Solar Moss

Northern Toilet Paper

My favorite toilet paper doesn't have perforations. No, my favorite toilet paper is free toilet paper. But I don't need the perforations. Northern toilet paper, which is quite pricey due to its softness, has perforations running lengthwise, down the roll! I mean, like, from beginning to end. Why is this? Because when you try to tear off a piece to use it, it tears lengthwise, which is maddening.

I remember a thing in Mad Magazine when I was kid, a cartoon about "planned obsolescence" which was the first time I'd ever heard of that concept. It's funny-- at the time I thought it something more in the mind of the consumer. It always seems like that malfunction must be built in. I didn't realize or actually want to believe, at that young age, that that is the way things work. Well, I guess they used to hide it. Now they just put obvious perforations right through the roll, for no apparent reason, figuring that people are too cynical, distracted, braindead, and depressed to really care. They're probably right.