Monday, February 19, 2018


  • At Lawrence, Kansas, dusk, Esther Lustig, singer for the cross-country touring, mildly sensational rock music act, American Movie Star, all the way from Worthlessville, Ohio, as seen in the pages of FLIPSIDE and MAXIMUM ROCKNROLL fanzines, MRR calling Esther "A stereotypical girl bass player and stereotypical girl singer combined" in the Cincinnati Scene Report while FLIPSIDE wrote, "This group is a puzzle and almost not pointless." July, one hundred degrees Fahrenheit, Esther smoked a cigarette in the stage doorway of Chim Chim's, a former disco and slum of a nightclub. The crowd was half punks, half various kinds of college kids. A boy stood nearby, shooting sidelong looks, he was cute enough or whatever.

Nothing happened for hours until Esther stood on stage. Now, something was happening. She sang "Harmless" first, so fun to pretend to be a killer! After the song, she launched into an incoherent tirade, "So very predictable, slamming at the rock show, I mean, what, tell me, what is the point of this? Entertainment is only Death Culture. Let's be pointless together, we may as well be vampires or victims, dunno, nothing to play, but it's OK, we play anyway." Thinking how lame all that was, she counted four and American Movie Star ruled the world again, like always.

At 2 a.m., drunk on  ten quick cans of beer, Esther and the Mystery Kid, sucked and fucked, writhing, slippery, enthralled and both world-class kissers which is always nice. At an all-night diner at 4, the two happily babbled and chain-smoked and the sun came up and she never saw him again and that was perfectly great. There was a kid back home named Dash, she loved him with all her heart and all, but staying true at this point seemed impossible. By far the most important thing to Esther was avoiding sexually transmitted diseases, and so far she always had. Esther was clean and she always would be, she was determined.

Back in the van at 8, the boys were cool like cool cousins, and now it was finally raining. And "The Happiest Girl in the Whole USA" was on the radio. Everything was pretty nice. Super nice, really.

Friday, February 9, 2018


Stalkers and Serial Killers are Easy Prey for Our Superstars. Mystery Men and Baby Dolls and Punks and Punk Rockers, All are Dispatched with a Disarming Alacrity. The Cute, the Lovable, None of You are America's Favorite Pastime (What is? Swinging Baseball Bats at Random Skulls?) My Loveliness I Wear Like a Death-Mask and for Religion I Worship a Corpse on a Cross.

I am Sporty Spice. I Fade and Glow.

Monday, January 1, 2018


Sue stood under the marquee of the Plush Pussy while sleet screamed down on Super Street. She scanned the poster case: SEE NIPPLES OR DIE was the feelie now playing, a ten-minute loop of "Unknown Dee-Lite" accompanied by the new, secret hallucinogenic vapor pumped into the auditorium. She was not a feelie freak. No. Sue was an Abortionist.

Sleet slowing, Sue walked on, the only pedestrian on the street at 8 p.m. The broken moving sidewalks were endless trip-hazards, walking was "out". Everything was "out" except gazing, watching, and staring. Books had faded out fifty years ago. Now people made a body "do the do" and not much else. A See 'n' Say planet.

There's no story to tell here, this is nothing. Carolyn Sue is the last cool person on Earth and Normies want abortions and Sue is the only non-murdering provider in a city of 100 million. Nice.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

BFR College Football National Champions: UCF Knights!

This week's BFR – final edition: Broadcast Football Rankings – December 5, 2017

1. UCF Knights
2. Clemson Tigers
3. Oklahoma Sooners
4. Georgia Bulldogs
5. Ohio State Buckeyes
6. Wisconsin Badgers
7. Auburn Tigers
8. Alabama Crimson Tide
9. Southern California Trojans
10. TCU Horned Frogs
11. Miami Hurricanes
12. Penn State Nittany Lions
13. Washington Huskies
14. Stanford Cardinal
15. Memphis Tigers
16. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
17. Oklahoma State Cowboys
18. Boise State Broncos
19. Michigan State Spartans
20. Virginia Tech Hokies
21. LSU Tigers
22. Northwestern Wildcats
23. South Florida Bulls
24. Washington State Cougars
25. Michigan Wolverines

The bogus college football playoff selection committee was able to come up with the final rankings, playoff selections, and bowl selections mere hours after the last game was played, which doesn't allow much time for deliberation – but was necessary so they could have their Sunday extravaganza on ESPN. Our guess is that the most important considerations involved some briefcases full of cash and a lot of influence by ESPN and their advertisers, as all but about 5 minor bowl games are on ESPN. Eventually they will figure out how to reduce the whole thing to a gigantic Las Vegas video game, so there will be no human element or actual chance involved at all. You have to ask yourself why human beings want to become robots with no free will; a lot of handwringing has been done about artificial intelligence lately—computers taking on the qualities of humans, but no once seems to be worried that humans are losing any ability to deal with or willingness to accept any scenario that is not according to script.

As sad as the college football playoff system has turned out to be, this year had some pretty clear-cut top teams, but the real baffling inclusion was that of Alabama. Since schedules are determined years in advance (something else that would do well to change) it is not entirely Alabama's fault that their schedule was so weak this year; who would have guessed that teams like Florida State, LSU, Tennessee, Mississippi, Mississippi State, Arkansas, and Texas A&M would have become so weak? Of course, scheduling teams like Mercer, that could be something they improve in the future. Regardless, they were able to dominate weak teams all year, but other than that, just why is it that there is a consensus that Alabama is just better than everyone else on every level, even plagued with injuries this year (again, unfortunate and not their fault). I have always loved Alabama football tradition, but I loved them more when they were fun to watch, and not a product of the tight-ass, crybaby conservatism of Nick Saban. My theory on why Alabama was slipped into the fourth playoff spot was that whoever is in charge didn't want to hear him whine, and it's likely he even threatened to retire, and no one wants that, not even me. Anyway, the point is, if you happen to be someone shelling out a lot of money for cable TV, where is that money going?—and as you watch the endless commercials during these games, where is that money going?—and when you see the well-dressed football teams, wearing gloves—essentially advertisements for sports apparel companies—that actually hinder their performance—where is all that money going? Corruption is a word that does not begin to suffice.

On a happier note, congratulations to The University of Central Florida Knights—the BFR 2017 National Champions. Their last two games (against South Florida and Memphis) were the two most exciting games of the entire season. Two years ago the Knights went 0-12, and this year, undefeated. It is really unfortunate that the biased, greedhead collage football ranking know-it-alls are unable to even consider that a team not from one of the big money conferences could actually be competitive, much less on the top of the college football world—they act like the divide between the SEC and the AAC is similar to the divide between college and the NFL. This makes no sense, and it's not like there are not always some really poorly performing teams in the “power conferences.” One of the more disappointing things about this mentality is how coaches will jump from these “lesser” programs to an “elite” program, which constantly puts the schools that don't have deep pockets at a disadvantage. I could go on and on, of course, but a rule of mine is I cannot stay on my soapbox longer than I am able to stand on one leg—and I'm about to collapse. So another heartfelt cheer for the UCF Knights, who, to those who were paying attention, showed the college football world how it's done, and how this sport can be filled with excitement, passion, and joy. --H. Houndstooth.

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.28.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 28, 2017

1. Wisconsin Badgers
2. UCF Knights
3. Clemson Tigers
4. Oklahoma Sooners
5. Auburn Tigers
6. Georgia Bulldogs
7. Alabama Crimson Tide
8. Miami Hurricanes
9. Ohio State Buckeyes
10. TCU Horned Frogs
11. Memphis Tigers
12. Penn State Nittany Lions
13. Stanford Cardinal
14. Southern California Trojans
15. Washington Huskies
16. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
17. Oklahoma State Cowboys
18. Michigan State Spartans
19. Virginia Tech Hokies
20. LSU Tigers
21. Northwestern Wildcats
22. South Florida Bulls
23. Michigan Wolverines
24. Washington State Cougars
25. Boise State Broncos

Only a handful of games left this weekend before the BFR determines the BFR National Champion and Top 25, but it's still totally up in the air, so that's kind of exciting! The Collage Football Playoffs has become a fiasco and has to change. It is our opinion that were better off with smaller conferences and no conference championship games, and the traditional bowl games (broadcast on TV) at the end of the season, after which different entities crowned their national champion. Of course, there is always a lot of disagreement. I hate to break the news here, but there's always going to be a lot of disagreement anyway. But for some reason it's important for sports-fan morons to have an “undisputed” champion, so how about this system? Go back to the traditional bowl games (I mean, bowl games that don't double as playoff games) after which a/“The” committee can pick the top 32 teams to enter in a football tournament starting in January. Each of these match-ups will be best of seven, in order to have a more fair determination of the “better team.” We should, if spaced properly, be able to determine the national champion by the end of the school year. Players can then enter the NFL draft or take a much needed summer off to recuperate. --H. Houndstooth.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

DRINKING THE KOOL-AID by Cleophus Beasley

Jim Jones Party
Current mood: chipper
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Several friends of mine and I actually did this in the early Summer 1991...

Items needed fer a Jim Jones Party:

1. Several packets of grape Kool-Aid
2. Water soluble benzodiazapine tranquilizers (We used Ativan), crushed
3. Sugar
4. Punchbowl
5. Dixie Cups
6. Ladle (Optional)
7. One copy of "Guyana Tragedy" (Ours was a VHS tape)
8. Space on the floor to lay down on
9. TV
10. VCR (To play the video)

On a kitchen counter, in a punchbowl, combine all of the grape Kool-Aid mix with sugar (To taste), crushed up Ativans, and the appropriate amount of water. Stir. Arrange the Dixie Cups on the kitchen counter in neat rows. Pour the Kool-Aid into the Dixie Cups, using the ladle, until gone. Fast forward the movie towards the end, to the mass suicide part, then hit "play". Have guests drink the Kool-Aid while watching the movie. Once the Kool-Aid kicks in, enthusiastically urge party patrons to lay down on the floor. Fer added shock effect, arrange fer other people to come over to the party later, after everyone is passed out on the floor, to make the "discovery"!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.21.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 21, 2017

1. Miami Hurricanes
2. Wisconsin Badgers
3. Alabama Crimson Tide
4. UCF Knights
5. Clemson Tigers
6. Oklahoma Sooners
7. Auburn Tigers
8. Georgia Bulldogs
9. Ohio State Buckeyes
10. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
11. TCU Horned Frogs
12. Southern California Trojans
13. Memphis Tigers
14. Penn State Nittany Lions
15. South Florida Bulls
16. Mississippi State Bulldogs
17. Stanford Cardinal
18. Washington Huskies
19. Washington State Cougars
20. Michigan State Spartans
21. Oklahoma State Cowboys
22. Boise State Broncos
23. Michigan Wolverines
24. LSU Tigers
25. Virginia Tech Hokies

Only two weeks left in the college football season and until the crowning of the National Champion by the BFR. For most teams, who will not be playing in their conference championship games, this coming weekend is the last, so everyone make the most of it! Sad but true, it's almost over. At least college football is still alive, but just barely. With the mainstream media's constant obsession with the bogus college football playoffs and the ESPN Bowl Series, you would think the season hasn't even started. With the media's connection to and focus on sports gambling, you'd think the most important outcome is how much money you will win or lose with your bookie. Vegas, pay-cable broadcasting, and the obsession with “playoffs,” trophies, and awards, have already killed pro football and basketball (I'd say baseball, too, but at least the World Series is still on TV), as well as the NCAA basketball tournament (or at least nearly ruined it), and even tennis (now ESPN only) and NASCAR (about half on cable). That leaves us golf, and the collage football regular season, but what will the future hold, in the hands of these greedy bastards? Enough of my hot air, now, and hopefully the last two weeks will be exciting! --H. Houndstooth 

Thursday, November 16, 2017


I could never be a modern gal. The only useful context I have is pre-modern or mythical. My inundated notion of the Modernists, though always charming in the conception of their novelty, is one of a linear self-narrative which begins at their end. A novel in which the end is known and the events are divulged incrementally, not lavishly, in contrived retrospect----leading of course to the conclusion of the subject.

I am a lover of science----as it organizes the gathered information of our context. As an etiology of life it leaves me cold and shivering in the darkness. The three year old can see and feel Helios' Steed running across the sky, while any modern explanation----of measurements, of time, of endings----seems absurd. The theme of my life is ancient, the stuff of whims and accidents and misunderstandings where everything changes in a moment--joy or agony beyond understanding, yet so known, familiar, and eternal. Modernity is a Sergeant who has not earned his stripes, but exercises his authority with contrived authenticity. (I think you have earned your stripes.)

Pointless----of course! Purposeful and impossible----not sure. Fun/Horrifying--are these the same thing?


Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.14.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 14, 2017

1. Miami Hurricanes
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Wisconsin Badgers
4. Clemson Tigers
5. Oklahoma Sooners
6. Auburn Tigers
7. UCF Knights
8. Georgia Bulldogs
9. Ohio State Buckeyes
10. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
11. Southern California Trojans
12. TCU Horned Frogs
13. Oklahoma State Cowboys
14. Penn State Nittany Lions
15. Mississippi State Bulldogs
16. Memphis Tigers
17. Washington State Cougars
18. Michigan Wolverines
19. South Florida Bulls
20. Washington Huskies
21. North Carolina State Wolfpack
22. Virginia Tech Hokies
23. West Virginia Mountaineers
24. Michigan State Spartans
25. Stanford Cardinal

The college football season started off with hurricanes postponing and cancelling games and it has ended with the Hurricanes on top. But wait, there are still three weeks left before we crown a National Champion, and anything can happen. Many teams have only two games left, so it's time to make the most of it. Then a few will play in conference championships and have the opportunity to either pull themselves up or fail miserably. Predictions for this week: Mercer pulls off the upset of the year at Alabama. Miami and Wisconsin finally lose a game, and Georgia, Notre Dame, and Washington all continue their late season collapses. UCF moves to the top of the rankings. Nick Saban continues to whine. --H. Houndstooth.

Saturday, November 11, 2017


I'm more social nowadays. I go out for drinks or lunch w/a group of people and usually come home feeling vaguely dissatisfied w/my presentation of self. I think I still play so many games, cryptic and enigmatic, then didactic and proclaiming, dismissing other people's opinions, acting like I have the last word on things...but in the moment I am at ease, I don't become self-conscious til I analyze the evening retrospectively. I think that's ok in a way; if you're going to be brusque and provocative and center-staging it seems better to do it w/bravado and save the self-recriminations for later. I guess the bottom line is I'm not only still not letting people "see" me, I'm getting to enjoy it and going out of my way to dramatize my mystique. I've got like 10 wigs in various styles and colors, my wardrobe is more indescribable than ever...I'm not sure what all the fuss is about regarding the public image, but I know it is more polished and deliberate than ever. Which befits a woman of my age, but still there's something lost along the way.

I still have times where I am the only one in a crowd who acts, as you once so aptly put it, "as if a bomb just went off."

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 11.7.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – November 7, 2017

1. Georgia Bulldogs
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
4. Wisconsin Badgers
5. Miami Hurricanes
6. Clemson Tigers
7. Oklahoma Sooners
8. TCU Horned Frogs
9. UCF Knights
10. Washington Huskies
11. Memphis Tigers
12. Southern California Trojans
13. Auburn Tigers
14. Washington State Cougars
15. Ohio State Buckeyes
16. Penn State Nittany Lions
17. Virginia Tech Hokies
18. Oklahoma State Cowboys
19. Michigan State Spartans
20. South Florida Bulls
21. Michigan Wolverines
22. Mississippi State Bulldogs
23. North Carolina State Wolfpack
24. Iowa Hawkeyes
25. West Virginia Mountaineers

With only three weeks left in the regular season, the college football Broadcast Football Rankings are pretty much locked—time to name a National Champion (Alabama—so we won't have to listen to Nick Saban whine) and a Heisman Trophy winner (Baker Mayfield—because he is a duel sports guy (NASCAR)). Time to say goodbye to college football for the year and move on to ice hockey. You know I'm kidding, right? --H. Houndstooth

Wednesday, November 1, 2017


John was alone these past seven weeks, his wife Betty gone to El Salvador with game-show host Bob Barker. He now had the heart of a killer, but thankfully the manners of a civilized man.

In a seedy bar in a supposedly dangerous district on an early Friday night, John studies the jukebox while cops battle winos out front and inside opiates and cash are exchanged and everywhere a noise---his songs having played John exits into the park, pretty pointless park, and eyes the bright lights of downtown. High on noise, John walks like a zombie toward the pretty lights

The sight of a bank of payphones wakes him to the fact that he could use allies. After a number of calls he convinces comrade Paul to show up at some stupid disco-overdrive club in an hour. Receiver back in its cradle, stripped of his zombiehood, John stares at a blank wall while he searches his pockets. Finding some pills, he gratefully pops them and drifts toward the river, waiting for the buzz or whatever.

Later at the disco, John drinks cocktails and stares around at the girls and their dresses until Paul is at his side, muttering who-knows-what, but John is glad for his company.

Now it is late on a random Friday night and John is intent on finding a face, a voice, a dress like Betty's and this is hopeless, he muddily reasons, she's in El Salvador and Ohio can't compete with that, so let's find a fresh-faced girl we can lead astray in a couple hours or--- or--- John is standing by the DJ's booth while a robotic sex song plays so loud---John takes the live microphone and all of a sudden he's a 2002 Beatnik---
In a combat zone/Called "I'm-So-At-Home"/Line up for cheap rates on your very own grave!/ Pretty faces, pouty faces, worthless farces/Yet you pay and you pay/For the right to fall into this bed!/No, that bed!/This nightmare won't stop/So I guess I'll walk away
Then, shockingly, the frail-looking DJ throws an effective punch at John's jaw and the wasted young man collapses into Paul's arms. Later, driving north on the Interstate, Paul asks tentative questions about Betty which John answers. Paul announces that they are going to drive all night to Cleveland and John falls asleep happy and calm.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 10.31.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – October 31, 2017

1. Georgia Bulldogs
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
4. Wisconsin Badgers
5. Miami Hurricanes
6. Clemson Tigers
7. Ohio State Buckeyes
8. Oklahoma Sooners
9. Penn State Nittany Lions
10. TCU Horned Frogs
11. UCF Knights
12. Virginia Tech Hokies
13. Washington Huskies
14. Oklahoma State Cowboys
15. Iowa State Cyclones
16. Southern California Trojans
17. LSU Tigers
18. Auburn Tigers
19. Memphis Tigers
20. North Carolina State Wolfpack
21. Stanford Cardinal
22. South Florida Bulls
23. Mississippi State Bulldogs
24. Washington State Cougars
25. Michigan Wolverines

I don't know about you, reader, but these days I'm happier to see Halloween over than even the Christmas holiday. Since when did adults take it over from the kids? In light of all the goofy special uniforms they're wearing in college football these days, we're just lucky we didn't have a team sporting pumpkin head helmets! But seeing how this week's ranking falls on the 31st, I'm going to do a roundup of mascots in our top 25. FOUR Tigers, one Cougar, one Dr. Seuss Lion. Two Bulldogs now, one Husky, and a whole pack of Wolves. Also, Wolverines, Badgers, and a mutant reptile. Two teams named after the color red, though I'm not sure one of them isn't a discontinued laundry product that always made the whites pink. Cowboys, Knights, Bulls, and tree nuts. Two teams named after weather, and one named for an exclamation (Hokies, as far as I can tell). And let's not forget the eternal rivalry between the embattled Catholics and the product almost synonymous with contraception. Last and certainly least, the team named for early agents of genocide (Sooners). Bon appetit! --H. Houndstooth

Monday, October 30, 2017


***Jello Mitchell Chat Conversation Start February 17*** xxx xoxox sweet premium sweet premium you know what THIS IS xerox i have an industrial sized one of them no they call 'em photocopiers now. who knew omg how you do that that is INSANE Wha. Wait nevermind That was so weird dude Pynchon. I got one friend req. and it was like.. uh.. V. I dunno, it popped up as showing I had 238 but I only had received one. and I thought you did a magic trick. LOL first novel 1963 v for Very Big Dick no female wait huh i dunno wht we're tlaking about now! i don't think your message sent. I just saw V. FB chat is very, very buggy on my end I'm not a man. i dont even know if my msgs send. it's weird. prolly why anytime one notification comes up it'll show a bunch msgs,! Ahh, I gotcha. I honestly don't know what anyone is online. My SN is a cat. mgmt.! My cat's name I mean OK mgmt haha i saw them live i think. OK You live in Cleveland? I was supposed to be bussing down there yesterday or today or one of the past 3 days. heh Cincinnati OK ahhh, gotcha. I just saw under yr activity an event in CLE took a wild guess Lived there for 5 yrs. Wow Scott Pickering is mutual friends with my 2 friends from CLE Small world haha. Yeah. You may very well know one or both of 'em too for all i know! I was gonna see his band play. Missed the show. Too sick to take an amtrak this weekend. Not Scott but my friend I mean Yes. Since the 80s. Meg and Justin?! Or Scott? If you know Meg and Justin that is insane! Very small world. Some are frenz of frenz. Darius, is that Charlotte Pressler.. the late Peter Laughner's ex-wife?... I am quite fond of poetry by a person from CLE named Charlotte Pressler.. i think that was her name- but i can't remember... and she is among my FB ads. adds* Yes. Dead at 25. Friend requests. whatevs, I forget what to call 'em, I'm a bad Facebooker. That's his ex wife, the page I'm looking at now? OK i know of Laughner.. he is a huge idol of mine She's a Fla. Prof. now. still single. i was just a little awestruck to see Charlotte Pressler in my friend req. thing, because i was just istening to her and peter's amicable divorce reading a day or two ago.. wow. I loved her work,, the little i have been able to find insane.. i think she might even be under my influences list on this thing with 3 or 4 others OK that's so crazy, i had no idea she'd be a Facebook user or on here. it was so neat to meet eBay on eBay Lisa on eBay* gosh, sorry. My typing is off. I work clerical ...I type a lot and fast. So I make errors when I'm multi-tasking and stuff- not trying to be rude or anything! wow... I cannot believe that is Charlotte Pressler How did you link our friend lists up like that? If you don't mind me asking. Believe it, Kool Thing. I find it so fascinating that you (sort of) know Meghan Guder and Justin ...even though Cleveland and stuff.. yeah. Suggest Friends feature. Haha!* My message didn't send.. Chuck D Yes. I have that on CD and it is one of the few CD albums I have actually listened to recently. Nice. I had been sorting old CDs. I had a huge collection growing up. 700 still, trying to give away or sell most all of them now. BUT... while looking through these Deans milk crates stacked w/ CDs I found some albums I wanted to rip to my laptop. That one was one of 'em. It's near-by somewhere because I had been playing it through the big speakers. "The Suburbs" by The Arcade Fire over and over again for years! Try it! I found a buncha old gems and even some tapes.... CD just got really expensive- at least here. 15$+ tax was too much when a vinyl cost the same or less usually cuz I bought a lot at shows. You know whats weird? I never much got into the Arcade Fire. I knew a lot of people who LOVED them. And some people who hated them. I was indifferent. My ex had no opinion and she did help get me into a lot of music I had kind of shunned before.... more just because I didn't give the entire body of work a thorough listen. But at the same time, The Arcade Fire is one of those polarizing bands for me in the sense that what I have heard I just don't know if I like or not. I haven't heard enough... They're like Wilco in the polarizing way... I like a lot of Wilco, but some of it I don't like. I don't know what to make of them. Only I've heard a TON of Wilco stuff compared to TAF just ..probably because of Tweedy/Chicago/etc. I dont own a single Wilco album even, but it's so easy to recognize their tunes now... Chicago loves 'em Vinyl Listi %8.98 vs CD List $15.98. But yeah. I'd take some Arcade Fire recommendations for sure. I'm on tghe hunt for some new tunes. I know! Right?! I buy vinyl for 4$ and sometimes they're limited pressings even. If I can find a limited to 56 on green wax of something for approx 7$US (it was GBP, around 2-3 GBP... so I guess 6-8 bucks maybe, I'm bad at conversion rates).... I'd take that ANY day of the week! I keep a discogs account and am still trying to update it with everything I own on vinyl and the important releases on tape and CD that I still enjoy. I admit I am a pretty crazy weirdo collector with that stuff! Neat-O. Do you collect anything? Vinyl or CD or Tapes I mean? Comic Books Rad! FavoriteS? Yeah! And I'm looking into buying back some Meatcake... I let my ex keep a ton. I hear there's a comp. now? 1960s Teen Titans in mint condition! Slutburger Is it best to buy straight from Dame Darcy's etsy? I don't have an etsy account of my own, so I haven't bought anything yet! It's been silly. I have put it off forever even though DD has so many things I'd like to buy and I have a decent chunk of disposable income right now just because I moved and am saving money at the moment as a result. I wanted t obuy some meatcake. If you like Meatcake, that is. I just dunno where to buy them now save for eBay and I don't like buying from re-sale. Red Meat is awesome ever read those? Neat Stuff, Yummyy Fur I liked Doonesbury for awhile... had a huge compilation book that was autographed. I gave it to my father as a gift, if I remember right. I'll have to look into all of this! Yes, direct from artist is best. please remind me if I forget, haha. I agree completely. I pissed someone off on eBay once. But totally did not mean to! yeh They were selling Rollerderby for about $20 for some editions I have 2-3 copies of just because Lisa has sent me doubles once or twice here or there.. and I have someee old ones my ex doesn't have and some that just survived or I'll find in a stack of old stuff. Hell I have old cosmos even from ages ago, and a Latoya Jackson Playboy somewhere... even a Vanna White one! I keep weird mags. But anywho, I have some of these RD copies, and the guy is selling 'em for liek $20 a piece. I just kind of asked him if he was affiliated w/ Suckdog or Lisa in some way or another (he had Suckdog stuff up, I think thats how I found his page.. and Dame Darcy Meatcake, and maybe Maximum RNR or Forced Exposure zines too...) ..and I asked whhy his were so much more than her sales. I wasn't trying to be rude at all but I don't want to buy bootlegs and one time I bought a 'zine that someone just xeroxed a copy of and re-sold. I've bought manuals to 4tracks that people made on their own. It's annoying but I was naive w/ the manual, my own fault.... though whenever I buy a zine, I make sure that it isn't someone selling bootlegs. That's all I really wanna make sure. I don't wanna buy a xeroxed copy and I've done that once for marked up value. The guy got all pissed and took it personally, and started talking about how I wasn't there when they had no money and he was and yada yada. I apologized and explained I just didn't wanna shill money out for bootlegs... he was coool then. lol But I noticed Dame Darcy sells a lot of stuff on etsy and I shared an account w/ someone. Don't have my own. I really wanna buy from her store, though. I bought a new copy of Dancing Queen today.... only 5 and signed. That's why I like buying from the artists or writers straight-up. Plus it has been so cool meeting some of the people on Lisa's facebook. Lots of fun discussion and good folks. Mint condition copies of your local free weekly HIGHLY collectible! hahaha LISA CARVER IS THE BEST. You know what I loved as a kid? I dunno how you feel about them as comics or what, but I loved Calvin & Hobbes. I think it was more because it reminded/reminds me of some family members from downstate IL and stuff. But I loved those so much as a kiddo. I read every single one and then bought any archive or double-copy I could find and read those too, even if it only had a few things I hadn't read before. Lisa Carver is amazing. Finding her on eBay was the best. And then we shared a story about Bloody Mess and his crimping iron. I was born 1965. It was so fucking funny, cuz I bought from Bloody Mess on eBay once or twice and while he was nice, I totally laugh everry time I think of that RD article on tough guy rockers Peanuts was my strip. So when she brought it up I about DIED laughing cuz i had almost forgotten about it. I love Peanuts!!! I kno Bloody Wounds not Bloody Mess, Mess. For a minute I would save two from the Funnies.. and sometimes I will still.. but it got to the point where I just saved the funnies each week, and got too lazy to clip them out... but I would take scissors and clip Peanuts and Garfield. Each week as recent as maybe..2010? 2009? I dunno... 3-5 years ago I did it a lot. I had so many and then my cat pissed on a pile and I kind of stopped hehe Bloody Mess was a GG Allin acolyte. He kind of sucks. Nice dude to me personally, but he is a cornball. And he lit his hair on fire. It was part of his act... so the idea of him crimping it has ALWAYS made me laugh so so hard. When Lisa mentioned it out of the blue in a message on eBay we started chatting more and then I finally wound up on here adding here haha. adding her* I was out of touch w/The Scene for a couple years in the 90s. Bloody Mess was from Peoria, IL too and I have been there a lot so hes kinda an IL dude I guess? Yeah he was 80s Well in Il then with GG. Chicago. I'm Cinti. He's Oregon-based now or something. Yeah I dig it. You have been to Bogarts ever? errr. Have you ever been to Bogart's? og course sux That first question was so grammatically incorrect.. haha YES of it looks sooo bad It's likee the vic I bet The vic reminds me of what bogart's looks like and what friends have told me. Jockey club Top Hit Sudsy's Seems like a steaming pile of shit, how is it still standing?! Bogart's that is Sudsy Malone's Plaza What's that?? The notable Cinti. clubs since early 80s I have never been to CLE... I lived with someone who had JUST moved here from Ohio, but she was only there for a little bit I think. So she didn't have much to tell. Justin and Meghan I have known for 2 or 3 yrs maybe... and I plan on going to Ohio to visit them this summer or sooner... was supposed to see Justin's new band one of these past 3 days. Does he know who you are or does Meghan? Bogart's is horrible. The worst. Ahh cool. Chicago's best? IMO? What would you consider good.. bigger clubs or smaller ones? Small okay, same. I booked for for a minute, a chicago robbery aka booking company And they stopped booking at the cool venues but Bottom Lounge, Empty Bottle, Beat Kitchen (even tho the shows there now kind of aren't the stuff I dig), Deagan music before it closed down... pk those were some favorites. ok the vic is a dump, the metro sucks the exit is cool i guess. forgot about that place. kinda tame now. i left my sesame stret umbrella there 2 halloweens ago. depressing. steet street Gah. It's really nice to know some people in the area at least, so I accepted most of the requests who sent me one. I may be moving to CLE or somewhere in Ohio anyway sometime later this year. CLE, Boston, and for a second CAL but that's off the list. CLE BOS and maybe, possibly FLa but doubt it. I wanna move somewhere for a year, one of those places. real bad. How affordable is apartments and stuff? $500/mo. nice mo. Damn! that rules! What size? 2 bedroom I'm looking for 1-bedroom but I stayed in a studio in Chicago and I don't even wanna name the price now. Holy fuck. Wow. I hate our costly city. ok I could spend $200+ on fun stuff, and have 2 BEDROOMS. Next thing you're gonna tell me is the apartments usually have 2 bathrooms to. too* No. My ex and I just needed a small studio for a year, but wow, do i ever realize how much we were getting rammed. Yeah. Nice place and ice area but it was such a rip in retrospect.... Chicago is like that though I guess. My friend in ohio told me it was cheap, but 500 for a 2/br is amazing. Chicago is the gual for avd. modi-class Cincinnatians. goal haha! avg. You know what I read not too long ago? Michigan or rather Detroit is like Cleveland on steroids. Someone said that. And man I couldn't agree more. I love Detroit. it sounds so true. And I have never been to CLE But it just seems like a nice description. Cleveland is great. I have been thru DET once I think. Never stopped. I'd love to visit. Yeah I wanna move there for a bit before it's too late and I have to near my youngest brother, or in Chicago for awhile anyway. Ann Arbor! Yes!! Destroy All Monsters! AWESOME band. Yes. So so awesome I them so much one of the best... CLE and Ann Arbor... they have produced some of my favorite musicians ever... Kick Out The Jams Motherfuckers! Dead Boys.. Laughner.... DAM...Wayne fucking Kramer, YES ever listen to Wayne and Johnny Thunders' bootleg gig? Gang War it's so good Dead Boys Laughner Cramps etc. cLE If you're a Johnny fan at all you cannot go wrong.. Wayne is great. Sings on one or two. Some good covers, some Johnny classics, maybe a dolls song or two... Dead Boys Dead Boys are one of my favorites. Stiv is/was amazing. I am in the process of making a video w. stiv and johnny. Just being so lazy.... I have to splice it. Johnny is NYC I know, but The video has a point beside the areas I always associate the two dudes too admittedly they were good friends. I wish the two of them + Dee Dee really did get to put out that Whores of Babylon album, but it was mostly Stiv and session musicians. I love Stiv's memorial gig... but it is so depressing... Cinti. is Charles Manson's birthplace. Cheetah is crying it's weird to see Cheetah cry I guess. yeh Johnny's eyes are the size of dinner plates- as usual- but he is on... Point of my video New York Dolls decimated! someone asks Johnny... the video starts and Johnny just tells the guy "I hope this isnt another boring interview about drugs" and it totally winds up being one. the guy asks johnny what if you die? and johnny goes, "What if you die?" ... "but I don't do drugs." "So what? What if you get hit by a car?" ... or something to that effect; circa 1982 or 83.... Our horrible best known band is prob. the fucking AFGHAN WHIGS. flash forward to stiv and paris...sigh. Johnny knew a thing or two. Even if I am currently rehabbing my own drug problems. Hit by a car like Nico in Paris. Yep. Just like Johnny says in this interview. CIA I want to compile the clip with some Stiv footage... And memorial footage. OK I don''t condone drugs or use but I also think Johnny was killed. ONLY rockstar myth death thing I buy into a lot. Well Brian Jones too lol I think he was just shoved in a pool and too high to swim. If that's murdeer then yeah... Cobain? Eh.... I buy one thing possibly Maaaybe dylan carlson shot him up and he didn't wake up He was NOT suicidal! And dylan + courtney set it up I also find the Allen wrench theory odd you ever hear that one? I found a geocities type of page that explains it in entirety and it is interesting I'm not a courtney hater though to be fair I love Courtney Love no matter what. I wonder if possibly dylan shot him up and they didnt want him to look like another dead junkie and they covered it up. Accidental overdose coverup. But I dunno. I grew up and loved Nirvana and I try not to think about it. It made me sad at one point... but so many rockstars have come and gone and shit. Me too The one death I truly am bummed about to this day is Johnny's because of how versatile his music was and he had seemed to be cleaning up when he died. Dee Dee said it was a meth deal gone bad. He was on meth maitenence. His fuckin' body was shaped like a U when rigor mortis set in and the hotel room ramshackled. I used to own everything incl. every bootkleg and cassette release by her. Endlrss;y endlessly entertraining. I could lsten to "Live Through This" for 5 years non-ay.stop anyd I find the whole Manic Preachers thing interesting too the dude disappearing- Richey but he killed himself. Jumper, me thinks. I saw him. He was great. 1985 or 6. He would have been ID'd if he was alive! That big scar on his arm from the 4 REAL photoshoot thing alone is ID-able. I have never gotten a tat or anything because I have this weird feeling one day I may need to vanish. I have scars that could be id'd on me though and that is so easy to recognize, he would have been noticed by someone for it if he was out there. Theres' a better chance 2pac is alive than Richey Edwards... but that fascinated me until he was declared officially dead. if you ever want some Hole CDs I nave no scar piercing or tat I could mail you some for free. Legit. yes I have some old sngles singles* ok The only one I really like is the slit-wrist one because I love that covder. hah. cover* i'll send you comix I gotta find 'em but I totally would send em rad! I could even part w/ the slit wrist one probabyl haha love that scar cover I gotta find them before I move. I'm trying to unload a lot of these CDs. ok I have similar tunes, i.e. Babes in Toyland and L7. yes! if you like anything like that. I generally am not tied to any of my CD collection at this point save stuff I've bought in the past 2-3 yrs she auditioned with babes in toyland You know I'll try to add some of my CD collection to my account and stuff, and you can let me know what sutff you dig and I'll put it aside ) yeah! ok Kat rules too Babes in toyland is good or are? I think they brokeup i love the USPS! i remember Betty Blowtorch too.. reminded me of goog/gone me too haha I lived right next to a post office in andersonville my old apt. kat bjelland! now it's a bit further yes! I cant spell her last name so i didn't try hehe I saw the Slits live before one of their main mebers passed away right before, or a year before maybe.. not too long before They were reunited I think maybe? john rotten's step-daughter born in Germany. yes I still cant believe how many people have gone in recent yrs even. Poly Styrene... shit.. i always forget.. it's sad. middle age is tuff Thats why I cant get hung up on one said death i.e. a Cobain even if I loved Nirvana middle age Johnny T. though depresses me. His music was so versatile, even the cabaret album he did I love luvved Nirvana i wish he was still alive and peter Laughner he was unbelievable and did so much in his timespan Ain't It Fun.. the intro dedicated to Jane Scott yes that gives me CHILLS she died in 2011 96!!! it was prophetic Laughner > Dylan as far as I'm concerned and I hate making statements like that but he was an unreal talent. i think i own his complete recording on a fucking computer dvd disc just an amazing songwriter and I even like his version of Alll Along... more than Jimi's... I have so many bootlegs I can't even keep track i have take a guitar player for a ride take the* dylan almost died in 1966 CIA again on CD somewhere but I dunno where... i have it all in mp3 now You ever read the book about Mary Pinot? I think that was her name... I might be off now I Hate MP3s Heaed of it. it's a JFK book about the CIA assassination about his last mistress Yes. i didn't mean to put that 2nd about I wanna read that book if it's any good. looked intriguing. i like kennedy stuff... err I am the son og JFK. Not kidding. jfk mainly JFK hahaha You went down in that plan?!~ plane?! Miss January 1962 mother I remember that happening, too. so much crazy stuff w/ that fam. A lot of people I know are fascinated by 'em Merle Pertile 1941-97 USA my mother No way! I gotta look this up! I believe you JFK illegitimate father Not Kidding. Wow... holy cow... I believe you. That's insane. The coincidences within our convo. Just the CLE connection even. Too cool! I live close to the Gacy plot? hah. I feel like I have no more cool stuff to top that. I look like a fucking sort of like a Kennedy. That is insane. I knew someone who was obsessed w/ Kennedy stuff... I am an ancestor of uhh the Sinclaires somehow I gotta trace it Sin Claires maybe I forget the spelling. I could find it easy enough, i think Not obs how it is.essed/Kust Not obsessed/\. Just how it is. did your mother really grow up in Indiana/IL? Or was it CAL? I read two different things Adopted in the 60s February 18 The internet is pretty conflicting Ahhh Today Are you Joni's brother?? What is your profession, Jello? Publicist? Clerical worker right now I write a lot. I'm doing clerical work to get by ...temp. job, then I'm going to look for something else when I move. perhaps freelance writing, I'm going to hope I can get lucky and land a gig somewhere or with something. I also have considered moving. and I play the stock market, as sad and embarrassing to admit that can be....

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 10.24.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – October 24, 2017

1. Penn State Nittany Lions
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Georgia Bulldogs
4. TCU Horned Frogs
5. Wisconsin Badgers
6. South Florida Bulls
7. Miami Hurricanes
8. UCF Knights
9. Clemson Tigers
10. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
11. Ohio State Buckeyes
12. Washington State Cougars
13. Virginia Tech Hokies
14. Oklahoma Sooners
15. Washington Huskies
16. LSU Tigers
17. Auburn Tigers
18. Oklahoma State Cowboys
19. Michigan State Spartans
20. North Carolina State Wolfpack
21. Stanford Cardinal
22. Southern California Trojans
23. Memphis Tigers
24. Louisville Cardinals
25. Michigan Wolverines

Around six teams in the top 25 had the week off—which is what happens in the middle of the season, I guess. No really huge upsets, but some good football. There are a lot of undefeated teams left, which is pretty impressive at this point. Even if you're not playing great teams, it's not easy to go undefeated for seven or eight games. Even if you're playing no one, it's still tough, because you will eventually beat yourself. I am guessing there might be some big surprises in store before the end of the real football season, and the beginning of the holiday exhibition season that I'll be happy to ignore. --H. Houndstooth

Friday, October 20, 2017


by Randy Russell

EVERYTHING HAD GONE WRONG. I couldn't find a job. And when I did, it was a bad job. My fishing pole broke. The creek filled with sand. My woman run away with another man.

It was a mild winter, though you wouldn't know it by my gas bill, and I didn't freeze to death. I was looking forward to taking the plastic off the windows. The only bad thing, besides everything, was that here it was April already,and there had been no snow. No snow all winter! Snow is what makes winter bearable, and even though this was Columbus, Ohio, and for all nintendo porpoises "The South," still, this was very unusual. And depressing. So when it started snowing that day I stopped what I was doing and jumped up and down at the window like the little kid I hope to be someday.

The next thing I knew I had my full winter gear on, even though it was too warm for it--in the mid-forties (too warm for snow I had thought,) and I was out in it, coming down harder and harder, looking like a damn blizzard even. Where would I go?

To the river, I decided, because water is the important thing, and if there's no ocean or lake, then the river is the thing. I stopped at Andy's Carryout on the way, even though it wasn't on the way, OK, I went out of my way to buy wine. A pint of MD 20/20, even though it was totally unnecessary because I already felt drunk and I already felt high, and what would wine do but make me tired and depressed? But it's habit, maybe, or ritual, better, and maybe important to keep me grounded, at least that person who was me, that year.

Being so warm, the snow was wet as rain, and I was soon soaked, but warm and even sweating, as I was so overdressed. And it was so heavy it stuck to everything and covered everything with ice and slush and actual thick white snow! Including me. I was trudging through snow by the time I got to the river and opened my wine and took a big swig. The wine tasted good even (it was the circumstances) and there was actually steam rising from the river, and it looked unreal, like the river to hell, or in a fairy tale. I started along the trail along the river, exploring, uncovering new territory, land never before seen by the drunken white man.

No one else was out--the world was empty. I would stop now and then and pull out my bottle and take a pull. It would warm me up. I was hot and sweating, and soaked from the snow. At one point I looked across the river, through the heavy mist, and I was lost. There was nothing, no one, no city, and I was rooted in no time period. I screamed across the river. It was silent. I screamed again, as loud as I could. Still no sound except for the snow hitting the trees and the silent power of the river flowing, which I knew.

I started running then, along the trail, going deeper and deeper into the wilderness-- treacherous, dangerous terrain. I slipped andfell--I slid down a snow hill--my foot went in the river. All of that.

Finally it was over. The trail came to an end. The wine ran out. I ran out of gas. The snow lessened, but was still coming down, gently and saner now. I worked my way back to a road. Then through unknown neighborhoods in the direction of home and a hot shower and dry clothes. Back to whatever it was that I was doing. back to where the evening had left off, and all my problems and hardships. But also the project on my desk. The project was the only thing that kept me from suddenly changing into another person day after day.

On my way back I walked past a house where someone was out amazed by the snow like me (and not merely complaining about its unseasonableness like hundreds of thousands more.) This guy had taken advantage of the incredible packing quality of the wet snow and had built an actual six foot high ice arch over the sidewalk leading to his house. I stopped and looked at the arch. It was something--something you walk under, walk through. I knew I could walk under the arch. I could walk through. I knew I could either walk through the arch or I could walk by--continue on and pass it by. I stopped and looked at the arch. I liked it. It made me happy. Then I turned and walked past, kept going in the direction I was going.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 10.17.17

This week's BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – October 17, 2017

1. Alabama Crimson Tide
2. Georgia Bulldogs
3. Penn State Nittany Lions
4. Wisconsin Badgers
5. TCU Horned Frogs
6. Clemson Tigers
7. Washington Huskies
8. South Florida Bulls
9. Ohio State Buckeyes
10. Oklahoma Sooners
11. Miami Hurricanes
12. Virginia Tech Hokies
13. North Carolina State Wolfpack
14. Washington State Cougars
15. UCF Knights
16. San Diego State Aztecs
17. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
18. Oklahoma State Cowboys
19. LSU Tigers
20. Southern California Trojans
21. Stanford Cardinal
22. Michigan State Spartans
23. Auburn Tigers
24. Michigan Wolverines
25. Memphis Tigers

Week whatever this is (I guess it's about halfway through the season) finds a couple of teams called the Tigers moving into the top 25, which means there are now FOUR Tigers there. Last I checked, except for in zoos, none of those cities have tigers roaming around. Maybe one of those teams should consider a name change? But then, the name doesn't make the team, as evidenced by the new number one, Alabama Crimson Tide; maybe the coolest name of all teams, they are the most boring to watch (unless maybe you're an Alabama fan, and like watching them crush the victims of their weak schedule). On a brighter note: it's college football—still a lot of upsets, inexplicable outcomes, and craziness to come! --H. Houndstooth

Monday, October 16, 2017


September 29, 2011 3:44 pm
Have you read John Hersey yet?

No! Sorry...hopefully I'll get to it!
Start w/THE WALL
March 30, 2012 10:54 pm
THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES is a slog to read.
March 31, 2012 8:39 am

Wait...he wrote the Algiers Motel Incident, right? I was just looking through that, actually....
Ray Bradbury?
Fahrenheit 451
TV version of THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES starring Rock Hudson 1970s
Noah, do you like short stories?
March 31, 2012 8:18 pm

Depends on the short story! I don't have anything against the form per se.
April 1, 2012 10:11 am
April 1, 2012 12:04 pm
Fukk "There Will Come Soft Rains"
December 15, 2012 9:17 am
I luv Hemingway.
December 16, 2012 11:54 am
Keats? Byron? Percy or Mary?
Wordsworth or Coleridge?

Keats is awesome; Byron is often very funny. Frankenstein is uneven, but has wonderful moments. A lot of P. Shelley is wonderful. Wordsworth can be great, but is often kind of dull. Coleridge is the man.
The Plagiarist and last to die!
No Wordsworth died last?
Keats 25, Shelley 29
Have you read The Last Man in Europe unsure of title By Mary Shelley?
December 16, 2012 1:36 pm

I haven't read any Mary Shelley other than Frankenstein. Is the Last Man any good?
Wuthering Heights is FAR better than Jane Eyre.

Ummm...I don't know if I agree with that. I love them both.
Persuasion by Austen may be the worst "great book" of all-time.

I love Persuasion! Damn it.
ULYSSES vs THE ODYSSEY? Gimme the ILIAD any day. Just kidding. I really like THE BERLIN STORIES by Isherwood. "I am a camera."
And yr. blog still roxxx!
December 16, 2012 7:30 pm

Aw...thank you!
Stay Kool, Noah.
Best Collection of American Short Stories 20th c.: IN OUR TIME. Also see the amazing "in our time" from the year before (1924-25.)
December 17, 2012 5:24 pm
"Foul Play" vs "Spider-Man No More"
December 18, 2012 9:39 am
Hey. Noah!
December 18, 2012 10:57 am
Fitzgerald never in paperback! Why?
December 28, 2012 4:36 pm
You Still Hate Short Stories!
January 2, 2013 10:38 am
January 10, 2013 8:35 am
Cash-In on THE GREAT GATSBY 1925 Short Stories, maan!
January 12, 2013 9:27 am
Q.: Bret Easton Ellis or James Ellroy? A.: Ellis and Ellroy!
January 31, 2013 3:12 am
Amazing Spider-Man 50?
January 31, 2013 8:09 am
February 15, 2013 11:20 pm
James Baldwin! The New Now!
Richard Wright! Langston Hughes!
Harlem Renaissance! Harlem Globetrotters!
LeRoi Jones!
February 16, 2013 9:26 am
Iceberg Slim!
S.E. Hinton!
I'd love to see a Bret Easton Ellis article on HU.
Noah, do you like The Stooges (1969-73)?
Ezra Pound?
Imagism:" Faces in the subway/Petals on a wet, black bough" or whatever. William Carlos Williams. H.D. I say they rival the Symbolists!
February 16, 2013 5:09 pm

Yeah, I love the Stooges. T.V. Eye is awesome. WCW is cool too.

February 22, 2013 12:50 pm
CITY OF NIGHT by John Rechy?
February 24, 2013 7:24 pm
February 25, 2013 8:35 am
Welcome to the Working Week
February 26, 2013 9:47 am
Read TOO FAR TO WALK by John Hersey [1966?]
March 4, 2013 6:56 pm
Have you looked at TULSA by Larry Clark or THE AMERICANS by Robert Frank (w/Jack Kerouac)?
March 7, 2013 6:56 pm
Noah, would you rather read Dickens or Hemingway OUT LOUD?

Not sure; I don't think I've read either of them out loud!
I would discover new things in Hemingway and be super-re-assured by Dickens. Hemingway's actual dialogue would be fun to say. His hidden poetic works between quotes!
March 23, 2013 9:06 am
Noah, have you read Selby or Rechy yet?
Faulkner is forbidding.
March 23, 2013 2:06 pm
Check out BETWEEN THE BUTTONS by The Rolling Stones!

Between the Buttons is great! I like a lot of their early stuff.
March 24, 2013 10:42 pm
March 26, 2013 6:04 pm
A Special Request for HU: Pllease Write an Article on "Gutter Punks"
And more about "Ke$ha!
March 28, 2013 6:35 am
Sri Lanka? Tamir Tigers? M.I.A.?
Uh, Tamil?
April 6, 2013 9:13 am
Is "Lola" by The Kinks the first gay rock hit? Probably. 1970.
April 6, 2013 10:21 am
"Sally Go Round the Roses" by a girl group in '63 is rumored Lesbian-themed. Honorable mention to Sweet Loretta Modern from "Get Back" 1969.

I love Sally Go Round the Roses! By the Jaynetts? Am I remembering that right? Wikipedia says I am....
And the fact that Mitch Ryder (Detroit Wheels) was gay throws a new light on his ultra-macho rock!
April 6, 2013 5:54 pm
What's So Funny About Peace, Love, Understanding, War, Hate, Confusion, and Rape?
Lord Byron 35? Hitler 56. Hemingway published his first novel at 26. Greatest poet of all-time maybe Charles Baudelaire?
Suggestion for HU: a round-table discussion on HIROSHIMA by John Hersey 1946?
April 7, 2013 8:45 am
Suggestion for HU: a round-table discussion on A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway 1929 USA?
The Decline of Western Civilization directed by Penelope Spheeris 1980?
Suburbia by Spheeris?
TALK RADIO and SUBURBIA New York Stage Plays 1980s Eric Bogosian USA??!?
Super Kool 120s
Marlboro Black 100s
Newport Non-Menthol 100s
Hello Goodbye
"The Walrus Was Paul"
Dear Prudence
Cry Baby Cry
"YESTERDAY"...AND TODAY [1966 USA] The Butcher Foto!
Neat! Neat! Neat!
Seriously, Hello Goodbye, Noah!
April 7, 2013 11:04 am
Have you appeared in the print-version ATLANTIC MONTHLY yet, Noah?

No...and not likely to, I don't think. Print and web are pretty separate, as far as I can tell...I pitched them something and never heard back, so...not holding my breath.
Who do they want? Naomi Klein and Bret Easton Ellis??!?
What about articles for THE NATION weekly? You're at least good enough for that!
Again, whatevs.

Heh. The Nation doesn't encourage freelancers. And there's no way the New Yorker would print my poems.

I got a review in the print edition of Reason a month or so back. That was nice.
Start your own print mag! I'll contribute anything you want for a flat rate $40/article! I swear!
April 7, 2013 1:22 pm
Submit an article to THE NEW CRITERION! I'm not kidding!
MAXIM, dammit!
THE NEW YORK REVIEW OF BOOKS! Again, dammit! You are a fine writer and it is wrong to be restricted to some kind of fukt internet ghetto!
Hooded Utilitarian Print-Version! I would happily pay $6 for a copy on the news-stand!
SPIN could use a great writer again!
Column in Sun-Times or Tribune?
Chicago Reader might be the best USA free weekly! Ours in Cinti. is called CityBeat and it's ok. Justin Green lives here for some reason!
Cincinnati Enquirer is a stain on the city!
The greatest novel of all-time? THE LONG GOODBYE by Raymond Chandler 1952? USA
Or at least it's re-readable!
Charles Willeford is fantastic!
April 7, 2013 4:54 pm
I choose the Kinks record!
I've got it! Revive the weekly LIFE MAGAZINE w/YOU as Editor-in-Chief!
April 7, 2013 8:10 pm
Or create a monster PEOPLE/US/OK! DAILY (Print and Website!) $3B invested by UN/World Bank!!?!
HU Worldwide Word Efforts!
April 7, 2013 9:17 pm
Or revive Joe Simon's SICK MAGAZINE just think, Noah Berlatsky, a Mort Todd of the Twenty Teens!
Stop, Darius! Jusr stop!
"I use the N.M.E./I use/Anarchy!"
New Musical Express
"I use the best/I use the press!"
"I wanna destroy passersby!"
Do you care about 70s Punk Rock any, Noah?

Sure! Love the Stooges, love VU. Sex Pistols are okay, first Clash record is okay. Love the New York Dolls....
"Lucky Man" by ELP is weirdly good and also effective anti-war effect, up there with "The Unknown Soldier" by The Doors.
"Lucky Man"
April 8, 2013 9:18 am
Roll On, Hooded Utilitarian
April 8, 2013 10:27 am
OR revive MARVEL COLLECTOR ITEM CLASSICS title from 1965 and YOU can print ANYTHING w/Disney allowing $500,000 each monthly issue to print THE FINEST COMICS OF ALL-TIME! Cover price? FIFTY CENTS! It's true, man, LOSS LEADERS RULE!
April 8, 2013 11:53 am
April 8, 2013 5:19 pm
Noah! What Do You Know?
April 8, 2013 7:59 pm
Hey, man!
Hey! Pachuco!
Noah Berlatsky is Pavlov Picasso!
August 19, 2013 12:26 am
August 20, 2013 1:15 pm
Fake Word
September 21, 2013 3:37 pm
There is No Love in This World Anymore!
September 24, 2013 12:39 am
What's the New, Mary Jane?
October 5, 2013 10:26 am
Noah's Ark: HU, Splice, and Atlantic Monthly, saving the world again despite the New Deluge!
January 3rd, 2:05am
Marvel Collector's Item Classics Now or Never , Noah!!?!
January 14th, 2:03pm
As Ever, Darius!
Monday 5:01pm
What's the New, Mary Jane?
Thursday 6:45pm
Noah Berlatsky: Current President of the American Intelligentsia!

See Noah's wide-ranging Hooded Utilitarian!

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 10.10.17

Hot off the press: BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – October 10, 2017

1. Clemson Tigers
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Washington Huskies
4. Georgia Bulldogs
5. Penn State Nittany Lions
6. Wisconsin Badgers
7. Washington State Cougars
8. TCU Horned Frogs
9. South Florida Bulls
10. San Diego State Aztecs
11. Oklahoma Sooners
12. Ohio State Buckeyes
13. Virginia Tech Hokies
14. Miami Hurricanes
15. Auburn Tigers
16. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
17. Southern California Trojans
18. North Carolina State Wolfpack
19. UCF Knights
20. Navy Midshipmen
21. Oklahoma State Cowboys
22. Louisville Cardinals
23. Michigan Wolverines
24. Michigan State Spartans
25. Stanford Cardinal

CBS sports continues to push the gambling angle on college football and sees nothing wrong with that. ESPN might do that, too, but I have boycotted ESPN for ruining college sports. Boycott ESPN again, for not allowing their commentators to have opinions. Boycott all advertisers whose ads are louder than the sports broadcast. I can't see into the heart of a man, but if he ACTS like a racist, he IS a racist. Boycott the Troll Presidency. --H. Houndstooth

Wednesday, October 4, 2017


I know it's not wrong that she only feels comfortable when everything--everything--is wrecked, but see, you see, Our Sporty Spice is pretty hacking vulnerable tonight. Yes, she's even asking God why He has to be this way, and yes, she knows the answer already, the only answer even possible: The Usual Nothing.

She asks anyway
, maybe pretends that she has at last got the attention of Someone who never paid attention to Us before ("God in Three Persons, trapped!" she might exclaim, only if.)

Now, in a backwater, from the furthest reaches, out of East of Nowhere, way outside, here comes the Umpteenth Anti-Christ, and now here's Sporty the whole time saying, "Look! Look! Wake up!" or whatever, and most fux pay no attention, so in the New Now, it's left to Our Sporty Spice, she saves Western Civilization (which she worse than despises) again, and Now, most likely, she's horribly damaged in the effort, and sadly, Post-War, these specific symptoms, her Fuckin' War Injuries soon become The World-Wide New Emblems of Occidental Female Sexuality.

Sporty sells Stupid Sad Sex to YOU for decades and--for then, for now, for always ever--Look Around--SS has without killing one worthless Alpha Primate-Image-of-Highfather-King-Christ-Holy-Ghost AKA the Anti-Devils Kill Squad, she has from yesterday, until today, and going forward from here toward what? The Stupid Sick High-Hilarity Fact of all of this is that, you might as well face it, chum, Our Sporty Spice has without any effort at all taken over almost all of this in every way Wrong and Worse-than-Worthless So-Called "Spaceship Earth." [Please Kill Me!]

And for then, for now, and always and ever...witness the True Last Collapse of the West...certainly this last [!]...most truly...Sporty 
Spice World!

Get bent, ya Flowerpots!

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 10.3.17

Your weekly hookup with the BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – October 3, 2017

1. Clemson Tigers
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Penn State Nittany Lions
4. Washington Huskies
5. Georgia Bulldogs
6. Oklahoma Sooners
7. South Florida Bulls
8. Wisconsin Badgers
9. Ohio State Buckeyes
10. Washington State Cougars
11. TCU Horned Frogs
12. Virginia Tech Hokies
13. San Diego State Aztecs
14. Louisville Cardinals
15. Miami Hurricanes
16. Auburn Tigers
17. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
18. Southern California Trojans
19. Michigan Wolverines
20. Oklahoma State Cowboys
21. Florida Gators
22. Utah Utes
23. West Virginia Mountaineers
24. Oregon Ducks
25. North Carolina State Wolfpack

A pretty boring week in college football. Maybe it's time to take up cricket. —H. Houndstooth

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 9.26.17

Weekly installment of the BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – September 26, 2017

1. Clemson Tigers
2. Alabama Crimson Tide
3. Penn State Nittany Lions
4. Washington Huskies
5. Oklahoma Sooners
6. Georgia Bulldogs
7. Wisconsin Badgers
8. Virginia Tech Hokies
9. South Florida Bulls
10. Ohio State Buckeyes
11. Washington State Cougars
12. TCU Horned Frogs
13. San Diego State Aztecs
14. Southern California Trojans
15. Louisville Cardinals
16. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
17. Florida Gators
18. Oklahoma State Cowboys
19. Michigan Wolverines
20. Miami Hurricanes
21. Auburn Tigers
22. Utah Utes
23. LSU Tigers
24. Duke Blue Devils
25. Iowa Hawkeyes

Things are finally starting to heat up! Next week expect TEN upsets! --yours, H. Houndstooth

Thursday, September 21, 2017


Who is this corporate Anti-Ray Speen? He is Roy Spoon (formerly Roy Spain)

To escape the stigma of Our Nameless Decades, Pantheon Books, on Jan. 1, 2020, will publish 40 books at once by Mystery Man Spoon ("'It' Boy of the Twenties," "Voice of Our Time," ) including novels, poetry, science fiction, Westerns, sex mysteries, essays, memoir, and prophecy. The publisher can expect to dominate all best sellers lists for a year at least and Spoon will soon be accepted as an immortal. He's a 27 year-old trans-man, from Kansas USA, no less! Expect a Nobel Prize for Spoon by age 50.

According to anonymous sources, "Roy Spoon" is not one man but instead an army of 100 English Majors creating Immortal Masterworks for a half-cent a word and no royalties or credit! My world and welcome to it.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Broadcast Football Rankings 9.19.17

Welcome to the third installment of the BFR – Broadcast Football Rankings – September 19, 2017

1. Clemson Tigers
2. Penn State Nittany Lions
3. Oklahoma Sooners
4. Alabama Crimson Tide
5. Washington Huskies
6. Wisconsin Badgers
7. Oklahoma State Cowboys
8. Virginia Tech Hokies
9. Georgia Bulldogs
10. South Florida Bulls
11. Florida Gators
12. Washington State Cougars
13. Ohio State Buckeyes
14. TCU Horned Frogs
15. San Diego State Aztecs
16. Michigan Wolverines
17. Louisville Cardinals
18. Oregon Ducks
19. Southern California Trojans
20. Texas Longhorns
21. Mississippi State Bulldogs
22. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
23. Vanderbilt Commodores
24. Miami Hurricanes
25. Florida State Seminoles

It was an exciting week in college football (aren't they all) with a little more definition—though, really, at this point, you can tell just about nothing. Here in the BFR rankings, very little change on the top and the bottom (Miami and Florida State still not playing, drag! And another hurricane on its way). A lot of changes in the middle, though, teams in and out. Next week, sure to be more upheavals. We predict some huge upsets (you'd be a fool to not predict upsets—but who, exactly?) —best, H. Houndstooth