Sunday, November 9, 2014

CONVERSATION WITH HER EMINENCE, LISA CARVER/SHE LIVES IN INFAMY


Darius Smith
Hi, Lisa. Expect a package, including some "collector's items," valued eleven dollars or less.
Each, not total.
Within a week.
Aug 15, 2011
Lisa Carver
I loved the last package! In fact, I burned some Michelle Obama earlier today!
Aug 15, 2011 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
ja wohl !!
Sep 21, 2011
Darius Smith
"Jailhouse Rock"
Sep 24, 2011
Darius Smith
hi
Nov 18, 2011
Darius Smith
Hi.
Lezzie!
sux
STABBER
Nov 18, 2011
Darius Smith
www.gay.com
Nov 18, 2011
Darius Smith
hi
Dec 26, 2011
Darius Smith
Have you read HIROSHIMA by John Hersey?
Dec 29, 2011
Darius Smith
Have you read WHITE LOTUS yet?
Dec 29, 2011
Lisa Carver
Almost done with it. It's great! Never read Hiroshima, no.
Dec 29, 2011 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
I have a copy for you!
Later 2012: THE WALL
Dec 29, 2011
Darius Smith
"Hi."
Jan 4, 2012
Lisa Carver
Hey there! You won two items on eBay and pretty soon they're going to yell at you!
Jan 5, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
I tried to pay today. Failed. Will try again tomorrow.
Jan 5, 2012
Darius Smith
I'm trying to get money to PayPal and YOU!
Jan 7, 2012
Lisa Carver
The Man is against you!
Jan 7, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
THE MAN!
YES!
I can send you a money order Monday if you want instead.
Jan 7, 2012
Lisa Carver
Whatever works for you makes me happy. My physical address these days is 593 Tolend Rd., Dover NH 03820. White Lotus was one of the most powerful books I ever read, by the way. Thank you for sending it.
Jan 7, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
M.O. to you Mon. HIROSHIMA by Hersey to you by Spring!
Jan 7, 2012
Darius Smith
Just now ordered LISA DIARIES and DRUGS ARE NICE from Amazon (NOT the freak sub-contractors!) for my brother living for 5 years on a horse farm in Kentucky w/his gift card christmas gift...my first order from amazon (brother is 44 married no kids ever 2nd marriage Jack-of-All-Trades or whatevs. And GenL, thank YOU for being YOU!
Jan 13, 2012
Darius Smith
Whatevs, Flowerpot! Luv Ya
Jan 13, 2012
Darius Smith
hi
Jan 16, 2012
Darius Smith
Sorry about the cheap dress. Also sorry about BUTTERFIELD 8. Hope you're well.
Mar 29, 2012
Lisa Carver
You are very kind to send presents! Any dress is a good dress.
Mar 29, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
no title certainly packs a wallop to phrase it mildly
Mar 29, 2012
Darius Smith
whatevs ill write you a letter SOMEDAY ack ack ack
Mar 29, 2012
Darius Smith
no title
Mar 31, 2012
Darius Smith
sorry
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
What are you sorry about???
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
nothing
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
Good!
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
ok
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
No Title is difficult reading, even worse than Faulkner!
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Nobel Prize for Lisa Carver 2112!
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
You are Johnny Bravo III
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
If I got a Nobel Prize for __________, maybe then I'd be able to sell more than 150 copies, and make back some of the $12,000 I spent publishing it!!!!
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
yes!
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
I know you're having money troubles of your own... are you going to be okay if you win all those things you bid on? I don't want to make you further in the money hole!
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
i have money!
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
luv of munny is the root of all evole!
evol
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
luv of lisacarver is the root of all eevill [evol]
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
carversmacks
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Sugar Smack
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe 1930s
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
That was a good book!
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
yes!
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN is the only Wolfe I've read.
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Ask me if I'm high.
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
"Are you high?"
"No."
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Not at all.
Apr 1, 2012
Lisa Carver
All the Thomas Wolfe books are worth reading.
Apr 1, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Read a VERY NICE bio from the 80s/90s
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
RADICAL CHIC or MAU-MAUING THE FLAK-CATCHERS
neat-o
wham-o
Tom Wolfe o'course.
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
THE ELECTRIC KOOL-AID ACID TEST
THE FIRST THIRD by Neal Cassady
THE SUBTERRANEANS by Jack Kerouac
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
NAKED LUNCH II
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Cars Police Blondie 1978
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
Kars Bobbies Redhead 2112
Apr 1, 2012
Darius Smith
THE CULT ["Love" LP 1986] UK
Two Brroke Dirls [TV]
Two Broke Girls [TV]
ME @UnderWhelm www.twitter.com/UnderWhelm
Apr 2, 2012
Darius Smith
Thrill Kill KuLt Anti-Scene DoublePlusGoodBasementStomp85
Laughing Hyehas/ Negatgive Approach/Necros/Electric Eels
Apr 2, 2012
Darius Smith
Ragged Bags, Pussy Galore, White Stripes/Beat Happehing. Nirvana, Courtney Love 2112 SeaLab2020 "Fade Into You" /1990s/USA//Mazzy Star/TheseImmortal Souls
Elipper American Music Club, Slovenly, Avehgers ",Anathema, Dicks; The Rifle Club, Gun Club, The Next Nothing; Sistern, The Yips, Channel Five, Kansas, Chicago, The Great Plains, Mike RepAndTheQuotas; Early Th0masasJeffersonSlaveApartments. Clay, The Suburban Zone
Apr 2, 2012
Darius Smith
Beatles/Stones/Who/Doors/Janis joplin/JimiHendrixExperience/Animals
Apr 2, 2012
Darius Smith
And, of course Suckdog 80s-90s USA
Apr 2, 2012
Darius Smith
I wish Gilmore Tamny would commit suicide.
Apr 3, 2012
Darius Smith
whatevs
Apr 3, 2012
Darius Smith
Nite!
Apr 3, 2012
Lisa Carver
Why? Gilmore Tamny is a nice lady.
Darius, I can't stop worrying about your bidding... with postage, you're bidding around $150 now. You send a couple emails about not having enough money for food. I don't want to take your food money!!!
Apr 4, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Loss
Apr 4, 2012
Lisa Carver
Darius, I am just too worried about taking your money and then you'll not have proper food or medicine or air conditioning or whatever you need for bills the next month. I read every email you send out, even though I don't usually respond, and it seems like the state or your family is able to give LESS money every month (I know I am experiencing the same thing in regards to the money I need for my children). So here's what I'm going to do. I think you bid too high, so I'm going to cancel your high bids, and then when the auction is over, I'll send you a Second Chance offer at a lower amount, and then you can choose whether or which ones you want to re-bid on at a lower cost. So you'll have the choice, but you won't be obligated to. Sound good?
Apr 6, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
OK Luv to Luv Ya, Baby OK
Dec 12, 2012
Darius Smith
Rape is Wrong!
Dec 13, 2012
Darius Smith
My no title was stolen from me last nite! I read it in the State Hospital. Again, a difficult and worthwhile read. My ex-guardians confiscated my Rollerderby collection in June. Heck!
Dec 14, 2012
Lisa Carver
Thieves and Confiscators are Wrong!
Dec 14, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
I'll say!
You didn't make the top six in Our Standings. Why? Because you're a Zero!
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/
You are Neat-O. Gen L available?
Dec 14, 2012
Lisa Carver
No Gen L.
Dec 14, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
ok
she said she said
when i was a boy/everything was right
Dec 14, 2012
Lisa Carver
There are only three left of the DVD you bought.
Dec 14, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
ok
Weird. I'm like the least likable guy ever and today I have 200 frenz. Again, weird.
Dec 14, 2012
Lisa Carver
What? You're trouble, I could see that, but you're not unlikable!!
Dec 14, 2012 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
thanx
ok
Dec 14, 2012
Darius Smith
"Hi,"
Zap!
Dec 15, 2012
Darius Smith
What's so funny about peace, love, undersdtanding, war, hate, confusion, and rape?
Dec 16, 2012
Darius Smith
We Love You The Rolling Stones/The Psychedelic Furs [1967/1979]
Dec 16, 2012
Darius Smith
I may come into some cash today, want to buy more of your scattershot works. Gen L Forever
Dec 17, 2012
Darius Smith
Ex-Gu rdians stole ROLLERDERBY collection and 60s Italian typerwriter!
DWIGHT and DIANE SMITH/8862 Kenwood Road/Cinncinnati/OH/45242 ph. no, 513-791-6360
Dec 18, 2012
Darius Smith
Call me at 513-351-3261 anytime!
Dec 18, 2012
Darius Smith
Susan Flanary Johnston 513-351-3261 0r 513-6163029
Dec 18, 2012
Darius Smith
We Are Called
Dec 18, 2012
Darius Smith
i owe you money
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
i am hyper-modern, myself
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
stay cool
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
Now 90% of My nLisa Carver items have been stolen~
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
Interview Casey A thony in Fla. this Winter?
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
Casey Anthony
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
Interview Bret Easton Ellis in LA!
Dec 19, 2012
Darius Smith
is it cold?
Dec 20, 2012
Darius Smith
fun?
Dec 20, 2012
Darius Smith
worthwhile?
of course darius!
Dec 20, 2012
Darius Smith
you are/are not gnostic
Dec 20, 2012
Lisa Carver missed a call from you.
Darius Smith
Nor'Easter?
Dec 21, 2012
Darius Smith
OK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Dec 22, 2012
Darius Smith
worthwhile?
of course darius!
Dec 20, 2012
Darius Smith
you are/are not gnostic
Dec 20, 2012
Lisa Carver missed a call from you.
Darius Smith
Nor'Easter?
Dec 21, 2012
Darius Smith
OK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Dec 22, 2012
Darius Smith
IOU $25
Dec 30, 2012
Darius Smith
Happy Nu-Yrs. Eve, Leeza Gibbons!
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
IOU $35
I may not be The Fonz but I'm the next best thing! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Dec 31, 2012
Lisa Carver
Hi Darius. A happy and free 2013 to you, too. Thank you for still loving Rollerderby, but please only bid on what you can pay for right away, as I get charged by eBay just for listing, so when you don't pay, I still get charged.
Dec 31, 2012 · Sent from Mobile
Darius Smith
I almost always pay except when I was bidding hundreds for Dame Darcy original art!
I get $65 from the state today.
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
All my Rollerderbys were confiscated and destroyed by my dad and Diane while I was in the hospital. I still have #22 tho.
Happy New Year, Lisa Carver! You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown....
Dec 31, 2012
Lisa Carver
I found the Debbie Jaffe interviews you weren't able to pay for because you got locked up, and I will stick them in your package free as a celebration of getting out, but you have to pay for the book and DVD you ordered a couple weeks ago of eBay is going to cut you off automatically!
Dec 31, 2012 · Sent from Mobile
Darius Smith
ok
yes
Dec 31, 2012
Lisa Carver
Or
Dec 31, 2012 · Sent from Mobile
Darius Smith
$35 i know
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
Can I send you a money order or do you insist on PayPal only?
Wha.
Dec 31, 2012
Lisa Carver
Money order is fine with me, but since you ordered on ebay, they only accept paypal. I will try to cancel your order there. My address is 168 Central Ave., Apt. 4, Dover NH 03820.
You know, I would not be offended at all if you put 22 up for sale on ebay or elsewhere. I see people getting $15, $20 for that sold out issue. I would be happy for you to be getting the money for it!
Happy day to you!
Dec 31, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Thanx!
Dec 31, 2012
Lisa Carver
Do you get SSI? If so, did you know you got a 1.2% raise starting today?
Dec 31, 2012 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
SSDI/SSI first raise in 5 years, I think.
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
I'm Not OK/You're Not OK
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
Just Kidding
Dec 31, 2012
Darius Smith
Luv Ya, Sweet Nothing! Suckdog is worse than Yoko, again I luv it!!
Jan 2, 2013
Darius Smith
You Are Pretty!
Jan 3, 2013
Darius Smith
IOU $45
Jan 4, 2013
Lisa Carver
I know. Send me a money order. I found an old letter of yours I set aside along with the interviews with Debbie Jaffe.
Jan 4, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
OK
Jan 4, 2013
Darius Smith
Darius Smith: ___________ is Amazing/Upsetting/EntirelyCorrect/Effortless/Futuristic/All-New!/All-Now!
Jan 8, 2013
Lisa Carver
Thank you. Best review I've gotten, I think.
Jan 8, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
As always you are maybe, at times, THE WORLD'S FINEST!
Jan 8, 2013
Darius Smith
Stupid Ohio!
Gimme the White Cliffs of Dover!
Jan 10, 2013
Darius Smith
Will send $45 m.o. Wednesday.
Jan 18, 2013
Lisa Carver
Great. I still have your various extra papers.
Jan 18, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Kool Kings
Jan 18, 2013
Lisa Carver
What did you order? I have 5 issues of Rollerderby, _________, and the suckumentary. Did you order something else, too?
Jan 28, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
No Title
Jan 28, 2013
Lisa Carver
Yeah, that's __________. I think $45 is too much. Want the Rollerderby book, too?
Jan 28, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
OK, thanks!
Jan 28, 2013
Darius Smith
I escaped from the hospital today. They let me go. I can receive your parcel.
Jan 30, 2013
Lisa Carver
Good.
Jan 30, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Yes.
Jan 30, 2013
Darius Smith
Live Through It
Jan 30, 2013
Lisa Carver
Is the address the same as what's on the envelope you sent me?
Jan 30, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Yes!
Live Through This
Jan 30, 2013
Darius Smith
Gimme Shelter
Jan 30, 2013
Darius Smith
$20.00 for novel?
Jan 31, 2013
Lisa Carver
The gerbil novel? It's only two pages!
Jan 31, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
$10.00?
Jan 31, 2013
Darius Smith
$35.00 nxt Tuesday?
next
Jan 31, 2013
Lisa Carver
Let's wait and see how the auction plays out over the next six days.
Jan 31, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
OK
Jan 31, 2013
Darius Smith
days at the psych ward
Feb 11, 2013
Lisa Carver
I hope you're doing all right.
Feb 12, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
i was tring to say that I missed your parcel becase I was in the hosp.
Feb 13, 2013
Lisa Carver
What happened? Did someone hold it for you, or is it being sent back to me?
Feb 13, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Prob. left outside my door. Swiped!
Feb 13, 2013
Lisa Carver
Oh nooooooooooooo!
Feb 13, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
I still have __________
Feb 13, 2013
Lisa Carver
It may still be in transit. When did I mail it? A week ago or so? Media mail can take a week or more.
Feb 13, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
I hope so. Once a guy sent me Weed UPS left ii in the hall the package was even ripped but all they saw was books and left it alone
Feb 13, 2013
Darius Smith
I don't get why my dad kept like 20 Rollerderby mags!
Feb 13, 2013
Darius Smith
is your address 168 Central Ave.?
Feb 15, 2013
Lisa Carver
Yes, why?
Feb 15, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Magical Mystery Parcel on the way! Help is on the Way!
Feb 15, 2013
Lisa Carver
Yay!
Feb 15, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Right On! Magazine! Jet Magazine!
Feb 15, 2013
Darius Smith
See! Michelle Williams airbrushed like never before!
Feb 15, 2013
Darius Smith
See! The Shocking Virtue of Selfishness!
See! The Origin of the New Gods!
All of this and Frankenstein,too!
Feb 15, 2013
Darius Smith
New parcel goes out Tue/Wed to YOU.
Feb 15, 2013
Darius Smith
"I buried Paul"
Feb 16, 2013
Darius Smith
Luv is all u need.
Feb 17, 2013
Darius Smith
WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR, LISA? I WANT TO FOLLOW YOU, LISA, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU STAND FOR!
Feb 17, 2013
Lisa Carver
I think I'll take a seat!
Feb 18, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
pk
Miss You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hic-dnps6MU
ovv.
pbv.
Feb 18, 2013
Darius Smith
Hey!
Feb 19, 2013
Darius Smith
Boredom! Boredom! B'dom, B'dom!
Feb 21, 2013
Lisa Carver
I got your package, thanks so much. I look forward to consuming the books!
Feb 21, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Yay!
Feb 21, 2013
Darius Smith
Did you receive my m.o. for the Rollerderby items?
Feb 22, 2013
Lisa Carver
Yes, thanks. You mean the one from last month?
Feb 22, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Yes!
Feb 22, 2013
Darius Smith
Here Comes Everybody!
Feb 22, 2013
Darius Smith
(James Joyce!)
Feb 22, 2013
Darius Smith
TARANTULA !!
Can I send you more money, Lisa?
Feb 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Hey!
Feb 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Freeks that like YOU better than Nicole Dexter!
Feb 23, 2013
Lisa Carver
Nicole is dead, so she doesn't have a chance to turn into whoever she would have, and created whatever she might have. What is it you wanted to send me money for? Don't you have everything now?
Feb 23, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
NO !!
Feb 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Nix! Nix!
Nein! Nine!
Feb 23, 2013
Lisa Carver
You didn't know that Nicole died? I'm sorry. It was a couple years ago. She overdosed.
Feb 23, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
I knew, Lisa. That day, in fact.
She was MY only real girlfriend ever.
ONLY ONE
Feb 23, 2013
Lisa Carver
Well, it's time to find a new girlfriend. You're a good looking guy. Go find one.
Feb 23, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
All the Others Suxxx.
You.
No One.
You.
???
Feb 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Yes?
Feb 23, 2013
Darius Smith
GenL
Feb 24, 2013
Darius Smith
Ten Dollar Bill this week for GenL?
Feb 24, 2013
Lisa Carver
I will look for a special package for you.
Feb 24, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Done and Done!
Feb 24, 2013
Darius Smith
I was at $35/wk. in 2012, at $45/wk. Now, aiming for $65/wk. in Mar.!
Feb 24, 2013
Darius Smith
$10 to YOU today.
Feb 26, 2013
Darius Smith
Central Ave.?
Feb 26, 2013
Lisa Carver
168 Central Ave. Apt. 4, Dover NH 03820
Feb 26, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
ok
Feb 26, 2013
Darius Smith
Week's money gone in one day, o'course!
Feb 27, 2013
Darius Smith
Flavor Crystals! What are they? Geez
Mar 2, 2013
Darius Smith
Stuporman vs Spider-Man!
Mar 2, 2013
Darius Smith
Lisa! Is anything not selling? I am sending you ten, I can afford another five Mon/Tue. Not used Kleenex pleeze!
Mar 2, 2013
Lisa Carver
I will send you a big list of stuff and you pick a few.
Mar 2, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
OK! Magazine, Leeza....
Mar 2, 2013
Darius Smith
Neat! Neat! Neat!
Mar 2, 2013
Darius Smith
I am petitioning the SSA to return control of my checks in Mach. I will be a "vitual" millionaire! You willshae in my newfound wealth, LC!
Mach
March
Mar 2, 2013
Darius Smith
"virtual"
will share
Mar 3, 2013
Darius Smith
Chinatown1 nyc would make sense, right for you? I kno Sf chinatown pretty well for a White devil, love it and it can be actually scary at night1
Mar 3, 2013
Darius Smith
I have a winning "Cash Explosion" ticket in the house SOMEWHERE-_$10!
Mar 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Show 'em how the Suxwest was won, Leez!
Mar 18, 2013
Darius Smith
Lisa! $10 Bill to you next Tue. for Gen L (damaged copy) and maybe something else.Imitation of Christ
Mar 23, 2013
Darius Smith
"I'll Be Your Mirror"
Mar 24, 2013
Darius Smith
Nicole was built like a car.
Mar 24, 2013
Lisa Carver
She was a real, sweet, lost girl. You shouldn't speak of her as an object.
Mar 24, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Quoting T Rex I kno she was all-around amazing. Sweet, Golden Queen-Like, Kind, Smart and Too Trusting w/her drug buddies I guess
Mar 24, 2013
Lisa Carver
She was too trusting with the whole world. :, (
Mar 24, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Saddest Story Ever Told
Mar 24, 2013
Lisa Carver
I know.
Mar 24, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Last "chat" was me telling her how she should come to Ohio because of our imaginary dramatic amazing Winter weather.
Mar 24, 2013
Darius Smith
From first sight of her foto and first reesponse in yr VICE artice she was an electo-magnet and I found out I had an iron core, which I had felt once before in my life. I mean yes I was delusional and all yet I tried to be the best person possible "on-line" for the first time, she amzed stunned me into a better person than before I saw yr psych ward interview. Thank you, Lisa, thanx.
Mar 24, 2013
Darius Smith
going underground, Lisa?
Mar 26, 2013
Darius Smith
counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike/they've aa gone to look for america
Mar 26, 2013
Darius Smith
i still owe you $10!
Mar 26, 2013
Darius Smith
$10 next Tue. to you.
Apr 2, 2013
Darius Smith
Any interest in Lisa Carver Comix? (with your title of course!)
Apr 4, 2013
Lisa Carver
Oh, I don't know. I get kind of tired of myself.
Apr 4, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
No Naked Woman!
Apr 6, 2013
Lisa Carver
Not right next to my daughter.
Apr 6, 2013 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
What's So Funny About Peace, Love, Understanding, War, Hate, Confusion, and Rape, Lisa "Krumb-Kake" Carver?
Apr 6, 2013
Darius Smith
We Love You, Lisa!
Apr 6, 2013
Darius Smith
Have you seen Marlboro Black 100s yet?
Too Drunk to Fuck, Kristee?
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
I bought a winning Cash Explosion ticket tonight, $20 for $1 cost, one other non-win! Yay!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Miss You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hic-dnps6MU
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Can you see the real me/Can ya?/Can ya?
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Love Reign O'er Me! !!?!
Just Kidding
Stay Cool
Apr 7, 2013
Lisa Carver
Darius, please stop posting links to my wall.
Apr 7, 2013 · Sent from Mobile
Darius Smith
ok
"I Am a Camera"
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
See You in church, Lisa!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Church
Apr 7, 2013
Lisa Carver
Thank you!
Apr 7, 2013 · Sent from Mobile
Darius Smith
A Reading Rainbow!
Don't knock the Rock
Rock Around the Clock!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Transvision Vamp Wendy James UK 1980s
Sigue Sigue Sputnik 1980s IK
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Bay City Rollers
KC and the Sunshine Band
Captain & Tennille
Andrea True Connection
Dilver Convention
Night on Disco Mountain
"To Be Real"
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Luv It All !!?!
Silver Convention
"Fly, Robin, Fly"
Bennie and the Jets
Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting
Plastic Ono Band
LIVE PEACE IN TORONTO 1969 UK/USA
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
wild and wooly nite apparently
SOMR TIME IN NEW YORK CITY !972
SOME
Gimme Some Truth
"Dancing queen"
Queen
Dancing Queen
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Forever Now
Pretty in Pink
We Love You
The Ghost in You
"Church of the Poison Mind" Culture Club 1984 UK
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Super Kool 120s
Home from church just now. pretty lame as ever!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Did you know that I am a Southern Baptist for life? Sadly true fact! "So Sad About Us" The Who 1967 UK
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
THE WHO SELL OUT [Decca 1967 UK]
Everything is amazing NOT AT ALL today!
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/2013/03/she-is-pretty-much-perfect.html
Onward Unknown Soldiers!!?!
Again, Miss You.
HEADQUARTERS by The Monkees 1967 USA
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
THE DECLINE OF THE WEST by Oswald Spengler 1920s Germany?
MEIN KAMPF by A. Hitler 1920s
MINDCAMP by Darius Smith 1999 USA
THE CHROME-PLATED MACHINE PISTOL by Darius Smith 2013 USA
A Novel
Kee-Rist!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Katie Couric is World's Finest Human Being!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
_____________ has sold how many copies in a year? 400?
Love My Way
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/2013/02/dylan-as-far-as-im-concernedand-i-hate.html
"The Amerikan in Me"
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
"Citadel" The Rolling Stones 1967 UK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHOL5M0dfiw
See or Not See!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
Is it safe?
Luv to Luv Ya, Baby!!?!
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
PSYCHOCANDY
"Never understand"
"Never Understand"
"I Can't Explain"
DARKLANDS
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
PUSSY GALORE
Apr 7, 2013
Darius Smith
$10 bill to central ave. Mon. or Tue. I swear, lisa.
Apr 8, 2013
Darius Smith
I promise not to betray your "Facebook Trust," Lisa!
Apr 8, 2013
Lisa Carver
It's no problem. It's just that this is my workspace mostly, so I have to keep it to that to an extent. Gotta pay my rent!
Apr 8, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
In ten minutes I will magically possess $45! And sorry about the hypo-mania! Luv Ya! As Ever!
WAR is PEACE, LOVE is HATE, and CONFUSION is SEX.
Hobilly said you were a "Yuppie!"
Apr 8, 2013
Lisa Carver
Who is Hobilly?
Apr 8, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
You are really an UNWED MOTHER !!
Middle-Aged Cinti. Punk.
Apr 8, 2013
Lisa Carver
A yuppie is someone in their 20s or 30s, professional, urban, upper middle class. I am none of these. Hobilly is so wrong, whoever he is. Doesn't matter anyway, no one really IS something.
Apr 8, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS
yes
You sent him 2 letters in the 90s.
Apr 8, 2013
Darius Smith
Also Witt or Allen Michael Scmidtz or something is a HUGE Lisa Suckdog fan! Cinti. guy.
Suckdog is Challenging!
Apr 8, 2013
Darius Smith
Your mail is soon going to be superkool, LC!
Plus $10 even!
Time/Life/Rollerderby
!!!
Yesss!
Apr 8, 2013
Darius Smith
Parcel for you next Monday sent out!
May 21, 2013
Darius Smith
You ought to receive parcel this Sat. nothing earth-shattering, tho.
Jun 3, 2013
Darius Smith
X
X
O
Jun 4, 2013
Darius Smith
Lisa
Jun 6, 2013
Darius Smith
I don't want to sound complaining/But you know it's always raining in myheart/I do all the pleasing with you/It's so hard to reason with you!
Jun 8, 2013
Darius Smith
Ok okay
Jun 10, 2013
Darius Smith
Book avalamche lsoon Lixa,
Aug 4, 2013
Darius Smith
Book Monsoon


@@@@!!@!!!!!!!$$$$
Aug 4, 2013
Darius Smith
Are you still Queen of the Milky Way
Aug 5, 2013
Darius Smith
Luv ya!
??!?
Aug 14, 2013
Darius Smith
Saving up for postage on yr. 3-ton parcel!!
Aug 22, 2013
Darius Smith
Monday
Outgoing mail
Sep 21, 2013
Darius Smith
Period.
Sep 21, 2013
Darius Smith
Sledgtehammer'd w/books soon in Dover Town, Miss Bizzee!
Sep 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Incl. THE WALL by Hersey!
Sep 23, 2013
Darius Smith
Outgoing mail this Wed. "Book Rate" incl. a few menthol cigarettes?
Sep 23, 2013
Lisa Carver
Strangely, cigarettes turn liquid after a while, and smudge everything.
Sep 23, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
Yesss!
Will you deare read Jean Genet, Leeza??!?
Sep 24, 2013
Darius Smith
I Will DEare
"I Will Dare"{
Sep 24, 2013
Darius Smith
2 parcels speeding toward Dover Ville Leez!~
Sep 27, 2013
Darius Smith
LOuv iz all yu need Leez!
Sep 27, 2013
Darius Smith
Will send another ten*spot Monday Morning, Lisa Carver COMING DOWN LIKE SUNDSAY MORNING O FUKK
Sep 27, 2013
Darius Smith
301 frenz is insane. I have 2 frnz in Cinbti.!
Oct 1, 2013
Lisa Carver
I got your books. Thank you some much. Some I've read already, but are good for re-reading. Some I always meant to get around to and never did. You are very kind.
Oct 2, 2013 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
xxo
Oct 2, 2013
Darius Smith

Oct 2, 2013
Darius Smith
Where are you w/regard to E. Hemingway?? I sent you NICK ADAMS STOIRIES...did yhou btoss it in the fireplace? IN OUR TIME/A FAREWELL TO ARMS/A MOVEABLE FEAST/DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON all majopr faves of mine, he won the Nobel Prize, his is equal to the word "writer" yet read ers seem scarce and when I sometime come across a person who hbas any awareness of say THE SUN ALSO RISES or FOR WHOM T^HE BELL TOLLS or even THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA i get giddy with excitement....
Oct 3, 2013
Darius Smith
Did you hasve any interest in freading THIS SIDE OF PARADISE FSF's first novel? Love that guy too because i am a living American Stereotype!
Faulkner is impenetrable to me except for SOLDIER'SX PAY
Love Dos Passos (3 SOLDEIERS, USA TRILOGY) abndf Edmund Wilson (THE AMERIFCDAN EARTHQUAKE, ee cummings and Wolfe and esp. Dorothy Parker!
In the4 end I( love everyone whoever Attempted fiction poetry or essays, II me4an imaqgine all the rejected novels in the past 500 years gthat rivfalled THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV or ULYSSES, I would bet there are mANY MANY fucfk the too many hack editors since 1600!
Oct 3, 2013
Darius Smith

Oct 3, 2013
Darius Smith
May I send you a "work-related" e-mail later today, Leez? Also, I'm dying to kno which boo0s in the latest parcels you've already read! "gang-related"
Oct 3, 2013
Darius Smith
You already read NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND?
Oct 4, 2013
Darius Smith

Oct 6, 2013
Darius Smith
WE LOVE YOU, LISA!
Oct 6, 2013
Darius Smith
Miss You
Jan 7
Lisa Carver
I'm STILL reading your books and lighting your incense!
Jan 7 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
Stay Kool, Kristee!
Jan 9
Darius Smith
THREEV HUNDREDV TWO SUXXX
Luv Ya!!
Mar 5
Darius Smith
SEE OR NOT SEE WWW.BABYKILLER.COM SEE OR NOT SEE
Mar 8
Darius Smith
SEE OR NOT SEE
WWW.BABYKILLER.COM
SEE OR NOT SEE
Mar 8
Darius Smith
How to Lose Friends and Repel People!
WWW.BABYKILLER.COM
See or Not See!
Mar 8
Darius Smith
I Died 6Jun1944!
Born (for the tenth time: 23May1945...I am REALLY 68 going toward 69. Seriously! www.babykiller.com
SEE OR NOT SEE
Mar 8
Darius Smith
STAY GAY, LESBIA !! SORRY KRISTEE !! 5133513261 0OR 5133029823 OR 911 OR 411 OR 15551212 OR 1800-555-1212............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................???????????????????????????????????????????
Mar 8
Lisa Carver
I'm not gay. I'm not Kristee. I'm not a place to advertise yourself over and over. Conversations are fine.
Mar 8 · Sent from Chat
Darius Smith
YOUB ARE NOT GAY YOU ARE CRYSTAL "GAYLE" NCARVER YOPU ARE AN UNWED MOTHER VOF THREE?? TWO?? CALL ME OR NOT WHATE#VS>>>>>XXXX..............................XXX
Mar 8
Darius Smith
HOMOSEXULAITY TODAY I "love" gays. I am NOT gay, YOU are NOT gay. YOU maybe don't love gays so much, makes nYOU uncomfortable when I suggest you might "dabble"in in Sapphism? My ph. no. is 513-351-3261. My address ids SMITH/5722 Montgomery Rd. Apt. 6/Cinti. OH 45206-1971 If you are UPSET w/me, Lisa, PLEASE CALL 911 (Nine One One) I love you more than I love myself m"kristee." So there. Write back IF YOU DARE.
Mar 10
Darius Smith
ALSO: If I don't advertise myself....Who Will??!? Jeezuzus fukk....
Mar 10
Lisa Carver
I wish I were gay.
I support myself and two children by selling my books, and the main way I sell them is through people reading my Facebook. I ask people to not put their links on my page over and over, because this is my place of business. It's like if I had a physical store selling ashtrays, and you came in every day putting your ashtrays over mine, and no one could see my ashtrays for sale. I will accept your friend request if you can act like a friend on my page and not a traveling salesperson.
Mar 10 · Sent from Web
Darius Smith
I can't read your message right this second but I'm responding anyhow. SEE http://thenextnothing.blogspot.com/ OR NOT SEE AGAIN, I love YOU more than I love myself YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND FOR ALL-TIME! jeffreydarrensmith@gmail.com
External Image
i can't explain

Saturday, November 8, 2014

SEPTEMBER 1, 1939 by W.H. Auden

I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-Second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade;
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.

Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
Find what huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.

Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.

Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.

Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.

The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
"I
will
be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,"
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the deaf,
Who can speak for the dumb?

Defenceless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

CONVERSATION WITH "BOY ABOUT TOWN" NOAH BERLATSKY


December 29, 2011 3:44 pm
Have you read John Hersey yet?

No! Sorry...hopefully I'll get to it!
Start w/THE WALL
March 30, 2012 10:54 pm
THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES is a slog to read.
March 31, 2012 8:39 am

Wait...he wrote the Algiers Motel incident, right? I was just looking through that, actually....
yes
Ray Bradbury?
Fahrenheit 451
TV version of THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES starring Rock Hudson 1970s
Noah, do you like short stories?
March 31, 2012 8:18 pm

Depends on the short story! I don't have anything against the form per se.
April 1, 2012 10:11 am
THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES sux.
April 1, 2012 12:04 pm
Fukk "There Will Come Soft Rains"
December 15, 2012 9:17 am
I luv Hemingway.
December 16, 2012 11:54 am
Keats? Byron? Percy or Mary?
Wordsworth or Coleridge?

Keats is awesome; Byron is often very funny. Frankenstein is uneven, but has wonderful moments. A lot of P. Shelley is wonderful. Wordsworth can be great, but is often kind of dull. Coleridge is the man.
The Plagiarist and last to die!
No Wordsworth died last?
Keats 25, Shelley 29
Have you read The Last Man in Europe unsure of title By Mary Shelley?
December 16, 2012 1:36 pm

I haven't read any Mary Shelley other than Frankenstein. Is the Last Man any good?
Yes.
Wuthering Heights is FAR better than Jane Eyre.

Ummm...I don't know if I agree with that. I love them both.
Persuasion by Austen may be the worst "great book" of all-time.

I love Persuasion! Damn it.
ok
gimme DEATH ON THE INSTALLMENT PLAN !!
ULYSSES vs THE ODYSSEY? Gimme the ILIAD any day. Just kidding. I really like THE BERLIN STORIES by Isherwood. "I am a camera."
And yr. blog still roxxx!
December 16, 2012 7:30 pm

Aw...thank you!
Stay Kool, Noah.
Best Collection of American Short Stories 20th c.: IN OUR TIME. Also see the amazing "in our time" from the year before (1924-25.)
December 17, 2012 5:24 pm
"Foul Play" vs "Spider-Man No More"
December 18, 2012 9:39 am
Hey. Noah!
December 18, 2012 10:57 am
ALL THE SAD YOUNG MEN 1926
Fitzgerald never in paperback! Why?
December 28, 2012 4:36 pm
You Still Hate Short Stories!
January 2, 2013 10:38 am
ALL THE SAD YOUNG MEN 1926
January 10, 2013 8:35 am
Cash-In on THE GREAT GATSBY 1925 Short Stories, maan!
January 12, 2013 9:27 am
Q.: Bret Easton Ellis or James Ellroy? A.: Ellis and Ellroy!
January 31, 2013 3:12 am
Amazing Spider-Man 50?
January 31, 2013 8:09 am
Re-Regard FRANKENSTEIN, Noah!
February 15, 2013 11:20 pm
James Baldwin! The New Now!
Richard Wright! Langston Hughes!
Harlem Renaissance! Harlem Globetrotters!
LeRoi Jones!
February 16, 2013 9:26 am
Iceberg Slim!
S.E. Hinton!
I'd love to see a Bret Easton Ellis article on HU.
Noah, do you like The Stooges (1969-73)?
Ezra Pound?
Imagism:" Faces in the subway/Petals on a wet, black bough" or whatever. William Carlos Williams. H.D. I say they rival the Symbolists!
February 16, 2013 5:09 pm

Yeah, I love the Stooges. T.V. Eye is awesome. WCW is cool too.

February 22, 2013 12:50 pm
CITY OF NIGHT by John Rechy?
Ree-Shee
February 24, 2013 7:24 pm
LAST EXIT TO BROOKLYN ??
February 25, 2013 8:35 am
Welcome to the Working Week
February 26, 2013 9:47 am
Read TOO FAR TO WALK by John Hersey[1966?]
March 4, 2013 6:56 pm
Have you looked at TULSA by Larry Clark or THE AMERICANS by Robert Frank (w/Jack Kerouac)?
March 7, 2013 6:56 pm
Noah, would you rather read Dickens or Hemingway OUT LOUD?

Not sure; I don't think I've read either of them out loud!
I would discover new things in Hemingway and be super-re-assured by Dickens. Hemingway's actual dialogue would be fun to say. His hidden poetic works between quotes!
March 23, 2013 9:06 am
Noah, have you read Selby or Rechy yet?
Faulkner is forbidding.
March 23, 2013 2:06 pm
Check out BETWEEN THE BUTTONS by The Rolling Stones!

Between the Buttons is great! I like a lot of their early stuff.
Nice!
March 24, 2013 10:42 pm
"Citadel" from SATANIC MAJESTIES!
March 26, 2013 6:04 pm
A Special Request for HU: Pllease Write an Article on "Gutter Punks"
And more about "Ke$ha!
March 28, 2013 6:35 am
Sri Lanka? Tamir Tigers? M.I.A.?
Uh, Tamil?
April 6, 2013 9:13 am
Is "Lola" by The Kinks the first gay rock hit? Probably. 1970.
April 6, 2013 10:21 am
"Sally Go Round the Roses" by a girl group in '63 is rumored Lesbian-themed. Honorable mention to Jojo from "Get Back" 1969.

I love Sally Go Round the Roses! By the Jaynetts? Am I remembering that right? Wikipedia says I am....
And the fact that Mitch Ryder (Detroit Wheels) was gay throws a new light on his ultra-macho rock!
April 6, 2013 5:54 pm
What's So Funny About Peace, Love, Understanding, War, Hate, Confusion, and Rape?
Lord Byron 35? Hitler 56. Hemingway published his first novel at 26. Greatest poet of all-time maybe Charles Baudelaire?
We Love PSYCHEDELIC FURS and ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN, Noah Berlatsky!
Suggestion for HU: a round-table discussion on HIROSHIMA by John Hersey 1946?
April 7, 2013 8:45 am
Suggestion for HU: a round-table discussion on A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway 1929 USA?
SMOKE SOME KILL by Schooly D?
The Decline of Western Civilization directed by Penelope Spheeris 1980?
Suburbia by Spheeris?
TALK RADIO and SUBURBIA New York Stage Plays 1980s Eric Bogosian USA??!?
Super Kool 120s
Marlboro Black 100s
Newport Non-Menthol 100s
Hello Goodbye
"The Walrus Was Paul"
Dear Prudence
Cry Baby Cry
"YESTERDAY"...AND TODAY [1966 USA] The Butcher Foto!
Neat! Neat! Neat!
Seriously, Hello Goodbye, Noah!
April 7, 2013 11:04 am
Have you appeared in the print-version ATLANTIC MONTHLY yet, Noah?
Whatevs.

No...and not likely to, I don't think. Print and web are pretty separate, as far as I can tell...I pitched them something and never heard back, so...not holding my breath.
Who do they want? Naomi Klein and Bret Easton Ellis??!?
What about articles for THE NATION weekly? You're at least good enough for that!
A poem in THE NEW YORKER?
Again, whatevs.

Heh. The Nation doesn't encourage freelancers. And there's no way the New Yorker would print my poems.

I got a review in the print edition of Reason a month or so back. That was nice.
Start your own print mag! I'll contribute anything you want for a flat rate $40/article! I swear!
April 7, 2013 1:22 pm
Submit an article to THE NEW CRITERION! I'm not kidding!
POETRY MAGAZINE CHICAGO
HARPER'S!
ESQUIRE!
MAXIM, dammit!
ART NEWS!
THE NEW YORK REVIEW OF BOOKS! Again, dammit! You are a fine writer and it is wrong to be restricted to some kind of fukt internet ghetto!
Hooded Utilitarian Print-Version! I would happily pay $6 for a copy on the news stand!
SPIN could use a great writer again!
VILLAGE VOICE?
Column in Sun-Times or Tribune?
Chicago Reader might be the best USA free weekly! Ours in Cinti. is called CityBeat and it's ok. Justin Green lives here for some reason!
Cincinnati Enquirer is a stain on the city!
Whatevs.
The greatest novel of all-time? THE LONG GOODBYE by Raymond Chandler 1952? USA
Or at least it's re-readable!
Charles Willeford is fantastic!
April 7, 2013 4:54 pm
Which is better: RUBBER SOUL or THE KINKS ARE THE VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY?
I choose the Kinks record!
I've got it! Revive the weekly LIFE MAGAZINE w/YOU as Editor-in-Chief!
April 7, 2013 8:10 pm
Or create a monster PEOPLE/US/OK! DAILY (Print and Website!) $3B invested by UN/World Bank!!?!
HU Worldwide Word Efforts!
Neat!
April 7, 2013 9:17 pm
Or revive Joe Simon's SICK MAGAZINE just think, Noah Berlatsky, a Mort Todd of the Twenty Teens!
Or takeover HIGHLIGHTS FOR CHILDREN!
Stop, Darius! Jusr stop!
OK
"I use the N.M.E./I use/Anarchy!"
New Musical Express
"I use the best/I use the press!"
"I wanna destroy passersby!"
OK
Do you care about 70s Punk Rock any, Noah?

Sure! Love the Stooges, love VU. Sex Pistols are okay, first Clash record is okay. Love the New York Dolls....
"Lucky Man" by ELP is weirdly good and also effective anti-war effect, up there with "The Unknown Soldier" by The Doors.
"Lucky Man"
April 8, 2013 9:18 am
Roll On, Hooded Utilitarian
April 8, 2013 10:27 am
OR revive MARVEL COLLECTOR ITEM CLASSICS title from 1965 and YOU can print ANYTHING w/Disney allowing $500,000 each monthly issue to print THE FINEST COMICS OF ALL-TIME! Cover price? FIFTY CENTS! It's true, man, LOSS LEADERS RULE! jeffreydarrensmith@yahoo.com
MARVEL COLLECTOR'S ITEM CLASSICS Jan. 2014 Vol. 2 No. 1 !!
April 8, 2013 11:53 am
Yesss!
WAR is PEACE, LOVE is HATE, and CONFUSION is SEX.
April 8, 2013 5:19 pm
Noah! What Do You Know?
April 8, 2013 7:59 pm
Hey, man!
OK
Hey! Pachuco!
Noah Berlatsky is Pavlov Picasso!
Ha!
OK
August 19, 2013 12:26 am
Magoval
August 20, 2013 1:15 pm
Fake Word
September 21, 2013 3:37 pm
There is No Love in This World Anymore!
September 24, 2013 12:39 am
What's the New, Mary Jane?
October 5, 2013 10:26 am
Noah's Ark: HU, Splice, and Atlantic Monthly, saving the world again despite the New Deluge!
January 3rd, 2:05am
Marvel Collector's Item Classics Now or Never , Noah!!?!
January 14th, 2:03pm
As Ever, Darius!
Monday 5:01pm
What's the New, Mary Jane?
Thursday 6:45pm
Noah Berlatsky: Current President of the American Intelligentsia!

See Noah's wide-ranging Hooded Utilitarian!

Monday, October 28, 2013

I ASKED LOU REED TO SIGN MY ASS WITH A QUILL PEN

It’s the day after I heard that Lou Reed died, and even though I haven’t paid much attention to anything he’s been doing for several decades, his music was important to me, bandmates, and friends, so I thought I’d write something down here. We used to refer to him as “Uncle Lou”—meaning, I guess, both a blood relative reverence and also irreverence, as in the perverted uncle disowned by the family that no one talks about. I vaguely recall “meeting” him once, when we—I don’t recall who, Keith Busch?—drove up to a record store on Coventry where he played a live radio show and then you could wait in line to have him sign a record or something. (He was very small and wearing a blue hoodie.) I felt embarrassed but went through with it and asked him to sign something ODD—can’t remember what now! Maybe it was a copy of Dharma Scum, a “garage novel” by Sean Hill and myself, or maybe this was before we wrote that, so maybe I asked him to sign my ass with a quill pen. It probably wasn’t THAT, but it was in that spirit. He smiled and gave me a funny look.

Like rock’n’roll, Lou has died countless times already, though I don’t want to get into the negatives here. But neither do I want to write a “tribute.” By the time they built that Clown Factory in Cleveland, rock’n’roll had been buried too deep for anyone to ever pretend to know it, but it does persist like an annoying friend (the kind where you don’t need enemies). I guess it died just about the first time anyone decided that they had this burning urge to write about it, and seeing how there’s not even room in the coffin for another nail, I’m just going to kind of blow my nose over my record collection here.

Now, in the last six years I’ve moved five times, and each time I’ve left a lot of shit behind, including my record collection, except for a handful. I’ve picked up a few at yard sales here and there, but since records are back “in” now it’s too expensive to go out and buy back what I once owned. So here in this small hotel room I’m living in now I’ve got—I just counted them—60 odd records (some odder than others: Dory Previn! The Rockin’ R’s?) I just went through them to see which Lou Reed records I have, and the grand total is two! Most shockingly in absence is my all time favorite, STREET HASSLE (1978) – where is it? There is NO WAY I don’t have that record! Yet, it’s not here. I have been robbed! Just that cover, one of the best album covers ever (what the hell is that red ball?) A great, weird record. It sounds like no other. Oh well, I can’t take it to my grave (maybe Lou did).

Now, this is going to make me really UNPOPULAR but I don’t give a rat’s ass about the Velvet Underground. Sure, I like them, but then I like the ARCHIES, too, but Lou Reed’s second career, as “Lou Reed” is where it really connects for me. And I take that back, Street Hassle isn’t my favorite record, that would be METAL MACHINE MUSIC (1975) which contrary to what people seem to think IS music and you CAN listen to it. It’s not a fuck you to the record company or the fans, it’s a LOVE LETTER. I, however, gave my copy to Jeff Curtis, because he has a radio show and has actually played it on his radio show. In fact, a great tribute to Lou Reed would be to play the entire four sides on the radio (maybe toward the end of the show, then, barricade yourself in all night while the final lock groove goes on and on and on—just an idea). Sadly, I’m also missing LOU REED (1972) with the druggie art cover, I really love that album, but my copy was trashed, and every copy you find looks like someone threw up on it after OD-ing. I also don’t have TRANSFORMER (1972), which is sad because I LOVE that record, but what’s even sadder is that about half the songs have been used in commercials for heinous products and corporations (who I guess didn’t listen to the lyrics?) because it’s about the catchiest set of jingles you’re ever going to hear. I also don’t have SALLY CAN’T DANCE (1974) and CONEY ISLAND BABY (1975) both of which I really love, and shouldn’t have too hard a time picking up somewhere since no one seems to like them. Some of his records after 1978 I enjoyed at the time but don’t really care to listen to anymore.

What do I have, then? Two records I managed to save because they’re like two books of the Holy Bible to me. LOU REED LIVE: TAKE NO PRISONERS (1978) has a way too long title, a hideous cover (though a ballsack is prominently featured) and it’s LIVE. The live rock record is really one of the most dismal mistakes in rock’s portfolio of bad ideas, but THIS record! It’s the one live record you should listen to, and well, just one of my favorite records to put on when I’m in a Scotch and cigarettes kind of mood (but without the Scotch and cigarettes). It’s a double record, folds out, and the inside is a hilarious giant photo of Lou with a cigarette, obviously taken at the same time as the Street Hassle cover (there’s that red ball again), his aviator sunglasses look like they’re covered with perm grease. It’s somewhere between a comedy record, a lounge act, and “live rock” as well as it can be played. It starts out with a pretty formidable version of “Sweet Jane” which he almost immediately interrupts to go into really funny stream-of-consciousness improvisations and complaining: “I never said I was tasteful. I’m not tasteful.” During an extended version of “Walk On The Wild Side” he sets out to tell the story of the origin of the song but keeps interrupting himself, talking about critics, particularly Christgau: “Can you imagine working for a fucking year and you get a B+ from some asshole in the Village Voice?” But also other people like Warhol superstars and celebrities like Norman Mailer: “I met Mailer at a party, he tries to punch you in the stomach to see how tough you are… he’s pathetic… ‘Come on man…’ What? You’ve got to be kidding? Somebody step on him, man. Go write a bible.” Because of the Stereo Binaural Sound recording process, this is a weird listening experience, especially with headphones (not only can you hear Lou brutally addressing members of the audience, you can hear individual members of the audience). “I sing when you shut up.” Causing feedback: “Isn’t that annoying? I can drown you out. Leave if you don’t like it.” But it’s actually all very loving, believe it or not, he loves this audience, and what he’s doing, that’s the sense I get.

I lied when I said those other records were my favorite all-time Lou Reed records because my favorite actually is the other one I have, BERLIN, which is from 1973, the year I believe is the pinnacle of American culture (that’s right, it’s been downhill for the last 40 years). I suppose I’ve listened to this record more than all of his others combined, so I don’t put it on that much anymore—but I still do once in awhile when I need something to cheer me up. People often say it’s depressing, meaning the music, the lyrics, the content, but I don’t understand that, really… I mean, isn’t a lot of art about sad subjects? The songs are all very beautiful, all of them on this record, and I find that uplifting. I think people constantly confuse depressing with sad. I find bad art depressing, maybe, but mostly I try to ignore it. What I love about this record is that it’s so over the top, it’s extreme, melodramatic, emotional. I love to think about these people in the studio, how they must have felt recording it. I hope they felt like they were doing something great. I don’t mean to criticize people who find this record too sad to listen to, I guess, I mean the story it contains IS pretty heartbreaking! But I take it as a story, that’s all. Maybe it’s the ultimate compliment, ironically, if you’re making sad art, when it’s too sad for people to even want to experience. By the way, I sure have quoted Lou Reed a lot over the years, to the extent where it’s like his lyrics have become part of my personality. I think my favorite one of all comes from the last song on this record: “Just goes to show how wrong you can be.”

Saturday, October 5, 2013

THE STORY OF TUESDAY

I walked to a deserted public library and used a computer for the first time and strangely, I felt vaguely to blame for these new USA super-horrors. I can almost recall a public conversation in the Nineties about hating the way the grotesque World Trade Center ruined the NYC skyline, and wishing out loud that the Twin Towers be demolished. Just idle talk in coffee shops, discussion of the bomber that crashed into the Empire State Building in the forties, and speculation about weaponized passenger jets. Not sure if this is delusional or accurate.

AUTOMATIC RESPONSE

Dear Robo-Poet: Please disconnect your phone, pulverize your computer by sledgehammer, cancel your mail, move to Hawaii where you'll never check General Delivery or even touch a payphone...your pain is so immortal that no mere friend could ever hope to qualify to hear your translations of the word of God into a rarefied English, Sporty Spice is a blip on a sonar screen next to the towering importance of your literary self! Signed, Secret Spice, Worthlessville, Ohio.

A PSYCH WARD IS A BORE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE

Your behavior is scrutinized and the worst deductions are made about you. There is too much food, way too much time, gossip, personalities always carry the day, above all so-called professional behavior. In this hospital (University of Cincinnati Medical Center, 8 West, my ward) nothing really important I can see goes on and nothing too horrifying either. The goal is to stack everyone on a shelf and feed them and let them rest, drugging them back to their "proper levels." Our failure to move on in life keeps this carousel spinning. Soon. Something. Somewhere.

Friday, October 4, 2013

WORLD WRECK PERFECT

We are not sunny here, we are skyless.
I want to remember the way out:
Snappy lines, the unremembered truth.
The grim path, correct and incorrect,
Never changes, the truth flickering
Madly never changes.

Monday, September 30, 2013

WHY THE WEB SUCKS/FLAMEWAR

I saw a link to an article at Huffington Post about a kidnapped professor in Arizona: "Veronica Perez Rodriguez, Northern Arizona Professer [sic], Escapes Kidnappers In Mexico."
Never mind the typo in the headline. That's a subject for a different post. I was curious about the content-to-"crap" ratio. Here's a miniaturized screen capture of the page that I got. I used Photoshop and hid the actual content (it's covered in red). In other words, the red area represents the information that people actually want to see when they arrive.
The content occupies about 5.2% of the page. The remaining 94.8% consists of ads, links to other pages, links to social crap, a Bing search, a Twitter box, unhidable comments, navigation tools, and who knows what else.
The HTML code is 410K, and it loads eight additional HTML documents, 272 graphic images, 21 Javascript files, 8 CSS files, and about two dozen other files. Loading the page makes 294 HTTP requests, and gets 1,868,368 bytes. It has at least 332 hyperlinks.
The text "facebook" is used 109 times in the raw source document. The text "twitter" is used 122 times.
If you actually read the article, you find that it's just an article and video duplicated from another site -- an excellent example of how a content farm works. This sort of thing probably represents the future of the Web, and it will only get worse. You can avoid some of the garbage by using an ad blocker, but it doesn't hide the fact that this web page is 95% worthless. In fact, it's 100% worthless when you consider the fact that you can find the exact same content elsewhere.
The page where they got the content from is also obnoxious, but not nearly as bad as HuffPo. When you use an ad blocker, it actually looks pretty good.
http://j-walkblog.com
DLN: What's with all these forwards?
THE MOSS PROBLEM: Really? Get bent, fucker.
DLN: Why are you such a retard? I just asked what you were up to and you act like an ass.
This is why I had to cut off the phone biz. I know part of you can't help it and I feel terrible for the part that can, but sometimes like now I can't tell the difference and I just don't feel like getting treated like dirt for no reason.
If you're well then you're a jerk. If you're not then I'm sorry and I look forward to talking when you've cycled out and into a better state.
TMP: I'm not allowed to call you. I'm not allowed to write to you. Only certain DLN-related topics are discussable.
Sending you an article fucks up your life about as much as seeing my name on your call i.d. screws up your life. Your intolerance is staggering, your egotism outrageous. I love you and all and I always will and I am as flawed as they come and you ARE brilliant and all that but no one calls shots in my life lording whatever over me except my future wife and you are definitely not her. I realize you don't need me, I don't need you, but you're a cool guy and I won't play the abused stepchild ever.
DLN: Get bent, fucker? That's what you say to me when I ask what's going on? And now this? What an overreach. Phone is out for obvious reasons though it doesn't make me happy. E-mail is always fine except when you start this kind of crap. Topics are all on the table; where do you get that we can only talk about me? Because you refuse to talk about yourself? I'm not intolerant, I suppose, unless endless phone calls and being abused in e-mail and not liking it is a sign of intolerance.
This is all a two-way street. Ponder both sides, please.
TMP: I'm sorry. You're right. "Get bent, fucker," was the extremely worst thing to say. I will regroup, stop spamming you, and try to be human. I suck sometimes.
DLN: Thanks, same here, not trying to pick a fight, I just get it from all angles and it's hard to know when to defend and when to absorb or ignore.
SRM: I accept yer apology...That's the first time I've ever witnessed you flipping-the-fuck-out...Wasn't pleasant. Especially since I seemed to be the one, to have spawned yer Beast. I kept reminding myself that you bark and not bite...I wanted badly to serve you a Karate Chop. But, that probably could have made you imagine that I was a Praying Mantis-style Kung Fu Instructor, at the Fairfield YMCA....and then yer phone call to yr mom would FORCE a call from her to yr paternal arch-nemesis....eventually --tho not TOO far down-- leading to Haldol-induced phone calls begging me to smuggle you-in a few smokes, at Sinclair (sp?) State-where, evidently their professional staff haven't-yet adopted anywhere near-a progressive game-plan, with their five-shelved Darius Case-File...
--I was stuck in the pouring rain. Placed my properties, which you whizzed-out, from yer apartment door-into/onto the floor/stairs...placed them in the dumpster-covered with an empty/discarded Utility of a LaRosa's Pizza Box (a LARGE==My GuD LuK), behind yer complex...waiting fer my Folks to pick me up. They were in the middle of an evening out, enjoying a nice dinner, fer my Dad's Eighty-Years-Old Birthday --forcible phone-- voice interrupting their celebration, soaked, pissed-off, confused, stuck-fer-a-cab (I called about seven friends and cabs-with no dice)...
--(I, the Victim of-)-your overly-physical harangue, coming out-from-nowhere-My tormenting consequence of The Defining dipshittedly, uninspired and garden-variety Flaked Nonsense - (myself, personally-) having nowhere CLOSE to becoming reckoned with-added with disappointing-futility thoughts - "reckoning" what you normally do/who you are, predictable lack of abilities to inspire...Realizing the difference between Rant and mindless middle-aged chatter...
Dexedrine vs. Dextromethorphan....
Talking FAST vs. Talking Mumbo Jumbo...
Ambition vs. Apathy...
Elementary Discussion vs. Confrontational Misinterpretation...
Intentional Personal Neglect (--with available "betterment" means, on hand) vs. Disappointment Surfing With State Aid...
A man and a woman-soon, later, another one of yer neighbors were walking into the building...Was walking towards them, to mostly get out of the downpour...There were NO shelters. No-frills style-parking garages, unlocked buildings, business establishments, nor otherwise...After some kind words, I was let into yer building. Waited in the laundry room, with all my shit (it stayed dry, in the dumpster. LaRosa's Pizza Parlours kick ass...)
...Miserable and rain-soaked approaches lay-down a sympathetic demeanor-even in the most miserable assholes I explained that the crap on the floor was mine and that you'd thrown me out. One of these folks asked me if it was a "lover''s spat" (meaning=You & I = L u V ) - - I said it wasn't...and didn't really bad-mouth you at all, if I remember...I remember a Black girl mentioning that you were (=-she views you as--) "quiet"...No "Gay Talk" was inferred.
I ONLY apologize fer my (sarcastic), confrontational "advice"-regarding yer trends in regards to yer publishing choices/apathy towards profiting from personal Arts & Crafts. etc. etc. etc.
I'll listen to yr voice mails. I'll notice yr e-mails...
That's about IT.
Good luck.
http://themossproblem.blogspot.com

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

GILMORE TAMNY, QUEEN OF THE YIPS

Chickfactor: When did you first publish WIGLET and why?
Gilmore Tamny: Started it in November of '90 after I'd moved to Cleveland. I'd been writing stories in college and giving the whole trying-to-get-published thing a whirl, which, ugh, was seeming pretty miserable. My boyfriend showed me some zines--they were a complete revelation--and I knew that's what I wanted to do.
CF: What sort of things were in WIGLET?
Gilmore: Interviews, comics, a confessional or two, essays, short stories.
CF: What thing in WIGLET were you most proud of?
Gilmore: Ah, I think it had a really specific feel to it.
CF: Why did you stop WIGLET?
Gilmore: I'm glad you asked me that. I've felt bad I've never written back to the people who've asked for issues or why I stopped putting it out. It was a convergence of miseries, really. I was having problems which I didn't feel comfortable writing about, it didn't fit into the WIGLET idea, but couldn't really talk about anything else, either. So I just sort of shut down and played guitar all the time. Also, the person who had been the inspiration for WIGLET had gone crazy a few years before and was going in and out of jail and institutions, which was just depressing as hell and I kinda needed to put an end to that era of my life. That's all kind of grim, but I don't know, it worked out for the best, I think I was getting ready to do something else anyway.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

THE STORY OF ROCK

Buddy Holly said, "I guess it doesn't matter anymore" and he is so correct. I know you're fanatically devoted to "The Day the Music Died" you like to sing along with your good friends while drinking wine and I heard about your heroin abuse episode at this year's Jimmy Buffet concert. "Everybody in my office is a junkie!" Congratulations. "Rock" is the triumph, finally, of the Loser.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

THE AVENGERS "Avengers"

THE SCHEMATIC STRIKES! by Jeanne Falstrom 1985

priscilla painful on a midnight walk
shouting shallow thunder upwards
as i laugh with envy
poor poor priscilla i say
but as always i really mean me
and she loves me until she gets
bored
then flies to a lighthot lamp
then dies
i pretend not to care
but as always i suck
and i loved priscilla
(when i was
bored)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

MEET THE BLOGGERS!

Staggering into the park at three a.m., destination: overlook, Jim Gladish, drunk on cooking sherry, snubbed by the ugliest girl at the X Spot, Jim Gladish, rightfully the world's most important blogger and everywhere people laughed if they were paying attention to him at all and over 99% of the time no one knew who this so-called superstar Jim Gladish even was. So, to the overlook! Jump into the void and into the oblivion of eternity! But first a cigarette....

No more top thirty unknown sitcoms? One, two tears, then a flood. Jim Gladish knew right then he couldn't kill himself; where would that leave his Jim's TV Universe readers? So he staggered home. These were the Better Days before the new Golden Age. Jim Gladish will inherit the world and give away half in five minutes, yours for the asking. Have at it!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

"COLORFUL" WARS vs DOOMSDAY CLOCKS

1945 ruined August forever after. No more Central Powers vs the Entente, no more Crown Prince Franz Ferdinands shot in their touring cars or Rapes of Belgium, no more Russian armies invading East Prussia, no more French Theory of Attack toward the Upper Rhine, no more "Which side will Italy join?" Now we commemorate A-bomb blasts. However, 11/11 worked wonders for November. Armistice Day, dammit!

Friday, July 5, 2013

THE END OF THE BEGINNING

His Dad fell asleep in the Garage with the Car running. Chicago on the 8-Track sang "Only the Beginning." Let's make an Effort to transform This Ordinary Suicide into a Super-Start! For Somebody.

The Bees died off early that Year so Everyone in Town was super happy. Kids never came into Contact with Peanuts or Latex. Shul Neighbor, Barber Shop Owner and Unofficial Town King ordered the Deaths of Three Jews. His Men searched but None were found matching the King's Description: Lamb's Wool for Hair, Giant Bird Beak for Nose, and Lengthy Fangs coated in Christian Blood.

Monday, June 3, 2013

A "LOG" IS A RECORD OF EVENTS/A "MAGAZINE" IS AMMUNITION, A CACHE, A CONTAINER

From: robinplan@sbcglobal.net To: dariussmith55@hotmail.com right, this blog uk sucks. I have an account with blogger and can walk with you through it if you want. i hope it's free, meanwhile Live Journal and MySpace are worth looking at, and a site called YUKU if it gets desperate. Darius Smith wrote: It's pretty fucking horrible. A spam generator with an "ad search engine" in the title box! --Jeff From: Robin Plan robinplan@sbcglobal.net Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2006 20:48:39 -0700 (PDT) It's a start, but it's not a good platform, people have to open accounts and log in to read your posts? You know MySpace may be better, or Live Journal, sorry I didn't think of them before. They are super easy and very well known, your good work won't be hidden over there in the damn United Kingdom this way. Hold on, I will find a cool journal and send you the link so you can see the possibilities. For now, just yay, you got something up. Feel empowered, it's difficult crazy making shit! Be right back! Darius Smith wrote: www.blog.co.uk is pretty fucking ugly. Oh well. --Jeff From: Robin Plan wrote: I liked it very much. www.hatemail.com Navigating around Word Press is impossible for me. The pages won't come up. I just want simplicity, prestige isn't important. Please recommend something. --Jeff. From: Robin Plan robinplan@sbcglobal.net Gotcha. You can turn off comments at your Word Press blog and you don't have to make a blogroll. My blog is writhesafely.wordpress.com it's been linked to 80 other blogs so far! Gooogle it! Word Press seems the most versatile free site out there, you can do pretty much what you want, IF you can get back in. That's the problem isn't it? You're locked out of your own blog and you're too stubborn to admit you don't know how to navigate the site! So now you will have nothing to do with them, fess up. Darius Smith wrote: Magazines have tables of content. "Blogs" often have trillions of "links" to blogs that "link" back. My magazine will have no comments scroll (letters to the ed. instead.) A detailed recounting of daily news events or my life or my opinion of George W. Bush is not my aim. Where is your "blog?" --Jeff. (This is not intended to be sarcastic or "snarky.")

Sunday, March 31, 2013

MADDOX! YOUR FUTURE!


The TV stations stop broadcasting, the radio stations sign off, the police force resigns and the fire department doesn't respond to alarms. The electric utilities and the phone companies give up, all banks fail, all grocery stores declare bankruptcy. Teenagers systematically lay torches to the subdivisions, door-to-door salesman take up serial murder, and you're making love to your boss in a fast-food toilet stall. You're finally happy. The Best Page in the Universe!

CONFESSIONS OF A MONSTER

Sloganeer never sleeps. More reasons to live than stars in the sky. We're at war with the sky. The television is uncommitted. The motion pictures promise "soon." One book in a thousand like a blueprint: How we can build less sad lives. I don't want a rollercoaster. I want a Coast-to-Coast Subway. Or I'll walk, hitch, stay. Go in Mid-Western Circles. See, I'm here, alive, I'm in love, I don't care. You walk in whatever direction you want. I walk in the new directions. Escalation of love, I'll risk all, everyday, all day. Risking everything is the only way I can go forward. Anything else is certain death or worse. So! Destroy me! Yes! I am a Monster! Give me another reason! I've got maybe a million million reasons! Collection far from complete! My advice? Fall in love with the fact that you ever lived at all. I won't stop. Death never stops. O.K.!

Saturday, March 23, 2013

TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER

After 5 or 6 years The Moss Problem posts its first music video. Yes, Reader, it's safe to say we at last reveal our true sell-out selves! To any and all scoffers our reply, as ever, is "Get bent, ya flowerpots!"

Thursday, March 21, 2013

SPORTY SPICE OFFERS MOCK EXECUTIONS!

Imagine a friend from the Federal Reserve walking through our distressed neighborhoods with all kinds of cash and gold instead of all these penniless priests! Let's find a parking lot where we can erect a field of crosses for these frauds, I mean, really, man! If you can't reply to Our Sporty Spice first of all I feel sorry for you and after that...there's a keyboard right in front of you, a machine, less than any real effort, I mean what's wrong? Do you have cancer? AIDS? Or if you had the fatal illness would you be more likely to make the effort? What is wrong with you? Tell me quick...! All right, girls and boy well-wishers, how about some entertainment?

SPORTY SPICE IS A SCANNER AND A SEXY GIRL I don't care about your warnings, this is real-- Yeah, she's fourteen, I'm aware of that fact, fine, fine-- Yeah, this hallucinogen is super-dangerous, I won't forget-- Yeah, we'll all be killed for certain if we try, I'll remember-- Understand, please, this is not for suicide, this is a real attempt to improve the quality of our lives, that's all. Have you never really heard of Risk? Sporty Spice is about to murder you, no, really, I am Sporty Spice and I am going to kill you in five seconds. Yeah, that's me Sporty Spice in that commercial, on the cover of all kinds of magazines, and the featured player in ten thousand snuff films. My other name is YOUR GIRLFRIEND. So, you're either with Sporty Spice or you probably never really existed at all.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

THE AMERICAN IN ME

***Jello Mitchell Chat Conversation Start February 17*** xxx xoxox sweet premium sweet premium you know what THIS IS xerox i have an industrial sized one of them no they call 'em photocopiers now. who knew omg how you do that that is INSANE Wha. Wait nevermind That was so weird dude Pynchon. I got one friend req. and it was like.. uh.. V. I dunno, it popped up as showing I had 238 but I only had received one. and I thought you did a magic trick. LOL first novel 1963 v for Very Big Dick no female wait huh i dunno wht we're tlaking about now! i don't think your message sent. I just saw V. FB chat is very, very buggy on my end I'm not a man. i dont even know if my msgs send. it's weird. prolly why anytime one notification comes up it'll show a bunch msgs,! Ahh, I gotcha. I honestly don't know what anyone is online. My SN is a cat. mgmt.! My cat's name I mean OK mgmt haha i saw them live i think. OK You live in Cleveland? I was supposed to be bussing down there yesterday or today or one of the past 3 days. heh Cincinnati OK ahhh, gotcha. I just saw under yr activity an event in CLE took a wild guess Lived there for 5 yrs. Wow Scott Pickering is mutual friends with my 2 friends from CLE Small world haha. Yeah. You may very well know one or both of 'em too for all i know! I was gonna see his band play. Missed the show. Too sick to take an amtrak this weekend. Not Scott but my friend I mean Yes. Since the 80s. Meg and Justin?! Or Scott? If you know Meg and Justin that is insane! Very small world. Some are frenz of frenz. Darius, is that Charlotte Pressler.. the late Peter Laughner's ex-wife?... I am quite fond of poetry by a person from CLE named Charlotte Pressler.. i think that was her name- but i can't remember... and she is among my FB ads. adds* Yes. Dead at 25. Friend requests. whatevs, I forget what to call 'em, I'm a bad Facebooker. That's his ex wife, the page I'm looking at now? OK i know of Laughner.. he is a huge idol of mine She's a Fla. Prof. now. still single. i was just a little awestruck to see Charlotte Pressler in my friend req. thing, because i was just istening to her and peter's amicable divorce reading a day or two ago.. wow. I loved her work,, the little i have been able to find insane.. i think she might even be under my influences list on this thing with 3 or 4 others OK that's so crazy, i had no idea she'd be a Facebook user or on here. it was so neat to meet eBay on eBay Lisa on eBay* gosh, sorry. My typing is off. I work clerical ...I type a lot and fast. So I make errors when I'm multi-tasking and stuff- not trying to be rude or anything! wow... I cannot believe that is Charlotte Pressler How did you link our friend lists up like that? If you don't mind me asking. Believe it, Kool Thing. I find it so fascinating that you (sort of) know Meghan Guder and Justin ...even though Cleveland and stuff.. yeah. Suggest Friends feature. Haha!* My message didn't send.. Chuck D Yes. I have that on CD and it is one of the few CD albums I have actually listened to recently. Nice. I had been sorting old CDs. I had a huge collection growing up. 700 still, trying to give away or sell most all of them now. BUT... while looking through these Deans milk crates stacked w/ CDs I found some albums I wanted to rip to my laptop. That one was one of 'em. It's near-by somewhere because I had been playing it through the big speakers. "The Suburbs" by The Arcade Fire over and over again for years! Try it! I found a buncha old gems and even some tapes.... CD just got really expensive- at least here. 15$+ tax was too much when a vinyl cost the same or less usually cuz I bought a lot at shows. You know whats weird? I never much got into the Arcade Fire. I knew a lot of people who LOVED them. And some people who hated them. I was indifferent. My ex had no opinion and she did help get me into a lot of music I had kind of shunned before.... more just because I didn't give the entire body of work a thorough listen. But at the same time, The Arcade Fire is one of those polarizing bands for me in the sense that what I have heard I just don't know if I like or not. I haven't heard enough... They're like Wilco in the polarizing way... I like a lot of Wilco, but some of it I don't like. I don't know what to make of them. Only I've heard a TON of Wilco stuff compared to TAF just ..probably because of Tweedy/Chicago/etc. I dont own a single Wilco album even, but it's so easy to recognize their tunes now... Chicago loves 'em Vinyl Listi %8.98 vs CD List $15.98. But yeah. I'd take some Arcade Fire recommendations for sure. I'm on tghe hunt for some new tunes. I know! Right?! I buy vinyl for 4$ and sometimes they're limited pressings even. If I can find a limited to 56 on green wax of something for approx 7$US (it was GBP, around 2-3 GBP... so I guess 6-8 bucks maybe, I'm bad at conversion rates).... I'd take that ANY day of the week! I keep a discogs account and am still trying to update it with everything I own on vinyl and the important releases on tape and CD that I still enjoy. I admit I am a pretty crazy weirdo collector with that stuff! Neat-O. Do you collect anything? Vinyl or CD or Tapes I mean? Comic Books Rad! FavoriteS? Yeah! And I'm looking into buying back some Meatcake... I let my ex keep a ton. I hear there's a comp. now? 1960s Teen Titans in mint condition! Slutburger Is it best to buy straight from Dame Darcy's etsy? I don't have an etsy account of my own, so I haven't bought anything yet! It's been silly. I have put it off forever even though DD has so many things I'd like to buy and I have a decent chunk of disposable income right now just because I moved and am saving money at the moment as a result. I wanted t obuy some meatcake. If you like Meatcake, that is. I just dunno where to buy them now save for eBay and I don't like buying from re-sale. Red Meat is awesome ever read those? Neat Stuff, Yummyy Fur I liked Doonesbury for awhile... had a huge compilation book that was autographed. I gave it to my father as a gift, if I remember right. I'll have to look into all of this! Yes, direct from artist is best. please remind me if I forget, haha. I agree completely. I pissed someone off on eBay once. But totally did not mean to! yeh They were selling Rollerderby for about $20 for some editions I have 2-3 copies of just because Lisa has sent me doubles once or twice here or there.. and I have someee old ones my ex doesn't have and some that just survived or I'll find in a stack of old stuff. Hell I have old cosmos even from ages ago, and a Latoya Jackson Playboy somewhere... even a Vanna White one! I keep weird mags. But anywho, I have some of these RD copies, and the guy is selling 'em for liek $20 a piece. I just kind of asked him if he was affiliated w/ Suckdog or Lisa in some way or another (he had Suckdog stuff up, I think thats how I found his page.. and Dame Darcy Meatcake, and maybe Maximum RNR or Forced Exposure zines too...) ..and I asked whhy his were so much more than her sales. I wasn't trying to be rude at all but I don't want to buy bootlegs and one time I bought a 'zine that someone just xeroxed a copy of and re-sold. I've bought manuals to 4tracks that people made on their own. It's annoying but I was naive w/ the manual, my own fault.... though whenever I buy a zine, I make sure that it isn't someone selling bootlegs. That's all I really wanna make sure. I don't wanna buy a xeroxed copy and I've done that once for marked up value. The guy got all pissed and took it personally, and started talking about how I wasn't there when they had no money and he was and yada yada. I apologized and explained I just didn't wanna shill money out for bootlegs... he was coool then. lol But I noticed Dame Darcy sells a lot of stuff on etsy and I shared an account w/ someone. Don't have my own. I really wanna buy from her store, though. I bought a new copy of Dancing Queen today.... only 5 and signed. That's why I like buying from the artists or writers straight-up. Plus it has been so cool meeting some of the people on Lisa's facebook. Lots of fun discussion and good folks. Mint condition copies of your local free weekly HIGHLY collectible! hahaha LISA CARVER IS THE BEST. You know what I loved as a kid? I dunno how you feel about them as comics or what, but I loved Calvin & Hobbes. I think it was more because it reminded/reminds me of some family members from downstate IL and stuff. But I loved those so much as a kiddo. I read every single one and then bought any archive or double-copy I could find and read those too, even if it only had a few things I hadn't read before. Lisa Carver is amazing. Finding her on eBay was the best. And then we shared a story about Bloody Mess and his crimping iron. I was born 1965. It was so fucking funny, cuz I bought from Bloody Mess on eBay once or twice and while he was nice, I totally laugh everry time I think of that RD article on tough guy rockers Peanuts was my strip. So when she brought it up I about DIED laughing cuz i had almost forgotten about it. I love Peanuts!!! I kno Bloody Wounds not Bloody Mess, Mess. For a minute I would save two from the Funnies.. and sometimes I will still.. but it got to the point where I just saved the funnies each week, and got too lazy to clip them out... but I would take scissors and clip Peanuts and Garfield. Each week as recent as maybe..2010? 2009? I dunno... 3-5 years ago I did it a lot. I had so many and then my cat pissed on a pile and I kind of stopped hehe Bloody Mess was a GG Allin acolyte. He kind of sucks. Nice dude to me personally, but he is a cornball. And he lit his hair on fire. It was part of his act... so the idea of him crimping it has ALWAYS made me laugh so so hard. When Lisa mentioned it out of the blue in a message on eBay we started chatting more and then I finally wound up on here adding here haha. adding her* I was out of touch w/The Scene for a couple years in the 90s. Bloody Mess was from Peoria, IL too and I have been there a lot so hes kinda an IL dude I guess? Yeah he was 80s Well in Il then with GG. Chicago. I'm Cinti. He's Oregon-based now or something. Yeah I dig it. You have been to Bogarts ever? errr. Have you ever been to Bogart's? og course sux That first question was so grammatically incorrect.. haha YES of it looks sooo bad It's likee the vic I bet The vic reminds me of what bogart's looks like and what friends have told me. Jockey club Top Hit Sudsy's Seems like a steaming pile of shit, how is it still standing?! Bogart's that is Sudsy Malone's Plaza What's that?? The notable Cinti. clubs since early 80s I have never been to CLE... I lived with someone who had JUST moved here from Ohio, but she was only there for a little bit I think. So she didn't have much to tell. Justin and Meghan I have known for 2 or 3 yrs maybe... and I plan on going to Ohio to visit them this summer or sooner... was supposed to see Justin's new band one of these past 3 days. Does he know who you are or does Meghan? Bogart's is horrible. The worst. Ahh cool. Chicago's best? IMO? What would you consider good.. bigger clubs or smaller ones? Small okay, same. I booked for mpshows.com for a minute, a chicago robbery aka booking company And they stopped booking at the cool venues but Bottom Lounge, Empty Bottle, Beat Kitchen (even tho the shows there now kind of aren't the stuff I dig), Deagan music before it closed down... pk those were some favorites. ok the vic is a dump, the metro sucks the exit is cool i guess. forgot about that place. kinda tame now. i left my sesame stret umbrella there 2 halloweens ago. depressing. steet street Gah. It's really nice to know some people in the area at least, so I accepted most of the requests who sent me one. I may be moving to CLE or somewhere in Ohio anyway sometime later this year. CLE, Boston, and for a second CAL but that's off the list. CLE BOS and maybe, possibly FLa but doubt it. I wanna move somewhere for a year, one of those places. real bad. How affordable is apartments and stuff? $500/mo. nice mo. Damn! that rules! What size? 2 bedroom I'm looking for 1-bedroom but I stayed in a studio in Chicago and I don't even wanna name the price now. Holy fuck. Wow. I hate our costly city. ok I could spend $200+ on fun stuff, and have 2 BEDROOMS. Next thing you're gonna tell me is the apartments usually have 2 bathrooms to. too* No. My ex and I just needed a small studio for a year, but wow, do i ever realize how much we were getting rammed. Yeah. Nice place and ice area but it was such a rip in retrospect.... Chicago is like that though I guess. My friend in ohio told me it was cheap, but 500 for a 2/br is amazing. Chicago is the gual for avd. modi-class Cincinnatians. goal haha! avg. You know what I read not too long ago? Michigan or rather Detroit is like Cleveland on steroids. Someone said that. And man I couldn't agree more. I love Detroit. it sounds so true. And I have never been to CLE But it just seems like a nice description. Cleveland is great. I have been thru DET once I think. Never stopped. I'd love to visit. Yeah I wanna move there for a bit before it's too late and I have to near my youngest brother, or in Chicago for awhile anyway. Ann Arbor! Yes!! Destroy All Monsters! AWESOME band. Yes. So so awesome I them so much one of the best... CLE and Ann Arbor... they have produced some of my favorite musicians ever... Kick Out The Jams Motherfuckers! Dead Boys.. Laughner.... DAM...Wayne fucking Kramer, YES ever listen to Wayne and Johnny Thunders' bootleg gig? Gang War it's so good Dead Boys Laughner Cramps etc. cLE If you're a Johnny fan at all you cannot go wrong.. Wayne is great. Sings on one or two. Some good covers, some Johnny classics, maybe a dolls song or two... Dead Boys Dead Boys are one of my favorites. Stiv is/was amazing. I am in the process of making a video w. stiv and johnny. Just being so lazy.... I have to splice it. Johnny is NYC I know, but The video has a point beside the areas I always associate the two dudes too admittedly they were good friends. I wish the two of them + Dee Dee really did get to put out that Whores of Babylon album, but it was mostly Stiv and session musicians. I love Stiv's memorial gig... but it is so depressing... Cinti. is Charles Manson's birthplace. Cheetah is crying it's weird to see Cheetah cry I guess. yeh Johnny's eyes are the size of dinner plates- as usual- but he is on... Point of my video New York Dolls decimated! someone asks Johnny... the video starts and Johnny just tells the guy "I hope this isnt another boring interview about drugs" and it totally winds up being one. the guy asks johnny what if you die? and johnny goes, "What if you die?" ... "but I don't do drugs." "So what? What if you get hit by a car?" ... or something to that effect; circa 1982 or 83.... Our horrible best known band is prob. the fucking AFGHAN WHIGS. flash forward to stiv and paris...sigh. Johnny knew a thing or two. Even if I am currently rehabbing my own drug problems. Hit by a car like Nico in Paris. Yep. Just like Johnny says in this interview. CIA I want to compile the clip with some Stiv footage... And memorial footage. OK I don''t condone drugs or use but I also think Johnny was killed. ONLY rockstar myth death thing I buy into a lot. Well Brian Jones too lol I think he was just shoved in a pool and too high to swim. If that's murdeer then yeah... Cobain? Eh.... I buy one thing possibly Maaaybe dylan carlson shot him up and he didn't wake up He was NOT suicidal! And dylan + courtney set it up I also find the Allen wrench theory odd you ever hear that one? I found a geocities type of page that explains it in entirety and it is interesting I'm not a courtney hater though to be fair I love Courtney Love no matter what. I wonder if possibly dylan shot him up and they didnt want him to look like another dead junkie and they covered it up. Accidental overdose coverup. But I dunno. I grew up and loved Nirvana and I try not to think about it. It made me sad at one point... but so many rockstars have come and gone and shit. Me too The one death I truly am bummed about to this day is Johnny's because of how versatile his music was and he had seemed to be cleaning up when he died. Dee Dee said it was a meth deal gone bad. He was on meth maitenence. His fuckin' body was shaped like a U when rigor mortis set in and the hotel room ramshackled. I used to own everything incl. every bootkleg and cassette release by her. Endlrss;y endlessly entertraining. I could lsten to "Live Through This" for 5 years non-ay.stop anyd I find the whole Manic Preachers thing interesting too the dude disappearing- Richey but he killed himself. Jumper, me thinks. I saw him. He was great. 1985 or 6. He would have been ID'd if he was alive! That big scar on his arm from the 4 REAL photoshoot thing alone is ID-able. I have never gotten a tat or anything because I have this weird feeling one day I may need to vanish. I have scars that could be id'd on me though and that is so easy to recognize, he would have been noticed by someone for it if he was out there. Theres' a better chance 2pac is alive than Richey Edwards... but that fascinated me until he was declared officially dead. if you ever want some Hole CDs I nave no scar piercing or tat I could mail you some for free. Legit. yes I have some old sngles singles* ok The only one I really like is the slit-wrist one because I love that covder. hah. cover* i'll send you comix I gotta find 'em but I totally would send em rad! I could even part w/ the slit wrist one probabyl haha love that scar cover I gotta find them before I move. I'm trying to unload a lot of these CDs. ok I have similar tunes, i.e. Babes in Toyland and L7. yes! if you like anything like that. I generally am not tied to any of my CD collection at this point save stuff I've bought in the past 2-3 yrs she auditioned with babes in toyland You know I'll try to add some of my CD collection to discogs.com my account and stuff, and you can let me know what sutff you dig and I'll put it aside ) yeah! ok Kat rules too Babes in toyland is good or are? I think they brokeup i love the USPS! i remember Betty Blowtorch too.. reminded me of BIY..rip goog/gone me too haha I lived right next to a post office in andersonville my old apt. kat bjelland! now it's a bit further yes! I cant spell her last name so i didn't try hehe I saw the Slits live before one of their main mebers passed away right before, or a year before maybe.. not too long before They were reunited I think maybe? john rotten's step-daughter born in Germany. yes I still cant believe how many people have gone in recent yrs even. Poly Styrene... shit.. i always forget.. it's sad. middle age is tuff Thats why I cant get hung up on one said death i.e. a Cobain even if I loved Nirvana middle age Johnny T. though depresses me. His music was so versatile, even the cabaret album he did I love luvved Nirvana i wish he was still alive and peter Laughner he was unbelievable and did so much in his timespan Ain't It Fun.. the intro dedicated to Jane Scott yes that gives me CHILLS she died in 2011 96!!! it was prophetic Laughner > Dylan as far as I'm concerned and I hate making statements like that but he was an unreal talent. i think i own his complete recording on a fucking computer dvd disc just an amazing songwriter and I even like his version of Alll Along... more than Jimi's... I have so many bootlegs I can't even keep track i have take a guitar player for a ride take the* dylan almost died in 1966 CIA again on CD somewhere but I dunno where... i have it all in mp3 now You ever read the book about Mary Pinot? I think that was her name... I might be off now I Hate MP3s Heaed of it. it's a JFK book about the CIA assassination about his last mistress Yes. i didn't mean to put that 2nd about I wanna read that book if it's any good. looked intriguing. i like kennedy stuff... err I am the son og JFK. Not kidding. jfk mainly JFK hahaha You went down in that plan?!~ plane?! Miss January 1962 mother I remember that happening, too. so much crazy stuff w/ that fam. A lot of people I know are fascinated by 'em Merle Pertile 1941-97 USA my mother No way! I gotta look this up! I believe you JFK illegitimate father Not Kidding. Wow... holy cow... I believe you. That's insane. The coincidences within our convo. Just the CLE connection even. Too cool! I live close to the Gacy plot? hah. I feel like I have no more cool stuff to top that. I look like a fucking sort of like a Kennedy. That is insane. I knew someone who was obsessed w/ Kennedy stuff... I am an ancestor of uhh the Sinclaires somehow I gotta trace it Sin Claires maybe I forget the spelling. I could find it easy enough, i think Not obs how it is.essed/Kust Not obsessed/\. Just how it is. did your mother really grow up in Indiana/IL? Or was it CAL? I read two different things Adopted in the 60s February 18 The internet is pretty conflicting Ahhh Today Are you Joni's brother?? What is your profession, Jello? Publicist? Clerical worker right now I write a lot. I'm doing clerical work to get by ...temp. job, then I'm going to look for something else when I move. perhaps freelance writing, I'm going to hope I can get lucky and land a gig somewhere or with something. I also have considered moving. and I play the stock market, as sad and embarrassing to admit that can be....