Broadcast Football Rankings 11.28.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 28, 2017

1. Wisconsin Badgers

2. UCF Knights

3. Clemson Tigers

4. Oklahoma Sooners

5. Auburn Tigers

6. Georgia Bulldogs

7. Alabama Crimson Tide

8. Miami Hurricanes

9. Ohio State Buckeyes

10. TCU Horned Frogs

11. Memphis Tigers

12. Penn State Nittany Lions

13. Stanford Cardinal

14. Southern California Trojans

15. Washington Huskies

16. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

17. Oklahoma State Cowboys

18. Michigan State Spartans

19. Virginia Tech Hokies

20. LSU Tigers

21. Northwestern Wildcats

22. South Florida Bulls

23. Michigan Wolverines

24. Washington State Cougars

25. Boise State Broncos

Only a handful of games left this weekend before the BFR determines the BFR National Champion and Top 25, but it's still totally up in the air, so that's kind of exciting! The Collage Football Playoffs has become a fiasco and has to change. It is our opinion that were better off with smaller conferences and no conference championship games, and the traditional bowl games (broadcast on TV) at the end of the season, after which different entities crowned their national champion. Of course, there is always a lot of disagreement. I hate to break the news here, but there's always going to be a lot of disagreement anyway. But for some reason it's important for sports-fan morons to have an “undisputed” champion, so how about this system? Go back to the traditional bowl games (I mean, bowl games that don't double as playoff games) after which a/“The” committee can pick the top 32 teams to enter in a football tournament starting in January. Each of these match-ups will be best of seven, in order to have a more fair determination of the “better team.” We should, if spaced properly, be able to determine the national champion by the end of the school year. Players can then enter the NFL draft or take a much needed summer off to recuperate. --H. Houndstooth.

DRINKING THE KOOL-AID by Cleophus Beasley

Jim Jones Party
Current mood: chipper
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Several friends of mine and I actually did this in the early Summer 1991...

Items needed fer a Jim Jones Party:

1. Several packets of grape Kool-Aid
2. Water soluble benzodiazapine tranquilizers (We used Ativan), crushed
3. Sugar
4. Punchbowl
5. Dixie Cups
6. Ladle (Optional)
7. One copy of "Guyana Tragedy" (Ours was a VHS tape)
8. Space on the floor to lay down on
9. TV
10. VCR (To play the video)

On a kitchen counter, in a punchbowl, combine all of the grape Kool-Aid mix with sugar (To taste), crushed up Ativans, and the appropriate amount of water. Stir. Arrange the Dixie Cups on the kitchen counter in neat rows. Pour the Kool-Aid into the Dixie Cups, using the ladle, until gone. Fast forward the movie towards the end, to the mass suicide part, then hit "play". Have guests drink the Kool-Aid while watching the movie. Once the Kool-Aid kicks in, enthusiastically urge party patrons to lay down on the floor. Fer added shock effect, arrange fer other people to come over to the party later, after everyone is passed out on the floor, to make the "discovery"!

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.21.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 21, 2017

1. Miami Hurricanes

2. Wisconsin Badgers

3. Alabama Crimson Tide

4. UCF Knights

5. Clemson Tigers

6. Oklahoma Sooners

7. Auburn Tigers

8. Georgia Bulldogs

9. Ohio State Buckeyes

10. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

11. TCU Horned Frogs

12. Southern California Trojans

13. Memphis Tigers

14. Penn State Nittany Lions

15. South Florida Bulls

16. Mississippi State Bulldogs

17. Stanford Cardinal

18. Washington Huskies

19. Washington State Cougars

20. Michigan State Spartans

21. Oklahoma State Cowboys

22. Boise State Broncos

23. Michigan Wolverines

24. LSU Tigers

25. Virginia Tech Hokies

Only two weeks left in the college football season and until the crowning of the National Champion by the BFR. For most teams, who will not be playing in their conference championship games, this coming weekend is the last, so everyone make the most of it! Sad but true, it's almost over. At least college football is still alive, but just barely. With the mainstream media's constant obsession with the bogus college football playoffs and the ESPN Bowl Series, you would think the season hasn't even started. With the media's connection to and focus on sports gambling, you'd think the most important outcome is how much money you will win or lose with your bookie. Vegas, pay-cable broadcasting, and the obsession with “playoffs,” trophies, and awards, have already killed pro football and basketball (I'd say baseball, too, but at least the World Series is still on TV), as well as the NCAA basketball tournament (or at least nearly ruined it), and even tennis (now ESPN only) and NASCAR (about half on cable). That leaves us golf, and the collage football regular season, but what will the future hold, in the hands of these greedy bastards? Enough of my hot air, now, and hopefully the last two weeks will be exciting! --H. Houndstooth 

MEMO FROM BIFFY

I could never be a modern gal. The only useful context I have is pre-modern or mythical. My inundated notion of the Modernists, though always charming in the conception of their novelty, is one of a linear self-narrative which begins at their end. A novel in which the end is known and the events are divulged incrementally, not lavishly, in contrived retrospect----leading of course to the conclusion of the subject.

I am a lover of science----as it organizes the gathered information of our context. As an etiology of life it leaves me cold and shivering in the darkness. The three year old can see and feel Helios' Steed running across the sky, while any modern explanation----of measurements, of time, of endings----seems absurd. The theme of my life is ancient, the stuff of whims and accidents and misunderstandings where everything changes in a moment--joy or agony beyond understanding, yet so known, familiar, and eternal. Modernity is a Sergeant who has not earned his stripes, but exercises his authority with contrived authenticity. (I think you have earned your stripes.)

Pointless----of course! Purposeful and impossible----not sure. Fun/Horrifying--are these the same thing?

Flash/Endless!

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.14.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 14, 2017

1. Miami Hurricanes

2. Alabama Crimson Tide

3. Wisconsin Badgers

4. Clemson Tigers

5. Oklahoma Sooners

6. Auburn Tigers

7. UCF Knights

8. Georgia Bulldogs

9. Ohio State Buckeyes

10. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

11. Southern California Trojans

12. TCU Horned Frogs

13. Oklahoma State Cowboys

14. Penn State Nittany Lions

15. Mississippi State Bulldogs

16. Memphis Tigers

17. Washington State Cougars

18. Michigan Wolverines

19. South Florida Bulls

20. Washington Huskies

21. North Carolina State Wolfpack

22. Virginia Tech Hokies

23. West Virginia Mountaineers

24. Michigan State Spartans

25. Stanford Cardinal

The college football season started off with hurricanes postponing and cancelling games and it has ended with the Hurricanes on top. But wait, there are still three weeks left before we crown a National Champion, and anything can happen. Many teams have only two games left, so it's time to make the most of it. Then a few will play in conference championships and have the opportunity to either pull themselves up or fail miserably. Predictions for this week: Mercer pulls off the upset of the year at Alabama. Miami and Wisconsin finally lose a game, and Georgia, Notre Dame, and Washington all continue their late season collapses. UCF moves to the top of the rankings. Nick Saban continues to whine. --H. Houndstooth.

THE DESTRUCTION OF ARMY GROUP CENTER by Robin Plan

I'm more social nowadays. I go out for drinks or lunch w/a group of people and usually come home feeling vaguely dissatisfied w/my presentation of self. I think I still play so many games, cryptic and enigmatic, then didactic and proclaiming, dismissing other people's opinions, acting like I have the last word on things...but in the moment I am at ease, I don't become self-conscious til I analyze the evening retrospectively. I think that's ok in a way; if you're going to be brusque and provocative and center-staging it seems better to do it w/bravado and save the self-recriminations for later. I guess the bottom line is I'm not only still not letting people "see" me, I'm getting to enjoy it and going out of my way to dramatize my mystique. I've got like 10 wigs in various styles and colors, my wardrobe is more indescribable than ever...I'm not sure what all the fuss is about regarding the public image, but I know it is more polished and deliberate than ever. Which befits a woman of my age, but still there's something lost along the way.

I still have times where I am the only one in a crowd who acts, as you once so aptly put it, "as if a bomb just went off."

POLICE MURDER-SPREE VIDEO

This is an account of Our Waking National Nightmare, the POLICE OFFICER WAR on EVERY AMERICAN CIVILIAN---cops come off as a Pointless Crowd of Super-Cowards, just Random Jittery Dullards drunk with Lust for Continuous Thrill-Killing and worse. DEATH BY OFFICER is the first worthwhile Snuff Film ever made. Remind me again why we don't yet live in a world where Millions of Dead Cops are a happy fact? These monsters WILL be disappeared and SOON. Don't forget----Every Cop is a Child-Rapist Faggot* and Concentration Camps for Cops are Too Kind. Or will YOU Death-Trippers put bullets in your own skulls, whatevs, dunno, don't care either way. Ciao! So! Fade away, Faggot*. Apocalypse LOL for YOU...Your Future: a Ditch or a Cross, choose Your Monument, pray and walk away or be slain en masse, Sinners in the Hands of Some Mystery Monster worse a million times than Our Absent God, get used to the fact that YOU Cops will be erased from History, a Mass Partial-Birth Abortion, fast-forgotten and surviving only as cuss words. Worthless, YOU fade out. We Will Win. Murder Will Out. YOU, Cop, a Garbage Truck on Fire falling for miles, this is Your Profession: pointless, worthless, murderous, and comical. We are done with YOU. Get lost and stay lost, YOU Sick, Sad Phonies. Worse than a Diseased Jellyfish. NO ONE will miss YOU and worse, NO ONE will remember Your Names. Too bad, Little Cop, 'cause it's all over for YOU.  Ha Ha Ha.

*"Faggot" is unfortunately the only accurate word for these Sick Killers.

Review of DEATH BY OFFICER 
A valuable compilation of POLICE shootings video, sure, but otherwise this is a terribly-made movie, indifferently constructed, and I am only supporting it for the six million views, as a gateway to surely far better MURDERING COP VIDEOS. As 4far as I can tell, this video is the KING of the ANTI-COP FEATURES, and the violence was bad enough here that I couldn't stand to watch any more...so! The United States could easily stand to return to Marshalls and less-murderous rotating volunteer patrollers. And level the prisons, please demolish the jails; the impossible people, rapists and murderers can be exiled.

COPS inspire the worst in society and individuals. Invented in London, 1829, COPS are a horrifying failure, a true disaster of a social experiment. Abolish all POLICE and COUNTY SHERIFF DEPTS. We will all be far happier without these WORTHLESS KILLERS around anymore, I swear.
NO KKK/NO POLICE STATE USA/SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?/YOU SAY OK!

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.7.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 7, 2017

1. Georgia Bulldogs

2. Alabama Crimson Tide

3. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

4. Wisconsin Badgers

5. Miami Hurricanes

6. Clemson Tigers

7. Oklahoma Sooners

8. TCU Horned Frogs

9. UCF Knights

10. Washington Huskies

11. Memphis Tigers

12. Southern California Trojans

13. Auburn Tigers

14. Washington State Cougars

15. Ohio State Buckeyes

16. Penn State Nittany Lions

17. Virginia Tech Hokies

18. Oklahoma State Cowboys

19. Michigan State Spartans

20. South Florida Bulls

21. Michigan Wolverines

22. Mississippi State Bulldogs

23. North Carolina State Wolfpack

24. Iowa Hawkeyes

25. West Virginia Mountaineers

With only three weeks left in the regular season, the college football Broadcast Football Rankings are pretty much locked—time to name a National Champion (Alabama—so we won't have to listen to Nick Saban whine) and a Heisman Trophy winner (Baker Mayfield—because he is a duel sports guy (NASCAR)). Time to say goodbye to college football for the year and move on to ice hockey. You know I'm kidding, right? --H. Houndstooth

AN ORDINARY SPRINGTIME NIGHT IN A WORTHLESS OHIO TOWN

John was alone these past seven weeks, his wife Betty gone to El Salvador with game-show host Bob Barker. He now had the heart of a killer, but thankfully the manners of a civilized man.

In a seedy bar in a supposedly dangerous district on an early Friday night, John studies the jukebox while cops battle winos out front and inside opiates and cash are exchanged and everywhere a noise---his songs having played John exits into the park, pretty pointless park, and eyes the bright lights of downtown. High on noise, John walks like a zombie toward the pretty lights

The sight of a bank of payphones wakes him to the fact that he could use allies. After a number of calls he convinces comrade Paul to show up at some stupid disco-overdrive club in an hour. Receiver back in its cradle, stripped of his zombiehood, John stares at a blank wall while he searches his pockets. Finding some pills, he gratefully pops them and drifts toward the river, waiting for the buzz or whatever.

Later at the disco, John drinks cocktails and stares around at the girls and their dresses until Paul is at his side, muttering who-knows-what, but John is glad for his company.

Now it is late on a random Friday night and John is intent on finding a face, a voice, a dress like Betty's and this is hopeless, he muddily reasons, she's in El Salvador and Ohio can't compete with that, so let's find a fresh-faced girl we can lead astray in a couple hours or--- or--- John is standing by the DJ's booth while a robotic sex song plays so loud---John takes the live microphone and all of a sudden he's a 2002 Beatnik---

In a combat zone/Called "I'm-So-At-Home"/Line up for cheap rates on your very own grave!/Pretty faces, pouty faces, worthless farces/Yet you pay and you pay/For the right to fall into this bed!/No, that bed!/This nightmare won't stop/So I guess I'll walk away

Then, shockingly, the frail-looking DJ throws an effective punch at John's jaw and the wasted young man collapses into Paul's arms. Later, driving north on the Interstate, Paul asks tentative questions about Betty which John answers. Paul announces that they are going to drive all night to Cleveland and John falls asleep happy and calm.