. for the Rollerderby items?
Lisa Carver
2/22, 12:43pm
Lisa Carver
Yes, thanks. You mean the one from last month?
Darius Smith
2/22, 12:43pm
Darius Smith
Yes!
February 22, 2013
Darius Smith
2/22, 4:04pm
Darius Smith
Here Comes Everybody!
(James Joyce!)
February 23, 2013
Darius Smith
2/23, 10:29am
Darius Smith
TARANTULA !!
Can I send you more money, Lisa?
Darius Smith
2/23, 10:53am
Darius Smith
Hey!
Darius Smith
2/23, 11:26am
Darius Smith
Freeks that like YOU better than Nicole Dexter!
Lisa Carver
2/23, 2:25pm
Lisa Carver
Nicole is dead, so she doesn't have a chance to turn into whoever she would have, and created whatever she might have. What is it you wanted to send me money for? Don't you have everything now?
Darius Smith
2/23, 2:25pm
Darius Smith
NO !!
Nix! Nix!
Nein! Nine!
Lisa Carver
2/23, 2:26pm
Lisa Carver
You didn't know that Nicole died? I'm sorry. It was a couple years ago. She overdosed.
Darius Smith
2/23, 2:26pm
Darius Smith
I knew, Lisa. That day, in fact.
She was MY only real girlfriend ever.
ONLY ONE
Lisa Carver
2/23, 2:28pm
Lisa Carver
Well, it's time to find a new girlfriend. You're a good looking guy. Go find one.
Darius Smith
2/23, 2:29pm
Darius Smith
All the Others Suxxx.
You.
No One.
You.
???
Darius Smith
2/23, 4:36pm
Darius Smith
Yes?
February 24, 2013
Darius Smith
2/24, 7:22pm
Darius Smith
GenL
Darius Smith
2/24, 8:56pm
Darius Smith
Ten Dollar Bill this week for GenL?
Lisa Carver
2/24, 9:01pm
Lisa Carver
I will look for a special package for you.
Darius Smith
2/24, 9:02pm
Darius Smith
Done and Done!
I was at $35/wk. in 2012, at $45/wk. Now, aiming for $65/wk. in Mar.!
February 26, 2013
Darius Smith
2/26, 9:06am
Darius Smith
$10 to YOU today.
Darius Smith
2/26, 9:27am
Darius Smith
Central Ave.?
Lisa Carver
2/26, 9:28am
Lisa Carver
168 Central Ave. Apt. 4, Dover NH 03820
Darius Smith
2/26, 9:28am
Darius Smith
ok
February 27, 2013
Darius Smith
2/27, 5:12pm
Darius Smith
Week's money gone in one day, o'course!
March 2, 2013
Darius Smith
3/2, 8:25am
Darius Smith
Flavor Crystals! What are they? Geez
Darius Smith
3/2, 9:12am
Darius Smith
Stuporman vs Spider-Man!
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:46am
Darius Smith
Lisa! Is anything not selling? I am sending you ten, I can afford another five Mon/Tue. Not used Kleenex pleeze!
Lisa Carver
3/2, 11:47am
Lisa Carver
I will send you a big list of stuff and you pick a few.
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:48am
Darius Smith
OK! Magazine, Leeza....
March 2, 2013
Darius Smith
3/2, 10:34pm
Darius Smith
Neat! Neat! Neat!
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:29pm
Darius Smith
I am petitioning the SSA to return control of my checks in Mach. I will be a "vitual" millionaire! You willshae in my newfound wealth, LC!
Mach
March
Darius Smith
3/3, 12:49am
Darius Smith
"virtual"
will share
March 3, 2013
Darius Smith
3/3, 2:34pm
Darius Smith
Chinatown1 nyc would make sense, right for you? I kno Sf chinatown pretty well for a White devil, love it and it can be actually scary at night1
March 7, 2013
Darius Smith
3/7, 6:41am
Darius Smith
I have a winning "Cash Explosion" ticket in the house SOMEWHERE-_$10!
March 18, 2013
Darius Smith
3/18, 1:08am
Darius Smith
Show 'em how the Suxwest was won, Leez!
March 23, 2013
Darius Smith
3/23, 12:22pm
Darius Smith
Lisa! $10 Bill to you next Tue. for Gen L (damaged copy) and maybe something else.Imitation of Christ
March 24, 2013
Darius Smith
3/24, 10:32am
Darius Smith
"I'll Be Your Mirror"
March 24, 2013
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:21pm
Darius Smith
Nicole was built like a car.
Lisa Carver
3/24, 3:23pm
Lisa Carver
She was a real, sweet, lost girl. You shouldn't speak of her as an object.
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:25pm
Darius Smith
Quoting T Rex I kno she was all-around amazing. Sweet, Golden Queen-Like, Kind, Smart and Too Trusting w/her drug buddies I guess
Lisa Carver
3/24, 3:26pm
Lisa Carver
She was too trusting with the whole world. :, (
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:27pm
Darius Smith
Saddest Story Ever Told
Lisa Carver
3/24, 4:56pm
Lisa Carver
I know.
Darius Smith
3/24, 4:58pm
Darius Smith
Last "chat" was me telling her how she should come to Ohio because of our imaginary dramatic amazing Winter weather.
Darius Smith
3/24, 5:03pm
Darius Smith
From first sight of her foto and first reesponse in yr VICE artice she was an electo-magnet and I found out I had an iron core, which I had felt once before in my life. I mean yes I was delusional and all yet I tried to be the best person possible "on-line" for the first time, she amzed stunned me into a better person than before I saw yr psych ward interview. Thank you, Lisa, thanx.
March 26, 2013
Darius Smith
3/26, 8:50pm
Darius Smith
going underground, Lisa?
Darius Smith
3/26, 10:01pm
Darius Smith
counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike/they've aa gone to look for america
i still owe you $10!
April 2, 2013
Darius Smith
4/2, 7:56pm
Darius Smith
$10 next Tue. to you.
April 4, 2013
Darius Smith
4/4, 1:37pm
Darius Smith
Any interest in Lisa Carver Comix? (with your title of course!)
Lisa Carver
4/4, 1:38pm
Lisa Carver
Oh, I don't know. I get kind of tired of myself.
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 7:14am
Darius Smith
No Naked Woman!
Lisa Carver
4/6, 7:14am
Lisa Carver
Not right next to my daughter.
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 2:53pm
Darius Smith
What's So Funny About Peace, Love, Understanding, War, Hate, Confusion, and Rape, Lisa "Krumb-Kake" Carver?
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 11:40pm
Darius Smith
We Love You, Lisa!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:08am
Darius Smith
Have you seen Marlboro Black 100s yet?
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:19am
Darius Smith
Too Drunk to Fuck, Kristee?
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:25am
Darius Smith
I bought a winning Cash Explosion ticket tonight, $20 for $1 cost, one other non-win! Yay!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:57am
Darius Smith
Miss You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hic-dnps6MU
Darius Smith
4/7, 2:06am
Darius Smith
Can you see the real me/Can ya?/Can ya?
Darius Smith
4/7, 4:15am
Darius Smith
Love Reign O'er Me! !!?!
Just Kidding
Stay Cool
Lisa Carver
4/7, 5:44am
Lisa Carver
Darius, please stop posting links to my wall.
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:11am
Darius Smith
ok
"I Am a Camera"
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:32am
Darius Smith
See You in church, Lisa!
Church
Lisa Carver
4/7, 6:47am
Lisa Carver
Thank you!
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:56am
Darius Smith
A Reading Rainbow!
Don't knock the Rock
Rock Around the Clock!
Darius Smith
4/7, 7:21am
Darius Smith
Transvision Vamp Wendy James UK 1980s
Sigue Sigue Sputnik 1980s IK
Bay City Rollers
KC and the Sunshine Band
Captain & Tennille
Andrea True Connection
Dilver Convention
Night on Disco Mountain
"To Be Real"
Luv It All !!?!
Silver Convention
"Fly, Robin, Fly"
Bennie and the Jets
Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting
Plastic Ono Band
LIVE PEACE IN TORONTO 1969 UK/USA
wild and wooly nite apparently
SOMR TIME IN NEW YORK CITY !972
SOME
Gimme Some Truth
"Dancing queen"
Queen
Dancing Queen
Forever Now
Pretty in Pink
We Love You
The Ghost in You
"Church of the Poison Mind" Culture Club 1984 UK
Darius Smith
4/7, 8:52am
Darius Smith
Super Kool 120s
Darius Smith
4/7, 8:58am
Darius Smith
Home from church just now. pretty lame as ever!
Did you know that I am a Southern Baptist for life? Sadly true fact! "So Sad About Us" The Who 1967 UK
Darius Smith
4/7, 9:25am
Darius Smith
THE WHO SELL OUT [Decca 1967 UK]
Everything is amazing NOT AT ALL today!
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/…/she-is-pretty-much-per…
Onward Unknown Soldiers!!?!
Again, Miss You.
Darius Smith
4/7, 9:35am
Darius Smith
HEADQUARTERS by The Monkees 1967 USA
THE DECLINE OF THE WEST by Oswald Spengler 1920s Germany?
MEIN KAMPF by A. Hitler 1920s
MINDCAMP by Darius Smith 1999 USA
THE CHROME-PLATED MACHINE PISTOL by Darius Smith 2013 USA
A Novel
Kee-Rist!
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:12am
Darius Smith
Katie Couric is World's Finest Human Being!
_____________ has sold how many copies in a year? 400?
Love My Way
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:23am
Darius Smith
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/…/dylan-as-far-as-im-con…
"The Amerikan in Me"
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:45am
Darius Smith
"Citadel" The Rolling Stones 1967 UK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHOL5M0dfiw
See or Not See!
Darius Smith
4/7, 11:14am
Darius Smith
Is it safe?
Luv to Luv Ya, Baby!!?!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:15pm
Darius Smith
PSYCHOCANDY
"Never understand"
"Never Understand"
"I Can't Explain"
DARKLANDS
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:28pm
Darius Smith
PUSSY GALORE
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 1:33am
Darius Smith
$10 bill to central ave. Mon. or Tue. I swear, lisa.
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 11:44am
Darius Smith
I promise not to betray your "Facebook Trust," Lisa!
Lisa Carver
4/8, 11:48am
Lisa Carver
It's no problem. It's just that this is my workspace mostly, so I have to keep it to that to an extent. Gotta pay my rent!
Darius Smith
4/8, 11:52am
Darius Smith
In ten minutes I will magically possess $45! And sorry about the hypo-mania! Luv Ya! As Ever!
WAR is PEACE, LOVE is HATE, and CONFUSION is SEX.
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:01pm
Darius Smith
Hobilly said you were a "Yuppie!"
Lisa Carver
4/8, 12:02pm
Lisa Carver
Who is Hobilly?
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:02pm
Darius Smith
You are really an UNWED MOTHER !!
Middle-Aged Cinti. Punk.
Lisa Carver
4/8, 12:04pm
Lisa Carver
A yuppie is someone in their 20s or 30s, professional, urban, upper middle class. I am none of these. Hobilly is so wrong, whoever he is. Doesn't matter anyway, no one really IS something.
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:04pm
Darius Smith
THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS
yes
You sent him 2 letters in the 90s.
Also Witt or Allen Michael Scmidtz or something is a HUGE Lisa Suckdog fan! Cinti. guy.
Suckdog is Challenging!
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 3:51pm
Darius Smith
Your mail is soon going to be superkool, LC!
Plus $10 even!
Darius Smith
4/8, 4:02pm
Darius Smith
Time/Life/Rollerderby
!!!
Yesss!
May 21, 2013
Darius Smith
5/21, 2:33pm
Darius Smith
Parcel for you next Monday sent out!
June 3, 2013
Darius Smith
6/3, 5:27pm
Darius Smith
You ought to receive parcel this Sat. nothing earth-shattering, tho.
June 4, 2013
Darius Smith
6/4, 12:59pm
Darius Smith
X X O
June 6, 2013
Darius Smith
6/6, 5:56am
Darius Smith
Lisa
June 8, 2013
Darius Smith
6/8, 2:42pm
Darius Smith
I don't want to sound complaining/But you know it's always raining in myheart/I do all the pleasing with you/It's so hard to reason with you!
June 10, 2013
Darius Smith
6/10, 5:25pm
Darius Smith
Ok okay
August 4, 2013
Darius Smith
8/4, 10:27am
Darius Smith
Book avalamche lsoon Lixa,
Book Monsoon
@@@@!!@!!!!!!!$$$$
August 5, 2013
Darius Smith
8/5, 7:55pm
Darius Smith
Are you still Queen of the Milky Way
August 14, 2013
Darius Smith
8/14, 7:23pm
Darius Smith
Luv ya!
Darius Smith
8/14, 7:35pm
Darius Smith
??!?
August 22, 2013
Darius Smith
8/22, 1:26pm
Darius Smith
Saving up for postage on yr. 3-ton parcel!!
September 21, 2013
Darius Smith
9/21, 7:12pm
Darius Smith
Monday
Outgoing mail
Period.
September 23, 2013
Darius Smith
9/23, 9:09pm
Darius Smith
Sledgtehammer'd w/books soon in Dover Town, Miss Bizzee!
Darius Smith
9/23, 9:39pm
Darius Smith
Incl. THE WALL by Hersey!
Darius Smith
9/23, 10:58pm
Darius Smith
Outgoing mail this Wed. "Book Rate" incl. a few menthol cigarettes?
Lisa Carver
9/23, 10:59pm
Lisa Carver
Strangely, cigarettes turn liquid after a while, and smudge everything.
September 24, 2013
Darius Smith
9/24, 9:41am
Darius Smith
Yesss!
Darius Smith
9/24, 9:46am
Darius Smith
Will you deare read Jean Genet, Leeza??!?
I Will DEare
"I Will Dare"{
September 27, 2013
Darius Smith
9/27, 7:27am
Darius Smith
2 parcels speeding toward Dover Ville Leez!~
Darius Smith
9/27, 10:04am
Darius Smith
LOuv iz all yu need Leez!
Darius Smith
9/27, 10:28am
Darius Smith
Will send another ten*spot Monday Morning, Lisa Carver COMING DOWN LIKE SUNDSAY MORNING O FUKK
October 1, 2013
Darius Smith
10/1, 10:27pm
Darius Smith
301 frenz is insane. I have 2 frnz in Cinbti.!
October 2, 2013
Lisa Carver
10/2, 12:46pm
Lisa Carver
I got your books. Thank you some much. Some I've read already, but are good for re-reading. Some I always meant to get around to and never did. You are very kind.
Darius Smith
10/2, 1:11pm
Darius Smith
xxo
Darius Smith
10/2, 2:48pm
Darius Smith
October 3, 2013
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:31am
Darius Smith
Where are you w/regard to E. Hemingway?? I sent you NICK ADAMS STOIRIES...did yhou btoss it in the fireplace? IN OUR TIME/A FAREWELL TO ARMS/A MOVEABLE FEAST/DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON all majopr faves of mine, he won the Nobel Prize, his is equal to the word "writer" yet read ers seem scarce and when I sometime come across a person who hbas any awareness of say THE SUN ALSO RISES or FOR WHOM T^HE BELL TOLLS or even THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA i get giddy with excitement....
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:33am
Darius Smith
Did you hasve any interest in freading THIS SIDE OF PARADISE FSF's first novel? Love that guy too because i am a living American Stereotype!
Faulkner is impenetrable to me except for SOLDIER'SX PAY
Love Dos Passos (3 SOLDEIERS, USA TRILOGY) abndf Edmund Wilson (THE AMERIFCDAN EARTHQUAKE, ee cummings and Wolfe and esp. Dorothy Parker!
In the4 end I( love everyone whoever Attempted fiction poetry or essays, II me4an imaqgine all the rejected novels in the past 500 years gthat rivfalled THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV or ULYSSES, I would bet there are mANY MANY fucfk the too many hack editors since 1600!
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:39am
Darius Smith
Darius Smith
10/3, 1:17pm
Darius Smith
May I send you a "work-related" e-mail later today, Leez? Also, I'm dying to kno which boo0s in the latest parcels you've already read! "gang-related"
October 4, 2013
Darius Smith
10/4, 9:09pm
Darius Smith
You already read NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND?
October 6, 2013
Darius Smith
10/6, 11:14am
Darius Smith
Darius Smith
10/6, 11:14am
Darius Smith
WE LOVE YOU, LISA!
January 7
Darius Smith
1/7, 3:35pm
Darius Smith
Miss You
Lisa Carver
1/7, 3:36pm
Lisa Carver
I'm STILL reading your books and lighting your incense!
January 9
Darius Smith
1/9, 6:45pm
Darius Smith
Stay Kool, Kristee!
March 5
Darius Smith
3/5, 5:00pm
Darius Smith
THREEV HUNDREDV TWO SUXXX
Luv Ya!!
March 8
Darius Smith
3/8, 5:33am
Darius Smith
SEE OR NOT SEE WWW.BABYKILLER.COM SEE OR NOT SEE
SEE OR NOT SEE WWW.BABYKILLER.COM SEE OR NOT SEE
How to Lose Friends and Repel People! WWW.BABYKILLER.COM See or Not See!
I Died 6Jun1944! Born (for the tenth time: 23May1945...I am REALLY 68 going toward 69. Seriously! www.babykiller.com SEE OR NOT SEE
March 8
Darius Smith
3/8, 10:47am
Darius Smith
STAY GAY, LESBIA !! SORRY KRISTEE !! 5133513261 0OR 5133029823 OR 911 OR 411 OR 15551212 OR 1800-555-1212............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................???????????????????????????????????????????
Lisa Carver
3/8, 11:00am
Lisa Carver
I'm not gay. I'm not Kristee. I'm not a place to advertise yourself over and over. Conversations are fine.
Darius Smith
3/8, 11:07am
Darius Smith
YOUB ARE NOT GAY YOU ARE CRYSTAL "GAYLE" NCARVER YOPU ARE AN UNWED MOTHER VOF THREE?? TWO?? CALL ME OR NOT WHATE#VS>>>>>XXXX..............................XXX
March 10
Darius Smith
3/10, 8:00am
Darius Smith
HOMOSEXULAITY TODAY I "love" gays. I am NOT gay, YOU are NOT gay. YOU maybe don't love gays so much, makes nYOU uncomfortable when I suggest you might "dabble"in in Sapphism? My ph. no. is 513-351-3261. My address ids SMITH/5722 Montgomery Rd. Apt. 6/Cinti. OH 45206-1971 If you are UPSET w/me, Lisa, PLEASE CALL 911 (Nine One One) I love you more than I love myself m"kristee." So there. Write back IF YOU DARE.
Darius Smith
3/10, 8:02am
Darius Smith
ALSO: If I don't advertise myself....Who Will??!? Jeezuzus fukk....
Lisa Carver
3/10, 8:11am
Lisa Carver
I wish I were gay. I support myself and two children by selling my books, and the main way I sell them is through people reading my Facebook. I ask people to not put their links on my page over and over, because this is my place of business. It's like if I had a physical store selling ashtrays, and you came in every day putting your ashtrays over mine, and no one could see my ashtrays for sale. I will accept your friend request if you can act like a friend on my page and not a traveling salesperson.
Darius Smith
3/10, 9:03am
Darius Smith
I can't read your message right this second but I'm responding anyhow. SEE http://thenextnothing.blogspot.com OR NOT SEE AGAIN, I love YOU more than I love myself YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND FOR ALL-TIME! jeffreydarrensmith@gmail.com
i can't explain
thenextnothing.blogspot.com
Conversation started August 15, 2011
Darius Smith
8/15, 2:11pm
Darius Smith

Hi, Lisa. Expect a package, including some "collector's items," valued eleven dollars or less.

Each, not total.

Within a week.
Lisa Carver
8/15, 3:20pm
Lisa Carver

I loved the last package! In fact, I burned some Michelle Obama earlier today!
September 21, 2011
Darius Smith
9/21, 8:20pm
Darius Smith

ja wohl !!
September 24, 2011
Darius Smith
9/24, 5:59am
Darius Smith

"Jailhouse Rock"
November 18, 2011
Darius Smith
11/18, 5:23am
Darius Smith

hi
Darius Smith
11/18, 6:20am
Darius Smith

Hi.
Darius Smith
11/18, 6:27am
Darius Smith

Lezzie!

sux

STABBER
Darius Smith
11/18, 7:17am
Darius Smith

www.gay.com
December 26, 2011
Darius Smith
12/26, 8:22am
Darius Smith

hi
December 29, 2011
Darius Smith
12/29, 1:14pm
Darius Smith

Have you read HIROSHIMA by John Hersey?
Darius Smith
12/29, 3:06pm
Darius Smith

Have you read WHITE LOTUS yet?
Lisa Carver
12/29, 3:07pm
Lisa Carver

Almost done with it. It's great! Never read Hiroshima, no.
Darius Smith
12/29, 3:07pm
Darius Smith

I have a copy for you!

Later 2012: THE WALL
January 4, 2012
Darius Smith
1/4, 1:06pm
Darius Smith

"Hi."
January 5, 2012
Lisa Carver
1/5, 6:03pm
Lisa Carver

Hey there! You won two items on eBay and pretty soon they're going to yell at you!
January 5, 2012
Darius Smith
1/5, 10:30pm
Darius Smith

I tried to pay today. Failed. Will try again tomorrow.
January 7, 2012
Darius Smith
1/7, 2:43pm
Darius Smith

I'm trying to get money to PayPal and YOU!
Lisa Carver
1/7, 2:43pm
Lisa Carver

The Man is against you!
Darius Smith
1/7, 2:43pm
Darius Smith

THE MAN!

YES!

I can send you a money order Monday if you want instead.
Lisa Carver
1/7, 3:25pm
Lisa Carver

Whatever works for you makes me happy. My physical address these days is 593 Tolend Rd., Dover NH 03820. White Lotus was one of the most powerful books I ever read, by the way. Thank you for sending it.
Darius Smith
1/7, 4:09pm
Darius Smith

M.O. to you Mon. HIROSHIMA by Hersey to you by Spring!
January 13, 2012
Darius Smith
1/13, 7:03am
Darius Smith

Just now ordered LISA DIARIES and DRUGS ARE NICE from Amazon (NOT the freak sub-contractors!) for my brother living for 5 years on a horse farm in Kentucky w/his gift card christmas gift...my first order from amazon (brother is 44 married no kids ever 2nd marriage Jack-of-All-Trades or whatevs. And GenL, thank YOU for being YOU!
Darius Smith
1/13, 7:39am
Darius Smith

Whatevs, Flowerpot! Luv Ya
January 16, 2012
Darius Smith
1/16, 5:06pm
Darius Smith

hi
March 29, 2012
Darius Smith
3/29, 4:07pm
Darius Smith

Sorry about the cheap dress. Also sorry about BUTTERFIELD 8. Hope you're well.
Lisa Carver
3/29, 4:19pm
Lisa Carver

You are very kind to send presents! Any dress is a good dress.
Darius Smith
3/29, 7:12pm
Darius Smith

no title certainly packs a wallop to phrase it mildly

whatevs ill write you a letter SOMEDAY ack ack ack
March 31, 2012
Darius Smith
3/31, 5:41pm
Darius Smith

no title
April 1, 2012
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:34am
Darius Smith

sorry
Lisa Carver
4/1, 10:42am
Lisa Carver

What are you sorry about???
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:42am
Darius Smith

nothing
Lisa Carver
4/1, 10:42am
Lisa Carver

Good!
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:42am
Darius Smith

ok

No Title is difficult reading, even worse than Faulkner!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:13am
Darius Smith

Nobel Prize for Lisa Carver 2112!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:31am
Darius Smith

You are Johnny Bravo III
Lisa Carver
4/1, 11:32am
Lisa Carver

If I got a Nobel Prize for __________, maybe then I'd be able to sell more than 150 copies, and make back some of the $12,000 I spent publishing it!!!!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:32am
Darius Smith

yes!
Lisa Carver
4/1, 11:41am
Lisa Carver

I know you're having money troubles of your own... are you going to be okay if you win all those things you bid on? I don't want to make you further in the money hole!
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:42am
Darius Smith

i have money!
Darius Smith
4/1, 12:20pm
Darius Smith

luv of munny is the root of all evole!

evol
Darius Smith
4/1, 12:37pm
Darius Smith

luv of lisacarver is the root of all eevill [evol]
Darius Smith
4/1, 1:11pm
Darius Smith

carversmacks
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:13pm
Darius Smith

Sugar Smack
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:44pm
Darius Smith

Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe 1930s
Lisa Carver
4/1, 2:45pm
Lisa Carver

That was a good book!
Darius Smith
4/1, 2:45pm
Darius Smith

yes!
Darius Smith
4/1, 3:18pm
Darius Smith

YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN is the only Wolfe I've read.
Darius Smith
4/1, 3:45pm
Darius Smith

Ask me if I'm high.
Darius Smith
4/1, 4:38pm
Darius Smith

"Are you high?" "No."

Not at all.
April 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/1, 8:12pm
Lisa Carver

All the Thomas Wolfe books are worth reading.
Darius Smith
4/1, 8:16pm
Darius Smith

Read a VERY NICE bio from the 80s/90s

RADICAL CHIC or MAU-MAUING THE FLAK-CATCHERS

neat-o

wham-o

Tom Wolfe o'course.
Darius Smith
4/1, 9:18pm
Darius Smith

THE ELECTRIC KOOL-AID ACID TEST

THE FIRST THIRD by Neal Cassady

THE SUBTERRANEANS by Jack Kerouac

NAKED LUNCH II
Darius Smith
4/1, 10:43pm
Darius Smith

Cars Police Blondie 1978
Darius Smith
4/1, 11:45pm
Darius Smith

Kars Bobbies Redhead 2112
April 2, 2012
Darius Smith
4/2, 1:39pm
Darius Smith

THE CULT ["Love" LP 1986] UK

Two Brroke Dirls [TV]

Two Broke Girls [TV]

ME @UnderWhelm www.twitter.com/UnderWhelm
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:21pm
Darius Smith

Thrill Kill KuLt Anti-Scene DoublePlusGoodBasementStomp85

Laughing Hyehas/ Negatgive Approach/Necros/Electric Eels
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:37pm
Darius Smith

Ragged Bags, Pussy Galore, White Stripes/Beat Happehing. Nirvana, Courtney Love 2112 SeaLab2020 "Fade Into You" /1990s/USA//Mazzy Star/TheseImmortal Souls
Darius Smith
4/2, 2:51pm
Darius Smith

Elipper American Music Club, Slovenly, Avehgers ",Anathema, Dicks; The Rifle Club, Gun Club, The Next Nothing; Sistern, The Yips, Channel Five, Kansas, Chicago, The Great Plains, Mike RepAndTheQuotas; Early Th0masasJeffersonSlaveApartments. Clay, The Suburban Zone

Beatles/Stones/Who/Doors/Janis joplin/JimiHendrixExperience/Animals
Darius Smith
4/2, 3:58pm
Darius Smith

And, of course Suckdog 80s-90s USA
April 3, 2012
Darius Smith
4/3, 3:40am
Darius Smith

I wish Gilmore Tamny would commit suicide.

whatevs

Nite!
April 4, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/4, 6:25am
Lisa Carver

Why? Gilmore Tamny is a nice lady. Darius, I can't stop worrying about your bidding... with postage, you're bidding around $150 now. You send a couple emails about not having enough money for food. I don't want to take your food money!!!
Darius Smith
4/4, 8:59am
Darius Smith

Loss
April 6, 2012
Lisa Carver
4/6, 2:38pm
Lisa Carver

Darius, I am just too worried about taking your money and then you'll not have proper food or medicine or air conditioning or whatever you need for bills the next month. I read every email you send out, even though I don't usually respond, and it seems like the state or your family is able to give LESS money every month (I know I am experiencing the same thing in regards to the money I need for my children). So here's what I'm going to do. I think you bid too high, so I'm going to cancel your high bids, and then when the auction is over, I'll send you a Second Chance offer at a lower amount, and then you can choose whether or which ones you want to re-bid on at a lower cost. So you'll have the choice, but you won't be obligated to. Sound good?
December 12, 2012
Darius Smith
12/12, 5:34pm
Darius Smith

OK Luv to Luv Ya, Baby OK
December 13, 2012
Darius Smith
12/13, 10:15am
Darius Smith

Rape is Wrong!
December 14, 2012
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:42am
Darius Smith

My no title was stolen from me last nite! I read it in the State Hospital. Again, a difficult and worthwhile read. My ex-guardians confiscated my Rollerderby collection in June. Heck!
Lisa Carver
12/14, 10:44am
Lisa Carver

Thieves and Confiscators are Wrong!
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:44am
Darius Smith

I'll say!
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:51am
Darius Smith

You didn't make the top six in Our Standings. Why? Because you're a Zero!

http://themossproblem.blogspot.com

You are Neat-O. Gen L available?
Lisa Carver
12/14, 10:54am
Lisa Carver

No Gen L.
Darius Smith
12/14, 10:54am
Darius Smith

ok

she said she said

when i was a boy/everything was right
Lisa Carver
12/14, 11:04am
Lisa Carver

There are only three left of the DVD you bought.
Darius Smith
12/14, 11:04am
Darius Smith

ok

Weird. I'm like the least likable guy ever and today I have 200 frenz. Again, weird.
Lisa Carver
12/14, 11:07am
Lisa Carver

What? You're trouble, I could see that, but you're not unlikable!!
Darius Smith
12/14, 11:07am
Darius Smith

thanx

ok
December 15, 2012
Darius Smith
12/15, 9:04am
Darius Smith

"Hi,"
Darius Smith
12/15, 9:14am
Darius Smith

Zap!
December 16, 2012
Darius Smith
12/16, 12:02pm
Darius Smith

What's so funny about peace, love, undersdtanding, war, hate, confusion, and rape?
December 16, 2012
Darius Smith
12/16, 8:26pm
Darius Smith

We Love You The Rolling Stones/The Psychedelic Furs [1967/1979]
December 17, 2012
Darius Smith
12/17, 10:49am
Darius Smith

I may come into some cash today, want to buy more of your scattershot works. Gen L Forever
December 18, 2012
Darius Smith
12/18, 8:58am
Darius Smith

Ex-Gu rdians stole ROLLERDERBY collection and 60s Italian typerwriter!

DWIGHT and DIANE SMITH/8862 Kenwood Road/Cinncinnati/OH/45242 ph. no, 513-791-6360
Darius Smith
12/18, 9:38am
Darius Smith

Call me at 513-351-3261 anytime!
Darius Smith
12/18, 9:56am
Darius Smith

Susan Flanary Johnston 513-351-3261 0r 513-6163029
Darius Smith
12/18, 11:05am
Darius Smith

We Are Called
December 19, 2012
Darius Smith
12/19, 7:11am
Darius Smith

i owe you money
Darius Smith
12/19, 8:26am
Darius Smith

i am hyper-modern, myself
Darius Smith
12/19, 8:31am
Darius Smith

stay cool
December 19, 2012
Darius Smith
12/19, 3:37pm
Darius Smith

Now 90% of My nLisa Carver items have been stolen~
Darius Smith
12/19, 6:15pm
Darius Smith

Interview Casey A thony in Fla. this Winter?
Darius Smith
12/19, 6:47pm
Darius Smith

Casey Anthony
Darius Smith
12/19, 9:17pm
Darius Smith

Interview Bret Easton Ellis in LA!
December 20, 2012
Darius Smith
12/20, 4:50am
Darius Smith

is it cold?
December 20, 2012
Darius Smith
12/20, 12:18pm
Darius Smith

fun?

worthwhile?

of course darius!
Darius Smith
12/20, 3:05pm
Darius Smith

you are/are not gnostic
12/20/12Lisa Carver missed a call from you.
December 21, 2012
Darius Smith
12/21, 7:37pm
Darius Smith

Nor'Easter?
December 22, 2012
Darius Smith
12/22, 7:52am
Darius Smith

OK
Darius Smith
12/22, 8:02am
Darius Smith

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
December 30, 2012
Darius Smith
12/30, 11:29am
Darius Smith

IOU $25
December 31, 2012
Darius Smith
12/31, 7:29am
Darius Smith

Happy Nu-Yrs. Eve, Leeza Gibbons!
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:10am
Darius Smith

IOU $35

I may not be The Fonz but I'm the next best thing! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:13am
Lisa Carver

Hi Darius. A happy and free 2013 to you, too. Thank you for still loving Rollerderby, but please only bid on what you can pay for right away, as I get charged by eBay just for listing, so when you don't pay, I still get charged.
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:14am
Darius Smith

I almost always pay except when I was bidding hundreds for Dame Darcy original art!

I get $65 from the state today.

All my Rollerderbys were confiscated and destroyed by my dad and Diane while I was in the hospital. I still have #22 tho.

Happy New Year, Lisa Carver! You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown....
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:17am
Lisa Carver

I found the Debbie Jaffe interviews you weren't able to pay for because you got locked up, and I will stick them in your package free as a celebration of getting out, but you have to pay for the book and DVD you ordered a couple weeks ago of eBay is going to cut you off automatically!
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:17am
Darius Smith

ok

yes
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:17am
Lisa Carver

Or
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:17am
Darius Smith

$35 i know

Can I send you a money order or do you insist on PayPal only?
Darius Smith
12/31, 8:36am
Darius Smith

Wha.
Lisa Carver
12/31, 8:56am
Lisa Carver

Money order is fine with me, but since you ordered on ebay, they only accept paypal. I will try to cancel your order there. My address is 168 Central Ave., Apt. 4, Dover NH 03820. You know, I would not be offended at all if you put 22 up for sale on ebay or elsewhere. I see people getting $15, $20 for that sold out issue. I would be happy for you to be getting the money for it! Happy day to you!
Darius Smith
12/31, 9:13am
Darius Smith

Thanx!
Lisa Carver
12/31, 10:49am
Lisa Carver

Do you get SSI? If so, did you know you got a 1.2% raise starting today?
Darius Smith
12/31, 11:27am
Darius Smith

SSDI/SSI first raise in 5 years, I think.
December 31, 2012
Darius Smith
12/31, 2:35pm
Darius Smith

I'm Not OK/You're Not OK

Just Kidding
January 2, 2013
Darius Smith
1/2, 12:43pm
Darius Smith

Luv Ya, Sweet Nothing! Suckdog is worse than Yoko, again I luv it!!
January 3, 2013
Darius Smith
1/3, 3:29pm
Darius Smith

You Are Pretty!
January 4, 2013
Darius Smith
1/4, 3:46pm
Darius Smith

IOU $45
Lisa Carver
1/4, 3:57pm
Lisa Carver

I know. Send me a money order. I found an old letter of yours I set aside along with the interviews with Debbie Jaffe.
Darius Smith
1/4, 3:57pm
Darius Smith

OK
January 8, 2013
Darius Smith
1/8, 1:27pm
Darius Smith

Darius Smith: ___________ is Amazing/Upsetting/EntirelyCorrect/Effortless/Futuristic/All-New!/All-Now!
Lisa Carver
1/8, 1:40pm
Lisa Carver

Thank you. Best review I've gotten, I think.
Darius Smith
1/8, 1:41pm
Darius Smith

As always you are maybe, at times, THE WORLD'S FINEST!
January 10, 2013
Darius Smith
1/10, 6:15am
Darius Smith

Stupid Ohio!

Gimme the White Cliffs of Dover!
January 18, 2013
Darius Smith
1/18, 3:09pm
Darius Smith

Will send $45 m.o. Wednesday.
Lisa Carver
1/18, 3:09pm
Lisa Carver

Great. I still have your various extra papers.
Darius Smith
1/18, 3:09pm
Darius Smith

Kool Kings
January 28, 2013
Lisa Carver
1/28, 7:43pm
Lisa Carver

What did you order? I have 5 issues of Rollerderby, _________, and the suckumentary. Did you order something else, too?
Darius Smith
1/28, 7:49pm
Darius Smith

No Title
Lisa Carver
1/28, 7:50pm
Lisa Carver

Yeah, that's __________. I think $45 is too much. Want the Rollerderby book, too?
Darius Smith
1/28, 7:54pm
Darius Smith

OK, thanks!
January 30, 2013
Darius Smith
1/30, 6:37pm
Darius Smith

I escaped from the hospital today. They let me go. I can receive your parcel.
Lisa Carver
1/30, 6:37pm
Lisa Carver

Good.
Darius Smith
1/30, 6:38pm
Darius Smith

Yes.
Darius Smith
1/30, 7:58pm
Darius Smith

Live Through It
Lisa Carver
1/30, 7:59pm
Lisa Carver

Is the address the same as what's on the envelope you sent me?
Darius Smith
1/30, 8:00pm
Darius Smith

Yes!

Live Through This
Darius Smith
1/30, 10:11pm
Darius Smith

Gimme Shelter
January 31, 2013
Darius Smith
1/31, 8:09am
Darius Smith

$20.00 for novel?
Lisa Carver
1/31, 8:10am
Lisa Carver

The gerbil novel? It's only two pages!
Darius Smith
1/31, 8:24am
Darius Smith

$10.00?
Darius Smith
1/31, 10:24am
Darius Smith

$35.00 nxt Tuesday?

next
Lisa Carver
1/31, 10:25am
Lisa Carver

Let's wait and see how the auction plays out over the next six days.
Darius Smith
1/31, 10:32am
Darius Smith
I don't get why my dad kept like 20 Rollerderby mags!
February 15, 2013
Darius Smith
223, 10:29am
Darius Smith
Week's money gone in one day, o'course!
March 2, 2013
Darius Smith
3/2, 8:25am
Darius Smith

Flavor Crystals! What are they? Geez
Darius Smith
3/2, 9:12am
Darius Smith

Stuporman vs Spider-Man!
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:46am
Darius Smith

Lisa! Is anything not selling? I am sending you ten, I can afford another five Mon/Tue. Not used Kleenex pleeze!
Lisa Carver
3/2, 11:47am
Lisa Carver

I will send you a big list of stuff and you pick a few.
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:48am
Darius Smith

OK! Magazine, Leeza....
March 2, 2013
Darius Smith
3/2, 10:34pm
Darius Smith

Neat! Neat! Neat!
Darius Smith
3/2, 11:29pm
Darius Smith

I am petitioning the SSA to return control of my checks in Mach. I will be a "vitual" millionaire! You willshae in my newfound wealth, LC!

Mach

March
Darius Smith
3/3, 12:49am
Darius Smith

"virtual"

will share
March 3, 2013
Darius Smith
3/3, 2:34pm
Darius Smith

Chinatown1 nyc would make sense, right for you? I kno Sf chinatown pretty well for a White devil, love it and it can be actually scary at night1
March 7, 2013
Darius Smith
3/7, 6:41am
Darius Smith

I have a winning "Cash Explosion" ticket in the house SOMEWHERE-_$10!
March 18, 2013
Darius Smith
3/18, 1:08am
Darius Smith

Show 'em how the Suxwest was won, Leez!
March 23, 2013
Darius Smith
3/23, 12:22pm
Darius Smith

Lisa! $10 Bill to you next Tue. for Gen L (damaged copy) and maybe something else.Imitation of Christ
March 24, 2013
Darius Smith
3/24, 10:32am
Darius Smith

"I'll Be Your Mirror"
March 24, 2013
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:21pm
Darius Smith

Nicole was built like a car.
Lisa Carver
3/24, 3:23pm
Lisa Carver

She was a real, sweet, lost girl. You shouldn't speak of her as an object.
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:25pm
Darius Smith

Quoting T Rex I kno she was all-around amazing. Sweet, Golden Queen-Like, Kind, Smart and Too Trusting w/her drug buddies I guess
Lisa Carver
3/24, 3:26pm
Lisa Carver

She was too trusting with the whole world. :, (
Darius Smith
3/24, 3:27pm
Darius Smith

Saddest Story Ever Told
Lisa Carver
3/24, 4:56pm
Lisa Carver

I know.
Darius Smith
3/24, 4:58pm
Darius Smith

Last "chat" was me telling her how she should come to Ohio because of our imaginary dramatic amazing Winter weather.
Darius Smith
3/24, 5:03pm
Darius Smith

From first sight of her foto and first reesponse in yr VICE artice she was an electo-magnet and I found out I had an iron core, which I had felt once before in my life. I mean yes I was delusional and all yet I tried to be the best person possible "on-line" for the first time, she amzed stunned me into a better person than before I saw yr psych ward interview. Thank you, Lisa, thanx.
March 26, 2013
Darius Smith
3/26, 8:50pm
Darius Smith

going underground, Lisa?
Darius Smith
3/26, 10:01pm
Darius Smith

counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike/they've aa gone to look for america

i still owe you $10!
April 2, 2013
Darius Smith
4/2, 7:56pm
Darius Smith

$10 next Tue. to you.
April 4, 2013
Darius Smith
4/4, 1:37pm
Darius Smith

Any interest in Lisa Carver Comix? (with your title of course!)
Lisa Carver
4/4, 1:38pm
Lisa Carver

Oh, I don't know. I get kind of tired of myself.
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 7:14am
Darius Smith

No Naked Woman!
Lisa Carver
4/6, 7:14am
Lisa Carver

Not right next to my daughter.
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 2:53pm
Darius Smith

What's So Funny About Peace, Love, Understanding, War, Hate, Confusion, and Rape, Lisa "Krumb-Kake" Carver?
April 6, 2013
Darius Smith
4/6, 11:40pm
Darius Smith

We Love You, Lisa!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:08am
Darius Smith

Have you seen Marlboro Black 100s yet?
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:19am
Darius Smith

Too Drunk to Fuck, Kristee?
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:25am
Darius Smith

I bought a winning Cash Explosion ticket tonight, $20 for $1 cost, one other non-win! Yay!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:57am
Darius Smith

Miss You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hic-dnps6MU
Darius Smith
4/7, 2:06am
Darius Smith

Can you see the real me/Can ya?/Can ya?
Darius Smith
4/7, 4:15am
Darius Smith

Love Reign O'er Me! !!?!

Just Kidding

Stay Cool
Lisa Carver
4/7, 5:44am
Lisa Carver

Darius, please stop posting links to my wall.
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:11am
Darius Smith

ok

"I Am a Camera"
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:32am
Darius Smith

See You in church, Lisa!

Church
Lisa Carver
4/7, 6:47am
Lisa Carver

Thank you!
Darius Smith
4/7, 6:56am
Darius Smith

A Reading Rainbow!

Don't knock the Rock

Rock Around the Clock!
Darius Smith
4/7, 7:21am
Darius Smith

Transvision Vamp Wendy James UK 1980s

Sigue Sigue Sputnik 1980s UK

Bay City Rollers

KC and the Sunshine Band

Captain & Tennille

Andrea True Connection

Dilver Convention

Night on Disco Mountain

"To Be Real"

Luv It All !!?!

Silver Convention

"Fly, Robin, Fly"

Bennie and the Jets

Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting

Plastic Ono Band

LIVE PEACE IN TORONTO 1969 UK/USA

wild and wooly nite apparently

SOMR TIME IN NEW YORK CITY !972

SOME

Gimme Some Truth

"Dancing queen"

Queen

Dancing Queen

Forever Now

Pretty in Pink

We Love You

The Ghost in You

"Church of the Poison Mind" Culture Club 1984 UK
Darius Smith
4/7, 8:52am
Darius Smith

Super Kool 120s
Darius Smith
4/7, 8:58am
Darius Smith

Home from church just now. pretty lame as ever!

Did you know that I am a Southern Baptist for life? Sadly true fact! "So Sad About Us" The Who 1967 UK
Darius Smith
4/7, 9:25am
Darius Smith

THE WHO SELL OUT [Decca 1967 UK]

Everything is amazing NOT AT ALL today!

http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/2013/03/she-is-pretty-much-perfect.html

Onward Unknown Soldiers!!?!

Again, Miss You.
Darius Smith
4/7, 9:35am
Darius Smith

HEADQUARTERS by The Monkees 1967 USA

THE DECLINE OF THE WEST by Oswald Spengler 1920s Germany?

MEIN KAMPF by A. Hitler 1920s

MINDCAMP by Darius Smith 1999 USA

THE CHROME-PLATED MACHINE PISTOL by Darius Smith 2013 USA

A Novel

Kee-Rist!
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:12am
Darius Smith

Katie Couric is World's Finest Human Being!

_____________ has sold how many copies in a year? 400?

Love My Way
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:23am
Darius Smith

http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/2013/02/dylan-as-far-as-im-concernedand-i-hate.html

"The Amerikan in Me"
Darius Smith
4/7, 10:45am
Darius Smith

"Citadel" The Rolling Stones 1967 UK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHOL5M0dfiw

See or Not See!
Darius Smith
4/7, 11:14am
Darius Smith

Is it safe?

Luv to Luv Ya, Baby!!?!
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:15pm
Darius Smith

PSYCHOCANDY

"Never understand"

"Never Understand"

"I Can't Explain"

DARKLANDS
Darius Smith
4/7, 12:28pm
Darius Smith

PUSSY GALORE
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 1:33am
Darius Smith

$10 bill to central ave. Mon. or Tue. I swear, lisa.
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 11:44am
Darius Smith

I promise not to betray your "Facebook Trust," Lisa!
Lisa Carver
4/8, 11:48am
Lisa Carver

It's no problem. It's just that this is my workspace mostly, so I have to keep it to that to an extent. Gotta pay my rent!
Darius Smith
4/8, 11:52am
Darius Smith

In ten minutes I will magically possess $45! And sorry about the hypo-mania! Luv Ya! As Ever!

WAR is PEACE, LOVE is HATE, and CONFUSION is SEX.
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:01pm
Darius Smith

Hobilly said you were a "Yuppie!"
Lisa Carver
4/8, 12:02pm
Lisa Carver

Who is Hobilly?
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:02pm
Darius Smith

You are really an UNWED MOTHER !!

Middle-Aged Cinti. Punk.
Lisa Carver
4/8, 12:04pm
Lisa Carver

A yuppie is someone in their 20s or 30s, professional, urban, upper middle class. I am none of these. Hobilly is so wrong, whoever he is. Doesn't matter anyway, no one really IS something.
Darius Smith
4/8, 12:04pm
Darius Smith

THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS

yes

You sent him 2 letters in the 90s.

Also Witt or Allen Michael Scmidtz or something is a HUGE Lisa Suckdog fan! Cinti. guy.

Suckdog is Challenging!
April 8, 2013
Darius Smith
4/8, 3:51pm
Darius Smith

Your mail is soon going to be superkool, LC!

Plus $10 even!
Darius Smith
4/8, 4:02pm
Darius Smith

Time/Life/Rollerderby

!!!

Yesss!
May 21, 2013
Darius Smith
5/21, 2:33pm
Darius Smith

Parcel for you next Monday sent out!
June 3, 2013
Darius Smith
6/3, 5:27pm
Darius Smith

You ought to receive parcel this Sat. nothing earth-shattering, tho.
June 4, 2013
Darius Smith
6/4, 12:59pm
Darius Smith

X X O
June 6, 2013
Darius Smith
6/6, 5:56am
Darius Smith

Lisa
June 8, 2013
Darius Smith
6/8, 2:42pm
Darius Smith

I don't want to sound complaining/But you know it's always raining in myheart/I do all the pleasing with you/It's so hard to reason with you!
June 10, 2013
Darius Smith
6/10, 5:25pm
Darius Smith

Ok okay
August 4, 2013
Darius Smith
8/4, 10:27am
Darius Smith

Book avalamche lsoon Lixa,

Book Monsoon

@@@@!!@!!!!!!!$$$$
August 5, 2013
Darius Smith
8/5, 7:55pm
Darius Smith

Are you still Queen of the Milky Way
August 14, 2013
Darius Smith
8/14, 7:23pm
Darius Smith

Luv ya!
Darius Smith
8/14, 7:35pm
Darius Smith

??!?
August 22, 2013
Darius Smith
8/22, 1:26pm
Darius Smith

Saving up for postage on yr. 3-ton parcel!!
September 21, 2013
Darius Smith
9/21, 7:12pm
Darius Smith

Monday

Outgoing mail

Period.
September 23, 2013
Darius Smith
9/23, 9:09pm
Darius Smith

Sledgtehammer'd w/books soon in Dover Town, Miss Bizzee!
Darius Smith
9/23, 9:39pm
Darius Smith

Incl. THE WALL by Hersey!
Darius Smith
9/23, 10:58pm
Darius Smith

Outgoing mail this Wed. "Book Rate" incl. a few menthol cigarettes?
Lisa Carver
9/23, 10:59pm
Lisa Carver

Strangely, cigarettes turn liquid after a while, and smudge everything.
September 24, 2013
Darius Smith
9/24, 9:41am
Darius Smith

Yesss!
Darius Smith
9/24, 9:46am
Darius Smith

Will you deare read Jean Genet, Leeza??!?

I Will DEare

"I Will Dare"{
September 27, 2013
Darius Smith
9/27, 7:27am
Darius Smith

2 parcels speeding toward Dover Ville Leez!~
Darius Smith
9/27, 10:04am
Darius Smith

LOuv iz all yu need Leez!
Darius Smith
9/27, 10:28am
Darius Smith

Will send another ten*spot Monday Morning, Lisa Carver COMING DOWN LIKE SUNDSAY MORNING O FUKK
October 1, 2013
Darius Smith
10/1, 10:27pm
Darius Smith

301 frenz is insane. I have 2 frnz in Cinbti.!
October 2, 2013
Lisa Carver
10/2, 12:46pm
Lisa Carver

I got your books. Thank you some much. Some I've read already, but are good for re-reading. Some I always meant to get around to and never did. You are very kind.
Darius Smith
10/2, 1:11pm
Darius Smith

xxo
Darius Smith
10/2, 2:48pm
Darius Smith
October 3, 2013
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:31am
Darius Smith

Where are you w/regard to E. Hemingway?? I sent you NICK ADAMS STOIRIES...did yhou btoss it in the fireplace? IN OUR TIME/A FAREWELL TO ARMS/A MOVEABLE FEAST/DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON all majopr faves of mine, he won the Nobel Prize, his is equal to the word "writer" yet read ers seem scarce and when I sometime come across a person who hbas any awareness of say THE SUN ALSO RISES or FOR WHOM T^HE BELL TOLLS or even THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA i get giddy with excitement....
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:33am
Darius Smith

Did you hasve any interest in freading THIS SIDE OF PARADISE FSF's first novel? Love that guy too because i am a living American Stereotype!

Faulkner is impenetrable to me except for SOLDIER'SX PAY

Love Dos Passos (3 SOLDEIERS, USA TRILOGY) abndf Edmund Wilson (THE AMERIFCDAN EARTHQUAKE, ee cummings and Wolfe and esp. Dorothy Parker!

In the4 end I( love everyone whoever Attempted fiction poetry or essays, II me4an imaqgine all the rejected novels in the past 500 years gthat rivfalled THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV or ULYSSES, I would bet there are mANY MANY fucfk the too many hack editors since 1600!
Darius Smith
10/3, 10:39am
Darius Smith
Darius Smith
10/3, 1:17pm
Darius Smith

May I send you a "work-related" e-mail later today, Leez? Also, I'm dying to kno which boo0s in the latest parcels you've already read! "gang-related"
October 4, 2013
Darius Smith
10/4, 9:09pm
Darius Smith

You already read NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND?
October 6, 2013
Darius Smith
10/6, 11:14am
Darius Smith
Darius Smith
10/6, 11:14am
Darius Smith

WE LOVE YOU, LISA!
January 7
Darius Smith
1/7, 3:35pm
Darius Smith

Miss You
Lisa Carver
1/7, 3:36pm
Lisa Carver

I'm STILL reading your books and lighting your incense!
January 9
Darius Smith
1/9, 6:45pm
Darius Smith

Stay Kool, Kristee!
March 5
Darius Smith
3/5, 5:00pm
Darius Smith

THREEV HUNDREDV TWO SUXXX

Luv Ya!!
March 8
Darius Smith
3/8, 5:33am
Darius Smith

SEE OR NOT SEE WWW.BABYKILLER.COM SEE OR NOT SEE

SEE OR NOT SEE WWW.BABYKILLER.COM SEE OR NOT SEE

How to Lose Friends and Repel People! WWW.BABYKILLER.COM See or Not See!

I Died 6Jun1944! Born (for the tenth time: 23May1945...I am REALLY 68 going toward 69. Seriously! www.babykiller.com SEE OR NOT SEE
March 8
Darius Smith
3/8, 10:47am
Darius Smith

STAY GAY, LESBIA !! SORRY KRISTEE !! 5133513261 0OR 5133029823 OR 911 OR 411 OR 15551212 OR 1800-555-1212............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................???????????????????????????????????????????
Lisa Carver
3/8, 11:00am
Lisa Carver

I'm not gay. I'm not Kristee. I'm not a place to advertise yourself over and over. Conversations are fine.
Darius Smith
3/8, 11:07am
Darius Smith

YOUB ARE NOT GAY YOU ARE CRYSTAL "GAYLE" NCARVER YOPU ARE AN UNWED MOTHER VOF THREE?? TWO?? CALL ME OR NOT WHATE#VS>>>>>XXXX..............................XXX
March 10
Darius Smith
3/10, 8:00am
Darius Smith

HOMOSEXULAITY TODAY I "love" gays. I am NOT gay, YOU are NOT gay. YOU maybe don't love gays so much, makes nYOU uncomfortable when I suggest you might "dabble"in in Sapphism? My ph. no. is 513-351-3261. My address ids SMITH/5722 Montgomery Rd. Apt. 6/Cinti. OH 45206-1971 If you are UPSET w/me, Lisa, PLEASE CALL 911 (Nine One One) I love you more than I love myself m"kristee." So there. Write back IF YOU DARE.
Darius Smith
3/10, 8:02am
Darius Smith

ALSO: If I don't advertise myself....Who Will??!? Jeezuzus fukk....
Lisa Carver
3/10, 8:11am
Lisa Carver

I wish I were gay. I support myself and two children by selling my books, and the main way I sell them is through people reading my Facebook. I ask people to not put their links on my page over and over, because this is my place of business. It's like if I had a physical store selling ashtrays, and you came in every day putting your ashtrays over mine, and no one could see my ashtrays for sale. I will accept your friend request if you can act like a friend on my page and not a traveling salesperson.
Darius Smith
3/10, 9:03am
Darius Smith

I can't read your message right this second but I'm responding anyhow. SEE http://thenextnothing.blogspot.com OR NOT SEE AGAIN, I love YOU more than I love myself YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND FOR ALL-TIME! jeffreydarrensmith@gmail.com
i can't explain
thenextnothing.blogspot.com
Darius Smith
Unlike · · Share

You, Laurie Colson, Jennifer Italia, Lucy Change and 12 others like this.
8 shares

Hobilly-Jerry Adams Ms. Suckdog herself.....I should have a couple letters from her Paris days layin' around here-buried.....
May 9, 2013 at 12:57am · Unlike · 1

Darius Smith Drawing of Lisa Carver by James Zemlock

May 21, 2013 at 2:31pm · Unlike · 3

Darius Smith Victory in Europe!
June 3, 2013 at 5:25pm · Unlike · 1

Scott Doyle Someone who blocked me commented on this. And I was here. That is all.
November 7, 2013 at 1:05pm · Unlike · 1

Pete Hisey Jeez. I remember Suckdog. I had forgotten all about them and one day I was walking down LaSalle St. here and they went by in a van that had SUCKDOG scrawled on it. So I flagged them down and they backed up and came back. I said, seriously, you guys are playing here? They were. So I went that night. What a shambles. In a good way.
October 13, 2014 at 2:50am · Unlike · 2

Darius Smith
Suckdog
Official site of the band Suckdog
SUCKDOG.NET
December 10, 2014 at 9:06pm · Unlike · 2